Worried about school situation
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| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:34pm |
I went to pick up David from school today, and I learned that David had been sent to the office. I went to the classroom to talk to the teacher before getting him. Apparently, ten minutes before the end of class, he began stand on his chair and poking holes through his paper with his pencil. Later, when I asked him what had been happening in the class at that time, he said, "We were just doing dumb math, which I hate." I pointed out that he's pretty good at math, and asked if there are some kinds of math which he likes. He said he likes addition, but they were doing subtraction, and he hates that. I've seen this kind of thing during homework; he hasn't memorized all those basic math facts, and the instant he has to do a bit of thinking, he goes into high-anxiety mode. Funny, but when he was 4, I made math puzzles for him for fun, and he seemed to have a knack for them. Then again, it was all in fun, with no pressure. With David, anxiety often comes out as inappropriate behavior.
No one knows what to do with him. The teacher sees that so often he *is* able to control himself and behave appropriately. He is often an excellent contributer to classroom discussion. She believes that treating him as if he can't control himself is doing him a disservice. I agree with that...although I also believe that sometimes he *can't* control himself. You know what I mean, right? She says that not *every* bout of misbehavior can be explained by "this Asperger's". Well...I feel kind of weird disagreeing, but why can't it? She wasn't aware of the math-anxiety connection; that is something I got from my discussion with David. And of course, although she had 19 other kids to look after, at least she was in the room. I was not.
Anyway, his IEP says that he will be sent to his "special place" "as necessary". The "special place" is something they struggled with for a long time, because we all agreed that sometimes he needed a quiet place to calm down and get centered. Last year, nearly every day, he ended up sitting in the principal's office, not as punishment, but because it was the only available place. That was abandoned because that area has a stigma as being for the "bad kids", and they, wisely, saw the problems with that. This year, the "special place" is in the resource teacher's office, which is somehow different than simply "going to resource." (I'm still confused about that.) However, that place isn't always available when he needs it. The "as necessary" part is too vague, I now realize. The teacher is doing her best to keep him in the classroom as much as possible, even at the expense of the other children. I understand her thinking; she doesn't want him to miss important stuff. Then again, if she keeps him there, he's missing the stuff anyway if he's busy drawing rude pictures on his paper, or doing armpit farts.
At the IEP meeting, in Sept, they explained to me why an aide/paraprofessional was not appropriate. I didn't quite follow it, but it was something like how the paras are for kids who are working so far below grade level that no one really expects them to do much better. It didn't sound *quite* so ridiculous when the school psychologist explained it to me, so I must be forgetting something.
But, more and more, I'm thinking that if David had an aide, someone who understands AS, she/he would be able to help David cope with things like difficult math problems or not knowing what to do next BEFORE he gets into silly/disruptive mode.
Unfortunately, I've already read three books about Asperger's, trying to find a chapter or something to show to the school, and there are no "Davids" in these books. Also, it's getting so that when I try to talk to the teacher, I feel like she thinks that I'm using the AS label as an excuse for his bad behavior. What I want is for people to understand that he has AS, which explains some of his bad behavior, and now let's work on teaching him some SKILLS. The thing is, when he misbehaves, no one ever seems to see the connection between his behavior and the events that preceded it. And why should they? How could I expect the teacher to know that the math problem is hard, or that he's trying not to shout out the silly joke he just thought of, or whatever? I certainly wouldn't be able to keep track of 20 kids with that kind of detail. (Although I observed one 2nd grade boy politely answering the phone and taking a message, so maybe they aren't all as much work as David! I can't imagine David even mumbling a hello to his grandparents on the phone!)
So...how do I get him an aide who understands AS? The teacher did say "we might have to revisit the idea of getting a paraprofessional for him", which sounds like a start. I know I've got the law on my side, but realistically, the district isn't made of money. They don't have money for frills like a cafeteria or a vice-principal, or a nurse, or busses, among many other things. The thing is, David got "A's" on all the major academic subjects at the last report card, so it might be perceived that he doesn't really need help. How do I make my case? With the right supports, David has *so* much potential. We knew he was brilliant when he was just hours old, and when he was a baby/toddler, we were continously amazed at his creative/engineering mind. I feel like we're losing precious time. I hate to think that he'll grow to hate school, squeak out of high school with a C-, and then God only knows what...when he's got the brains of a great scientist, inventor, or writer.
I'm just so overwhelmed with all this. Not to mention my OTHER kid. And of course, it doesn't help only being able to think in twenty-second increments.
Any ideas? Thanks for "listening".
Evelyn, David (8, 2nd grade, AS, bp-nos), Nathan 4

My mother could have wrote your post. I fwd'd it on to her. I just posted a life story, so time to rescue my DH from our 2 toddlers. :)I wish I had some insight on AS for you, but I don't. I can only tell you that it's the story of our life too.
My brother does not qualify for an aide either. Someone mentioned last week that there should be a school for AS kids and I agree!
-Melanie
Kyle has an aide. This is his first yr with one. He had a meltdown in class at the begining on the yr and broke his glasses in half. After that his teacher wanted an aide for him. She was also spending a lot of time prompting him to stay on task. So it really helps if the teacher is getting on board.
Kyle does well academcially but he does need a scribe because he has dsygraphia. The aide also helps keep him organized and on task, and to assist with sensory needs and anxiety/frustration breaks. She is with him from 9-11:55am. Kyle goes to lunch alone. Then she's with him from 12:25-12:50, recess, to help with social skills. She is with another child when Kyle has science and social studies because these are his favorites and he does well. Then the aide is with him from 2pm till then end of the day for another recess and organization for going home.
Kyle gets 2 scheduled breaks a day with his aide. They go to either the art room or the resource room, which ever is open. They let him play with legos or play cards. Sometimes they just do some sensory stuff in the hall if he needs that. Kyle also has a break card they are teaching him to use at other times if he needs a break. Its very hard for him to ask. They wrote a social story for him about needing a break that the aide reads with him. It says: Sometimes when I have difficult work, I feel frustrated. Feeling frustrated is ok. I will try to learn to stay calm when I am frustrated. I can ask for help from my teacher or Mrs. B. when I am frustrated. I can read my social story. I can take a big breath and count to ten. I can ask for a break. I give Mrs. B a break card. I take a break for five minutes. I talk about a plan with Mrs. B to go back in the classroom and finish my work. After the break is over, I go back to class.
I hope hearing what Kyle has in place helps somehow.
Samantha
WOW. David sounds SOooo much like Alex (he's 8 and in the 3rd grade).
I have to apologize, because I haven't read what the others posted yet. But first of all, the school cannot use the excuse of not having enough money. They are required by law to provide the services neccesary for David. The fact that he gets all A's in his schoolwork has NOTHING to do with his being able to thrive in the school setting. I found that in the first couple years of elementary school, it's sometimes "easier" for kids like ours to do well in school, because the setting is usually more of a "hands-on" type environment, with small groups, centers, etc. But once they get into the higher grades, there is more sitting still in their seats. This is very tough for AS kids, who need a different kind of stimuli to learn.
Alex gets almost all A's, but requires an almost full-time aide to keep him focused. Alex gets frustrated easily and has no idea how to channel that frustration. He needs repetitive social stories and reminder of the rules to handle certain things. Since first grade, Alex has been given "zone time" periodically throughout the day. They set up a special place for him to go where he could make all the noises he wanted and play with "fidgets". They would set a time timer so he knew how long he had there. In first grade the "zone" was inside the classroom. In 2nd and 3rd, it was changed to the resource room.
Alex's teacher says he doesn't "know" his math facts; he knows them inside and out, but they are big on timed tests - NOT something he can cope with very well, so he always scores in the 20's and 30's on them. David needs someone who is creative in teaching him his math; someone that can make it fun (and this is definitely different for each child), just as you had done when he was younger.
Sorry I'm rambling, but this is something so familiar to me. There are lots of good books out there that explain how AS kids learn, and what accommodations are helpful to them. It sounds like your special ed staff needs to learn more about AS. I'm going through this right now with Alex's new school (he started this year); I feel like I'm having to educate them. It's a tough job, but hang in there and continue being David's #1 advocate!
Laurie
Laurie
We are in a similar situation. Son does not have an IEP yet - we are in the eval part right now. I just had a meeting with the school staff to come up with an immediate behavior plan to take care of my son's escalating behaviors. During that meeting I kept suggesting having an aide in the classroom for son. School psychologist kept saying he doesn't need to have an aide or he doesn't need to be in the special intervention class because he is performing at grade level - not having any academic struggles. I think that is complete dog-poo. I even suggested having an on-call aide to be called only when son's behavior is escalating into a meltdown - that way, the teacher could continue teaching the 20 other students and aide (or intervention person) could try to redirect son or talk him through the meltdown or remove him from the room. They just kept telling me that aides are expensive and hard to come by and my son does not need one.
Sorry I don't have any advice on how to get your son an aide - we are hearing the same exact excuses you are. Hang in there.
Christie
I just typed a long response and it got lost!!!
Anyhoo, we're in the same boat here......
Sam(AS, 6.5, 1st grade) has an IEP that focuses alot on academics. He sees a Sped teacher just about everyday, the OT for writing and speech for pragmatics and a horrible auditory discrimination problem. He struggles at recess and lunch. He often gets into fights and can't seem to keep his hands to himself when lining up or during group work periods. He also acts like your DS; using bad behavior to avoid work. He often comes home with incomplete or incorrectly done school work. When I go over it with him he does much better. He often gets stuck and doesn't know where to begin with reading and writing (he struggles alot with these.) I think he also sometimes just doesn't understand what he's supposed to be doing. He is not working up to grade level and we plan on keeping him back this year.
I just started earnestly trying to get him an aide after attempting this year at just requesting one at every meeting. I started by calling a local ASD non profit and getting some advice. I was told to request a psych reeval from the school paying particular attention to social skills and observing him during recess, lunch, lining up and group work periods. I was also told to write that I didn't think his problems in this area were being handled appropriately......so I did that.
I got a call the following week from the Sped. Director. She said that they usually do a Functional Behavior Analysis for social skills and did I want that instead. I realized that's what I really wanted done because Sam doesn't have a Behavior Intervention Plan (and he needs one.) So I requested that they both be done. I asked about the aide and she said, "we only give aides for kids with physical disabilities; kids that need their diapers changed.....etc." I spoke with the principal the next day about an incident and she said the same, but also added, "kids with autism." So I said, "Sam does have autism." These people have no idea about AS!
Anyhoo, I went over to the IEP board here http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppiep
and was advised to request a "prior written notice" from the school stating the *legal* reasons why Sam could not have an aide. Not having the money or we only give aides to a, b, c kids is not a legal reason. And apparently parents are supposed to get this anytime a service is denied. The kind ladies over there also told me to document any important conversations with a letter summarizing the details of the conversation to the appropriate people requesting a reply if anything in the letter is incorrect or misunderstood.
So that's where I am now. I'm pondering requesting the prior written notice now, but since they haven't even done the FBA yet, I'm not sure if that's wise. I may wait to see what they say after the FBA is done. The only discipline options they're using for Sam is "stop and think" Basically a loss of recess and we all know that Sam cannot just "stop and think" about anything right now. I'd love a BIP that focuses on his problems with social skills, sensory stuff and work anxiety.
Good luck, hope this helps
Chrystee