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| Mon, 10-09-2006 - 11:06pm |
I am in need os some advice from all of you experienced and sensible moms.
My son was on medicine for ADHD for about a year. After his diagnosis of Aspergers the Dev. Ped told us she wasn't convinced he had ADHD and suggested we take him off meds for 30 days to see if we see a big change in behavior and reduction in stemming. At this point we were battling with the school who refused to believe my son was anything but smart. So, we decided to take Dr's advise based on her expertise and partly because we wanted to see if school would take us seriously on his needs. Well, it worked, they are finally evaluating the heck out of him.
Fast forward, the 30 days off meds passed. We are pretty convinced that the medine had huge benefits for him and we put him on it two days last week. Mind you, we have never told school we took him off it, although we thought they were thinking we might of but we never said it. Anyway, those two days at school were more succesful. He came home and I asked how school was and if he did his classwork and he said "Yes, all of it because I took my medicine". I asked him if his teacher asked about his medcine and she did ask him.
Well, I was pissed because we have NEVER told our son what that medicine is all about. We have taken a lot of care in NOT telling him. So, those two days he took it, he began stemming (the first day) horrible with hair twisting he was showing more signs of anxiety and he barely ate anything. Keep in mind my almost 7 year old wears a size 4T- so his low weight is an issue for us. We made the decision to take him back off it and made an appt with his Dr to discuss other options.
Today my son comes home and I ask if he completed his classwork and he says "No" and I begin to ask him why he didn't. He yells "Because you didn't give me my medicine". Now I am even more pissed! I asked him what makes him think his medicine makes him finish his work and he said "It does and it calms me". Now WE have never said this to him so it has to be from his teacher.
So, now the more I think of it the more pissed I get. Why am I being secretive about this at all. This is MY CHILD AND I MAKE THE DECISIONS on what is best for him. I will decide if he takes medicine and I have decided that the cons are outweight the pro's right now and I don't care if theyknow or not. Furthermore the medicine is possibily masking the issues that they NEED to see in order to know what kind of help he needs.
Am I overreacting? Feel free to set me straight. I have a conference with his teacher on Wednesday.
Thanks
Melissa

You are *so* not overreacting. I have a younger brother who is (I think/hope properly) dxed ADHD... and my mother made the mistake of telling him at age 5 what his meds were for. I don't think there is anything in life she regrets more. He is now 22yro and a major deliquent. He *never* learned any sense of responsiblity for his actions and blames *everything* on if and when he took what meds.
My mother believes if she had used the meds as an *aid* to his self control without telling him what they were for... it could have made a world of difference in who he is today. It may not be the *only* reason for the decisions he has made... but telling him (even unintentionally) from early on that *his* choices were meaningless and only the medicine could effect his actions was *not* a good decision. It changed his whole outlook on himself and his capablities and it sounds like it is doing the same to your son.
I think I would go in on *fire*! I have no idea just what would be the best thing to say... but I know I would be just as ticked as you.
Kristy
Are you sure that they told him and he didn't figure it out for himself? Our AS kiddo's are pretty darn smart. If you even asked more about how was his day when he started taking it again it is likely he was able to put 2 and 2 together since it is pretty logical.
Before you say something to the teacher I would investigate it more. I have plenty of times been angry at the teacher from something I was sure had happened then looked the fool. OUr kids are not the great communicators so it is hard to figure this stuff out and we tend to do alot of inferencing that would typically be correct with most kids but not always with ours.
Try to figure out a concrete way to ask him.
It may be as simple as he really notices the difference for himself of what the med does.
Renee
Well, I guess I have two thoughts about this. You are definitely the mom and YOU make the decisions. If the teacher is telling your son things that you prefer she not, you for sure have the right to discuss this with her. But when you talk, I think you need to try to be calm and explain your rationale.
Also, like Renee said, I also think you need to be sure, if you can, that this is what is happening. I only say this because of my experience with my son. Not with meds, but with diet.
My son is GFCF and he has figured out on his own that certain foods make him feel bad. The way he figured this out is not so great, I feel guilty about it, but we gave him some regular pasta to see if our theory was correct and he had a very bad reaction. He made the connection that the pasta "made him sick and act crazy" (his words, not mine). Then he connected that pasta to other pasta and started to get kind of phobic about all foods. So we had to explain, in simple terms, which foods might "make him sick." It was actually empowering for him. When he is somewhere and we are not with him, he will ask if he can eat something or not.
I know this is not the same, but I just mention it bc our kids are so logical and I was surprised that Eric was so self-aware of his body.
As for telling our kids about their dx, well, that is definitely not the place for anyone but you to discuss with your son. If the teacher is the one telling your son things, and you suspect further incidents, you do need to lay it on the line.
Just my 2 cents.
I asked my son if his teacher asked him about taking medicine and he said that she had asked him if he took it those two days he was calm in class. So, that is what I was basing my feelings on.
I definitely won't go in there in attack mode. I am not even sure if I should mention it because you feel like any time you make a comment about anything that it will result in their attitude to your child. You feel held hostage by the school it seems. You don't want to make anyone mad but I don't think they feel the same way when dealing with parents.