Why do kids have to be so mean?
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| Thu, 06-14-2007 - 8:15am |
I know the answer... because they can. But I sure wish there was a way to just make it stop. :(
While this year has been so much better than last year, the kids in Haley's class are still really mean to her. Particularly a select few. Because she is "different", she is ridiculed. She tends to make facial grimaces a lot, she's loud and gets over dramatic when she talks. All things we are working on but that's just how she is I'm afraid.
This one girl in particular has been very rotten to her. Just recently she stole Haley's glasses. Haley puts them on the student desk in the gym when they go to PE just like the other kids do. This girl stole them as they were leaving to go back to class. The next day she wore them to school saying her mom bought them the day before. Obviously that was too coincidental so I immediately called the school and they called her mother. It took two days to figure out what had happened to them and to get them back. After what appears to have been a day's suspension, the girl is back in class and calling Haley a freak. I just want to strangle that kid. Haley tried to tell the teacher but she was told to be quiet.
What makes me angry is that Haley was told by the school to not talk about who stole her glasses. Yet this kid is allowed to run her mouth off at Haley?
Maybe I'm making more of it than I need to... I don't know. But I get so fed up with these kinds of problems. I don't condone physical violence by any means at all but sometimes I wish Haley would just knock this kid out. (Yeah I know... that won't solve anything and will only get Haley in trouble.)
-- Jill


(((((Jill & Haley)))))
Rotten, stinkin', nasty little biotch! I'd be telling everybody I knew what an awful thing the little witch did. Why is the school trying to protect her from being embarrassed? As far as I'm concerned, a little embarrassment can go a long way to curb this type of behavior.
Best thing that happened to Noah all year...this little snot in his class was telling him that he was too skinny to be strong, and that he was such a weakling he probably couldn't do a push up. Well of course, the kid was trying to get Noah to actually do a push up in the middle of the hallway. Finally Noah'd had enough and threw an elbow into the kid! Okay, so I shouldn't be proud of that, but I was. My son defended himself when somebody else was trying to get him in trouble. I was thrilled! Know what happened after that? All the rest of the boys started to have a little more respect for Noah- and nobody bothered him the rest of the year.
Hang in their, Jill...this kind of stuff stinks, and there's not much we can do about it. Which is, undoubtedly, the worst part!
Amy
Thanks Amy. Congrats to Noah for standing up to that kid!!! I think that sometimes its the only way to get through to these trouble makers. Certainly makes them think twice before doing it again!
I don't know why the school is trying to protect this little brat either. I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about it. In fact, I have to go up to the school tomorrow for a Family Fun Day thing and am going to have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut when I see this kid. I just want to wring her neck! But I know... I have to exercise some serious self control. :( I told Haley that if she calls her a freak or anything again, to just tell her nice and loud that, "Hey, I may not be perfect but at least I'm not so scummy that I have to steal from people." Don't know if she'll do it but I will take her to the store and buy her something special if she does. Oc course I didn't tell her that part. LOL
It all just makes me so mad because school can be hard enough for our kids without the other kids making it a living hell for them. I had thought about asking the teacher to spend some time talking to the class about AS but then I wondered... would it just draw too much attention to Haley and cause more trouble?
-- Jill
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
Edited 6/14/2007 11:01 am ET by littleroses
Edited 2/19/2008 11:02 am ET by littleroses
With regards to having an open discussion with her classmates about AS, I won't tell you what to do, but for Noah, this was one of the best things we did! In general, I think most kids are good at heart...so once they saw that Noah wasn't just a "freak" but somebody who they could help, they were extremely willing to do so.
Of course, it was also empowering for Noah to stand up with me, in front of his class, and talk about AS. (I actually spoke to all four third grade classes and all four second grade classes about Autism/Asperger's, etc.) Luckily for us, Noah is in no way "ashamed" by his diagnosis-so this made it much easier for him. I don't know if Haley is aware of her diagnosis, and if she's not, I certainly wouldn't suggest letting her class know something she doesn't about herself. But in our case, it's been better for Noah.
Amy
Jill,
This is the exact type of thing that I fear happening when Dakota starts Kindergarten in the fall...but I try not to think about it because I remember how mean kids were to special kids when I was in school (I'm 34 now). It's bound to be lots worse now! Anyway, to put it as simply as Haley possibly can; all she has to say is this: "I would rather be called a freak than a THIEF!" and walk away. Garauntee there will be a few of those weird looks flying HER way for a change instead of Haley's!! And on top of it, it will kinda give the other kids that "sticks and stones" idea where Haley is concerned, cuz you know that kids don't tease for nothing...they like the reaction they get from their "victim". Maybe if they see her stand up for herself, they will get the idea that teasing isn't the way to get to her. I wish you the very best of luck with this situation. I am NT myself, but I remember being teased as a child and how lonely it felt UNTIL I stood up for myself and took away that bully's power to bully ME.
Jen
Thank you all. I agree that it was wrong for the school to ask Haley to keep quiet. I believe it was the principal that requested Haley not disclose who took the glasses. I think she was trying to just get through the last couple of weeks of school without incident but I agree that it was wrong to ask that of Haley.
I won't have time to talk to her class this year about AS but I think I will plan to next year. We are moving in a few short months so next year she will be in a completely different school district. Not looking forward to all of that but at the same time, I think it will be a good move.
Haley is aware of her diagnosis and while she sometimes feels sad that she is so "different" from everyone else, she is proud of her diagnosis and is very happy to explain it to others. Before she was diagnosed, her behavioral issues scared her I think. She didn't know why she was having the tantrums and meltdowns over seemingly unimportant things. She didn't know why certain things bothered her or why she couldn't understand certain things. Now it all makes sense and she's happy. :)
-- Jill
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
Christine
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Christine