Will we ever share a conversation?

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Registered: 08-26-2005
Will we ever share a conversation?
8
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 11:17pm
This is the thing that is really getting to me lately. I can handle Jake jumping up and down all the time and his constant talk about the planets and all of his little quikks but the thing I find hard to deal with is his inability to stay on topic when we are trying to have a conversation. I know it's difficult for him and sometimes our conversations start off great and I feel like we are really connecting and then WHAM all of a sudden mid sentence we are back onto the planets and the distance each planet is from the son. For those of you with older kids does this ever improve?
Teresa
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 11:43pm

((((Teresa))))


I don't have any advice, just wanted to give you a hug.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 12:11am

Up until Cait was 4 I remember thinking we would never have a conversation. At that time her communications were only requests or just streams of facts. We would connect and communicate in a weird way. For instance if she was getting upset I would start saying something like "a is for apple, b is for ball". And we could go through the alphabet together. If she wouldn't do it will me I would make a mistake "b is for tiger", then she would respond and sometimes even get a giggle out of her by the end. otherwise conversations were her checking facts with me or requesting things.

Around 5 Cait asked a why question and I remember specifically having our first conversation. It was incredible.

Now we have conversations all the time.

Don't get me wrong, Cait still has to work on communication skills. Mostly pragmatic, but we have conversations all the time. She is loads of fun to talk to. She tells me all about her neopets, we talk about school, she tells me about her boyfriend, etc.

Mike can be tougher but I think it is because he didn't have early intervention. Mike is very verbal, dont get me wrong. He can talk for ever in a monologue about his favorite games. We have connected on occasion conversationally but it is more rare. one of the reasons I kick myself not to get him services sooner but sometimes he has these rare days of clarity where he is very conversational. Even his aide mentioned a few weeks before school ended that Mike had one of those days. She said she just let him talk and talk and talk because he does it so rarely.

I think you will have LOADS of conversations with Jake. Who knows, when he is 7,8,... you may think he talks very much like a typical child.

Renee

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Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 12:38am

Your description of Mike really reminds me of DH...


-Paula

-Paula

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Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 12:41am

Teresa,


YES you will.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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Registered: 07-12-2005
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 8:30am

My answer is Yes & No.

His conversational skills will get better over time and with help, but he may always have problems with a true give and take conversation. Eventually he will probably master that too, but it will still be hard for him. One of the drawbacks to being the caregiver, beit mom or wife, is that you are the 'safe person'. My oldest DD and my ASD DH both save all their 'conversational energy' for others, for people who may not be as forgiving of their wandering and obsessions, like bosses and teachers.

My DH really tries hard to have true give and take conversations with me, but he gets tired and after a long day of having to constantly think about how well he's communicating sometimes he just doesn't have the energy or concentration to hold one with me. When that happens he can't be approached about anything important. It isn't that he isn't interested, it's just that he doesn't have the energy to cope with it at the moment.

But yes, it will get better. You just have to be patient and help him along the way.

APOV on Autism

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Registered: 06-09-2005
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 10:51am

Yes, it does improve with age. But it does require a little work. With Ryan, we needed to work on the basics of conversation.. like starting a conversation, ending one, keeping it going.. stuff like that. We practice conversations. Also, his obsessions become a little less intense as he gets older..or else he is better at hiding them from us, lol! Attention is still a problem, so conversations are still short but sweet.

Just yesterday, we asked Ryan a question.. did he want milk or water with dinner? He was just sitting there thinking of his answer, staring off into space. I realized that he was paying attention, he just didn't know that he should say something.. to indicate he had heard the question and was thinking about his answer. So we discussed what to say when someone askes you a question and you need time to think of the answer. You could say hmmmm, or let me think about that.. or Ryan's choice ..let me see (complete with finger tapping on chin). I know this isn't really a conversation.. but you get the point.

When we have friends over and he does a good job talking with them, we make sure to compliment him.. or correct him. Hey Ryan, that was great that you saw Greg's Phillies hat, and asked him if he saw the game last night!.. stuff like that.

One more thing.. timing.. I have had my best conversations with Ryan at bath or bedtime.

HTH

Kate

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Registered: 07-02-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:06pm

My son just turned 4 in March, and I've found two ways to have really good conversations with him. One is at night, when I'm tucking him into bed. I'll often lie down with him, and I'll ask him about his day, how pre-school is going, etc. It's the only time he opens up about school, any problems he's having, etc. I think it's because it's quiet, and he's relaxed and able to focus.

The other thing I've established are our "dinner dates". Just me and him (my husband has the equivalent, called "boys night" with him). He and I go out to dinner (but not to a childen's or fast food restaurant) and we talk about what's ahead for the week, anything that's on this mind etc.

It's taken awhile to get to this point. When we have dinner at home and we try to engage him in conversation, he'll ignore the question and respond with his own topic. To get him back on track, we'll both ask the question again, and explain the social rules (i.e. when someone asks you a question, you should answer) Most of the time, I think he's so engrossed with his own thoughts that he doesn't even hear the question.

I hope you find this comforting. :)

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Registered: 05-16-2006
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 8:08pm

Adam just turned 3 and it's still one sided. Hang in there. I try each day with him by asking questions to get a response back etc.
We talk on walks and when we pretend play.
I still can't believe MY child has PDD. I still live the nightmare of the dx. Somedays I cry cause it's one of those days and things aren't what they should be and friend's kids seem so perfect etc..............
I bust my butt for my Adam, my early intervention ended this week with him turning 3. I was VERY sad to see them go. It's up to me and DH and me setting goals at our IEP meeting this week.
Hang in there. I live life one day at a time.

Nora