will they ever get it?

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Registered: 04-11-2003
will they ever get it?
8
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 10:11am

I was talking to my sister on the phone today about ds and adaptive PE. We are going to ask for bicycling to be included in his APE programing so he doesn't loose that new skill over the winter. She started in again about how that will make him stand out and be different from the other kids. ugh, I could just scream. He is different and he already stands out. duh Pretending he isn't won't make it so. Trying to force him to be the same doesn't work. She just really doesn't get it. I need to accept the fact that she probably never will. Maybe I should just stop talking to her about school stuff. I aslo said its going to be hard this yr trying to deal with so many different teachers (middle school) instead of just two. She said I should just let stuff go. Oh yea, good advice. That's why her dd is in eighth grade and reading and doing math at a 4th grade level!

Samantha

Samantha
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 7:08pm

Simple answer - No. Some people just will never get it.

Sorry you had to go through the frustration. I feel for you there. I think we all have those types in our life.

Renee

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 12:45am

Renee's right, the short answer is no.

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 2:31am

IMHO, I think that no parent should just "let things go" when they suspect that their child is having difficulty. AS or no AS, middle school is a major change from elementary school, and kids this age shouldn't be expected to just deal with the stress on their own. Look around at middle school aged kids and tell me if they don't look like they could benefit from a bit of adult guidance.

I say, good for you, for being a parent who cares.

And, no, some folks won't ever get it.

Evelyn

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Registered: 05-16-2006
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 8:29am

I agree that some people are just CLUELESS the the way of live we as parents now have to lead.
Letting things go are pretending that this doesn't exist is doing a huge disservice to your child. Especially when you're trying to talk and the "kid" subject comes up and the whole school thing gets into place. ASD parents get what your goals are and realize that things are different and will be different.
Why do people say the dumbest things. I tell my friends/family to not offer advice since I am the only one who has had to combat this in our family.
No one understands and no one gets it.

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!

Nora

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Registered: 06-09-2005
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 8:57am

Samantha,

I have two sisters, and they try to be understanding.. but they don't get it either. My one sister sort of gets it, and tries really hard..the other doesn't at all. DH's brothers and sisters don't really get it either. The funny thing.. their kids get it. My sisters had 3 and 1 kids each..and when they visit they are the siblings ds doesn't have. On dh's side, their are 8 cousins.. for the most part about 6 get it. I think the kids have had first hand exp with kids like Ryan..although they may not have known it at the time.. and they are more accepting and it's not a big deal. So we try and socialize with our family a lot.. to help build those relationships between ds and his cousins.

So I am proud of my sisters and sis and bro in laws.. for raising the kinds of kids who help and are kind to kids like mine. But sometimes those same sisters and inlaws make comments that drive me insane.

I look at this a couple of ways.. yes, people should try and be more open minded about things they don't have first hand experience with..and at least not be judging or negative..it there is anything that having an autistic child has taught me..it's to not judge others.

But the other thing is.. it is very difficult for some people to understand situations if they don't have first hand experience. It's not that their mean, just not aware. I have a niece on ds's side who has type I diabetes. She was diagnosed at about 2. I don't really know what it's like to have a toddler with a serious illness. I recently had a discussion with my sis in law about it. I never thought about all the stuff they had to do differently because of her illness.

In my sister's case, her kids are so darn NT, the problems I have with ds are so foreign to her.. I have to stop myself from dismissing HER problems, because they seem so insignificant to me.. her latest is that her oldest son (president of his class, starting lineman, taking AP courses in senior year of hs) wants to wear a goatee in his senior picture. This is a problem?

I got off track here.. I haven't posted in a while.. so I get really chatty, lol. What I do is.. I don't talk with my sis about ds's school stuff, or other ASD stuff. It's better for us both that way.

BTW.. I read about your experience with the "lose the training wheels" camp. Glad to hear it went well! I looked into it, and unfortunately there are rarely any camps near where I am.. but I think it is a great idea.

Take Care,

Kate

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Registered: 06-03-2006
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 6:30pm
my brother's wife is a teacher with a masters in spec ed. she teaches ASD, ADHD etc, every year. she has been a teacher for over 20 years.she does not know that son has been dxd. when i ask about ieps or accomodations she says why do you need that information? your son is a genius. she could be a great resource but she's useless to me. so - some people just don't get it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 8:15pm

Hate to be redundant...be no most people will never get it!
How can they get something like autism, aspergers, etc. unless they live it?? Most of the time I don't get it LOL (Not really but it is a pretty mind-blowing thing our kids have) I have read tons and tons of stuff and am constantly online researching Aspergers - my family and friends don't.

I too have a sister that doesn't get it and sad to say probably never will - Her favorite saying is "But he seems so normal" I just want to strangle her when she says that. I've resigned myself to the fact that I am just going to explain the minimal amount necessary about my ds to most people (except the ones that I know will get it - there are a few) and then like Judge Judy says I will just "put a period and move on"

Jane

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Registered: 06-03-2006
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 10:26pm
last few weeks have been very trying. son is off the walls- summer schedule, lack of schedule whatever the reason it was a tough period. dear friend arranged to take son for a few days. she has always been supportive to me and is my son's biggest fan. she has 3 kids and a husband.her husband thought we exaggerated or picked on my son's behavior. well after a few days together friend & family got the full version of son. everyone was exhausted and close to frustrated with him.i think they "got it". my family has never taken or for the most part even offered to take him. family would never get it. but that's why i'm grateful for my friend. yes i made the most of my time off and was well rested when son came home.