WWYD: caregivers and sleep

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Registered: 03-25-2003
WWYD: caregivers and sleep
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Sun, 04-09-2006 - 9:51pm

I am truly blessed by a good friend of mine who will watch my son on the weekends when I work.

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Registered: 09-12-2004
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 11:07pm

That is really a pickle, because she's a friend, she's doing you a favor, and she won't take your money. Is it really important that she take him all weekend? Is it for work and all? If not, maybe you could cut back on how often he goes.

Sleep is and always will be a big thing for me. If my kids don't get a good night's sleep, they just don't do well. One night is one thing, but two or three nights in a row just would unglue them. If you really need your friend to keep him over the weekend, I think it's important for her to keep some semblance of his routine for him. Are her kids staying up until 11:30 pm? Are they a lot older than he is? Can he put himself to bed very easily over there? Hopefully this is just an isolated weekend and not the norm. But with summer coming and no school, it would be really easy for routines to get out of whack (I have to really watch myself and my husband with this -- we don't create enough structure sometimes).

Your friend sounds like a really well meaning, loving person. If you can tell her the kinds of things that happen when he doesn't get enough sleep and mention how much you appreciate her keeping him for you and ask how you can help her keep his sleep schedule, maybe you can work it out with her without any hurt feelings. If not, can you find an alternative situation?

Kelly

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Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 6:59am

Dear Devvie,

I think I would definitely draw the line on the 11:30 late night and reiterate that earlier is necessary, but it also looks like your ds did adjust some by sleeping in later, which he doesn't do at your house. He must be pretty comfortable there and with those kids, which is GOOD! I'm curious, did he have meltdowns and extra difficulties after the weekend?

Malcolm (age 8, PDD-NOS) goes on sleepovers sometimes. He doesn't always get the proper sleep on these occasions, but he also adjusts. And the comradery, thrill of independence, etc. is so worth it. I do not notice a rise in difficulties, because he is happy, so he deals with it.

But I get that your worry also comes from fact that plans are to do this often. Sounds like your friend stretched your small leniency on half hour or hour later... She probably doesn't need to be as strict with her kids. I think I would talk with my friend about your concern, explain that constant late nights will be too wearing for your son, and ask for more regular, earlier bedtimes. And brainstorm with her if necessary, on how this can be done. Work together. Especially if her kids are older, there may actually need to be a strategy..

Yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm