Worried about "nt" 4 year old
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| Mon, 01-09-2006 - 4:44pm |
Hi everyone. Still recovering from that cold. Our whole family has it, and it seems to be some kind of mutated mega-virus from he**.
Anyway, I've been pretty worried about my younger son, Nathan. He's 4, and hasn't been dx with anything, but I'm getting more and more convinced that he suffers from depression. I mentioned it to the ped last July, during an appointment where our main concern was his constipation and picky eating. She prescribed some Miralax, told me some tricks for getting him to try new foods, and said to call her in a month. That was in July, and I've been so bummed out and guilty feeling about the fact that I couldn't stick with her reward-chart idea, that I haven't made an appointment.
Still, Nathan has seemed so unhappy for so long. When he does seem happy, it's when he's pretending that bad guys are blowing up police cars or comets are dropping out of the sky and crushing shopping malls. He gets angry at the tiniest little things, and expresses it by being destructive. He hates preschool (granted, his preschool is pretty lame, but it's the only one in town that isn't 5 days a week). He can't sleep at night. He complains about smells that don't bother anyone else. Right now, for instance, he got frustrated with a Lego thing, and even more frustrated watching me try to fix it, that he just threw it down on the floor and said, "I hate everything!" A few minutes later, he says, "I Hate David!" I said, "This has nothing to do with David, sweety." He said, "Yes it does! I never love David! David always wants me to break everything!!"
Then he started stomping around and making his growly face at me. This is the kind of stuff we get all day, everyday.
I keep thinking that maybe all this is because when he was a baby, his brother's Asperger's and mood disorder were undiagnosed and untreated. I remember how poor Nathan often had to just hang out in another room while I tried to deal with one of David's rages, or a manic episode...and back in those days I tried to deal with it with conventional parenting techniques, which inevitably triggered more misbehavior. I remember worrying that Nathan would learn that this is how families are supposed to be.
Nowadays things are much better with David. But I'm starting to notice that Nathan's style of play is starting to mimic David's. I *know* Nathan is able to play by himself, making characters talk to each other. Okay, they argue with and threaten each other, but at least it's a conversation. But more and more, Nathan has started to mope around saying that he CAN'T play by himself. When I "play with him", he goes into a long monologue about police cars crashing, and garbage trucks dumping toxic waste onto rainforests, as if it's just so hilarious. David used to do this, too, but his talk wasn't focussed on destruction. When Nathan does it, it is emotionally exhausting. It's disturbing how much he seems to love large-scale destruction. He seems like he's losing the ability to have normal conversations during play.
I want to consult a professional about him, but I'm not sure what to say. With David, his behavior was so bizarre, I was convinced that he had a neurological disorder by the time we got serious help. With Nathan, I'm worried that it's bad parenting that is causing his trouble. I'm routinely too exhausted to take him out to parks or play with him in any energetic way, and it's nearly impossible to get David away from his Legos, so our lives are pretty limited.
I hope some of this makes sense. I know it's kind of all over the place...which is another reason I dread trying to explain this to a doctor/therapist in half and hour or less. I haven't even touched on the sensory issues or sleep issues.
Any thoughts would be welcome.
Evelyn
Nathan, 4
David, 8

Evelyn,
I wouldn't be surprised if some of Nathan's behavior has to do with David. Asking a professional probably wouldn't be a bad idea. Tyler has issues about Nathan. He gets mad and says things too. But it's in the heat of anger, and luckily not in front of his brother. He will also express sadness at times too. He will tell me things during our private conversations and even cry as well.
I'm able to explain things to Ty and have indepth conversations about Nathan and his behaviors. Tyler is a mature 9, so it's not difficult to do. It makes life hard for Tyler, not being able to have a brother to play with who understands. Always having to explain everything, be patient, let him have his way, knowing what to touch and what not to touch. Having to watch what you say and what you do....never knowing what's going to set him off!!!
Maybe Nathan is having a difficult time dealing with his feelings and emotions. As you said, Nathan was little when David was going through his rough patches. Perhaps he just needs to learn how to talk about his feeling and his thoughts instead of expressing things in a negative way. Just a thought.
But I do know how you feel, it's difficult trying to be there for both boys, when they're needs are so different.
michelle