where, oh where has my little boy gone?
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| Fri, 02-03-2006 - 8:12pm |
Hi all,
As I mentioned in other posts, we are about a week away from our Dr. appt and possible diagnosis. I'm 99.9 % sure Ethan has Aspergers, although he is high funtioning. He seems to be in regression right now -ever since his 6th birthday about a month ago. Ethan is having meltdowns several times a day, and his moods swing from singing to sobbing at the drop of a hat. He had been very calm and well-behaved for almost 2 years...now I don't know what to do with him?!
HOT OFF THE PRESS! As I was typing the sentence above, this interaction took place:
Ethan age, 6 and Kate age 5 came running in to my office. Kate is crying because Ethan was kissing her and she said he hurt her ear. Ethan was excited, saying how he gave Kate a great big kiss cause he loves her so much. I calmly said, "Well, next time lets' do it like this, 'Kate, could I give you a kiss? and when she says yes, give her a soft kiss on the cheek.'
Ethan immediatly disintegrated. He sobbed and said, "I'm going to go to jail!" I calmly said, "Of course you aren't going to jail, we just need to be more gentle with sissy." He cried, " No one will ever love me! I can't be a good boy. I don't ever want to leave the house again. " (I think that was in reference to a meltdown he had at the mall today.)
I am at my wits end. He has these episodes several times a day--one minute happy and playing, the next in the depths of despair. I try to remain calm, even as he gets louder and even works himself up into near hysteria. AM I handling this right? Last night he melted down because he couldn't get into the bathroom downstairs (which he seldom uses anyway!) DH brought him upstairs and ended up yelling at him because Ethan was crying about not going on that potty. DH has little patience with the meltdowns, event tho he is beginning to understand that Ethan isn't trying to be disobedient.
I guess the hardest part is that just a few weeks ago, I had my sweet, loving little boy and I'm so afraid I might not see him again for a very long time.
Please tell me how you cope with the emotional upheaval?
Blessings!
Debbi

Debbi,
Well, I drink alot of coffee!!!! LOL Antidepressants help too!!
It took my dh a long time to learn how to deal with the whining and the tantrums too. My dh had tons of patience with children when we first met...then lost it after our kids came into the picture....and now it's FINALLY coming back!!!!
When Nathan does this, it's usually because he's stressed, excited, or worried about something. And usually if one thing happens, the rest of the day is pretty downhill from there!! I keep his days pretty routine and predictable. And any added changes have to be explained ahead of time. He does ok with minor changes.....we're still working on his flexibility with that!! LOL
Has anything changed in Ethan's schedule lately? Possibly something at school? Then again, sometimes our kids just have their off days....just like us!!!
It can be exhausting though. I guess I've gotten used to all the ups and downs of our everyday life. When it gets quiet, I think something's wrong! lol It's just become our life. Having to explain everything over and over again. And dealing with Nathan ranting about how no one loves him, and his famous line..."THAT'S IT!! I QUIT!" The stomping around the house, arms folded!!! I could go on...but I think you know what I'm talking about!! LOL
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I COMPLETELY understand!!
michelle
Dear Debbie,
And you are just finding out his dx, so you will be learning more and more about what causes these difficulties and things you can do to help. He may on some level be aware of how close you are getting to a dx, by the way, has there been extra doctor visits, testing, discussions about him and possible dx going on around him? trouble at school, etc.? How's his social life?
I agree that there must be more stress somewhere, but sometimes it can be that as they mature, they understand more of big picture and also what they DON't understand, like, let's see ... Your son KNOWS he is having too big of emotions, he knows he did something to upset his sister, but not exactly WHAT he is doing and missing the non-verbal cues and making mistakes is really overwhelming his sense of well-being. Hence, the meltdowns. Everything just feels WRONG. He doesn't know how to be a "Good Boy", and that's a constant worry and about-to-be-source-of-deep-upset for him.
How to deal? Well, I always try to remember how much harder this all is for my son than for me. Being inside the meltdowns is seriously rough. I can tell that my son doesn't have control under those circumstances and would desparately love to. I reassure constantly, telling him he is still a child and doesn't have to figure everything out, daddy and I will help him, he is learning, EVERYONE makes mistakes and all we can do is try to learn and practise. Reassure, reassure, hug, comfort, be his soft understanding forgiving mom. Which I am sure you do, you just have to keep doing this...
I talk often with other parents of kids like my son, apply sensory diet and anxiety-lowering measures throughout our days liberally, always plan fun activities and make sure I include some fun for me... Such as swimming dates with some of son's friends and their fun moms, who I can talk and gossip with. Right now, I am enjoying a tall rum, oj and pineapple juice, yum!
These touchy periods do come and go. You will be learning more and more about what really makes him tick, and then you will figure out more of what to do to help him. This will get better. And sometimes worse. But our kids do develop, just to different drummers and needing more thoughtfully provided assistance.
((((((HUGS)))))) These boards are great place to blow off steam, get advice, hang out. Stick around.
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
((HUGS))
I know exactly what you are going through. It's a very hard thing to watch your little boy get so upset about things that don't cost other kids a thought. My son Jake who is almost 3 was doing so well for so long that really the average joe would probably never guess he had any problems but recently he just seems to have fallen apart. EVERYTHING causes him so much stress and anxiety. At times I'm just at a loss to know what to do. I feel like before I had a handle on all of this but right now it just seems to be getting the better of me. I know the other moms have talked about the fact their kids go through cycles of regression and then gains. I too have noticed in the past that when Jake is about to do something new in his development he gets really stressed so I'm hoping that's whats going on right now. I'm not much help to you but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
Teresa