Will he ever learn to use the potty?

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Registered: 02-17-2002
Will he ever learn to use the potty?
8
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:23pm

I'm seriously worried that DS is going to go to college in diapers. I'm so frustrated. We bought him a potty chair at 2 yrs. The first year he pretty much completely refused to even sit on it. I also tried the potty ring and he hated that too. At 3 we finally could get him to sit on the potty chair, but he wouldn't do anything. I could leave him on there for an hour or more and he wouldn't do a thing - until I put his diaper back on. This past summer, at 3.5, I got the idea to pump him full of gatorade and then sit him there until he peed. The first couple of times he completely freaked out when he started needing to go and would beg for a diaper. He's a hot wheels addict so I would let him pick on out of my stash if he would potty. And he would go when I put him on, but sometimes he would need a while. Then I told him he had to tell me when he needed go. I was so hopeful - he started telling me part of the time if he had to go - we didn't always make it in time, but it was progress. Then he started regressing. Now he won't tell us if he has to go, if he's already wet/soiled his diaper and if we ask him if he's wet/dirty, he says no. If I sit him there and give him enough time, he will go.

Lately he's been staying dry on his school mornings, so his teacher requested on Tuesday that we try underwear on him. I bought the training underwear and then got the vinyl ones to put over them. I started taking him once an hour. I was so hopeful - the first two days he only had two accidents each day. Thursday & Friday he had about 6 wet undies each day. Saturday he stayed dry all morning, but then did awful in the afternoon and wet about 7 undies. Today was horrendous. I think he wet his underwear 10 times and had one dry one. I've even started taking him every 15-30 min. He won't tell me when he needs to go and says he's dry if I ask, even if he's not. It just seems like he isn't even trying. We got a prize for him once he is really trained. And I've offered him up more hot wheels if he can stay dry for one whole day. I think DH and I are the only ones getting trained.

Does anyone have any suggestions?? I know it hasn't even been a full week yet, but it seems like each day he gets worse than the day before. He'll be 4 in a month and I don't see any end in sight.

Thanks,
Trisha

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:33pm

Oh Trisha, you sound like your really stressed over this. It will happen when he's ready. If it makes you feel any comfort, my son started potty training a little bit when he was 3, until the day he found out I had a baby in my tummy. Then we had to move 3 times in 8 months and he regressed and didn't potty train until 4 1/2. And he still had occasional accidents. He is 10 now and doing just fine.

Some say that it takes till a full 5 yrs to "get" it. I would just do a wait and see kinda thing. Maybe step back and see when he initiates it? Trust me, they will do it, but only when there ready.

Lainie

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Registered: 07-11-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 12:41am
What would happen if you initiated some type of immediate reward for each time he goes successfully (like receving a sticker to put on a chart in the bathroom)thereby keeping track of success and building confidence? This worked for my dd. She got a sticker right away each time she went. Even now, 6 months later, she will occasionally congratulate herself with a sticker from the drawer in the bathroom which I stocked full of variety of fun stickers. Just a thought.
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Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 2:22am

I'm no expert, but I do think kids will potty train when they are ready and not a minute sooner.

Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:31am

I think they PT when they are good and ready. My oldest (not ASD but darn close) was 4 when he finally got it, it was like a lightbulb turned on in his head. #2 was 21 months (NT, pt'd before her older brother). My #3 (ASD but we didn't know it at the time) PT'd at 2 yrs 8 months then regressed for over a year (another baby was born in that time) and finally was fully daytime trained at 4.5, nighttime didn't come until he was 9 1/2. #4 (NT) was just before 3. We tried several times and it just didn't work so we waited until 2 wks before her 3rd and she PT'd in a couple days. #5 (ADHD) we waited until 2 wks before his 3rd bday and he pt'd in a week, but he's 5 now and not nighttime trained.

I think it's easy to say 'just relax and it will happen' but it's really hard to do that when you're in the middle of it and they're still having 6-7+ wet a day. It's also really hard when you have lots of outside pressure to get it done (preschool teachers are sometimes a pain!). Try to keep your cool and know that it'll happen. If you're feeling too stressed about it-- wait! having a stressed out mommy will not make it easier. Wait until you feel the time is right, then try again. Some kids need a LONG time to get the idea others just need the RIGHT time to get the idea. Very few children are still in diapers at age 5. I know it seems like it'll never happen, but in the grand scheme of things it really isn't so long. I look back and wonder why I was so stressed over it w/ #1 and #3.

Betsy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 10:38am

I agree when they are ready.

My oldest (ASD) started at 2.5 as well and with support of the Special ed preschool at 3. She just DID NOT get it. In fact I laughed when you said that you and your DH were trained. That was us. We tried the stickers, naked method, putting her in panties, everything. She was not completely trained until she was nearly 5. She just didn't "Get" it until then.

My ASD son did train a bit sooner for the most part. He was 3-4 somewhere when he was partially or mostly trained but he continued to have wetting accidents (day time) until he was nearly 8 and still on rare occasion wets the bed (nearly 11). And he was a regular bedwetter until nearly 10.

Renee

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Registered: 11-17-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 11:03am
My 3.5yo DS is much the same. He was nearly potty trained at one point close to 3, and then basically gave it up. He completely denies having to go, having gone, and will walk around with wet/soiled diaper or underwear until we either change it/sniff it out - or it falls off from sheer volume. I don't understand how a kid who is so meticulous who is having things on his hands, face, etc. can stand having all that on his bottom!! I try to just keep telling myself that he will potty train at SOME point. We are having MILD success with the immediate reward of a large marshmallow immediately after he uses the potty. I hate using food, and something so sugary at that... but he is responding enough that I think we'll keep it up. He'll be 4 in May - and who knows, we might be the same exact boat as we are now. But we'll keep on trying! Good luck.

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Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 1:12pm

We were very good at getting the child to the potty when they needed to-- we could see all the signs but our boys couldn't tell us they needed to go. I also got very good at remembering every hour to take them potty. usually the reminder from mom was all it took.

Weston, our now 10 yr old ASD son, still needs to be reminded to go sometimes. we know the potty dance very well.

Betsy

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Registered: 06-03-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 3:24pm
it can be frustrating. someone recommended the book "toilet learning" which i found helpful. son would stay dry all during school. i think it has something to do with public toilets. now if he's outside with trees and grass he'll pee on everyone of them. it took til he was 6.5 til he stay dried during the nite. at 9yrs he will only poop at home. prizes- new underwear, stickers, videos - did not work. hang in there. your son will use the potty on his time.