Yeesh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Yeesh.
2
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 3:13pm
So I have read that many people with asperger's want to have friends, but often are withdrawn socially because of past failures. So when do those failures happen. I am starting to think it is first grade.

In the past 1-2 weeks, Mike has been terrorized because of some kid pretending there are bees in his hair, on Friday a different kid pushes him on the playground. (On an up note, his one friend, Eli, who we are close to outside of school stuck up for Mike. Of course Eli is much smaller than my Mike so that must of looked odd, but just the same glad he has someone to look out for him) Then yesterday, Eli was pulled aside after school by Mike's best friend from Kindergarten, Quinn. Quinn tells Eli that he will play with Eli at lunch if Eli stops playing with Mike, but he wont play with him if Eli plays with Mike. To his credit, Eli told him NO WAY.

So downside, Mike is having social difficulties at school. On the upside, he has a really good friend in this little guy. Bummer the kid is being retained next year and will be a year behind Mike from now on.

PPPPHT. Well I have called the school counselor now 3 times in the past 2 weeks. Supposed to be getting social skills and counseling for Mike per his 504. Do you think she may call me back? Let's start making bets, I could use a few dollars.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 7:26pm
LOL, NO WAY am i going to take that bet. I am pretty broke, and i hardly ever bet against the odds....

It is really nice when there are a few kids that know how to stand tall and go up against the rest of the kids. It is a nice quality to have. And i wish more kids had it.

Good luck on that councelor, and i am sending positive thoughts your way!

Helen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 8:43pm
I'll put $5 on 'NO, she doesn't call you back durring THIS school year'. Is there a square for that in the betting pool? LOL.

On the subject of 'Aspies wanting friends but becoming regressed because of failures early in life' my resident expert (my AS DH) tends to agree with that. He's been having this agrument with several of my collegues lately. Most of them say 'persons anywhere on the autistic spectrum simply do not want friends'. But his simple reply is "Then how do we keep reproducing?" His stance is a simple one. Aspies, like NTs, want mates. THAT cannot be denied. And he isn't talking about just sexual encounters. They want lifetime partners who are interested in them that they can share all the little things with. Infact, from what we can tell, the average person on the spectrum takes the whole idea of having a spouce a lot more seriously than the average NT. At my DH's request my parnter and I just ran a quick poll of 26 adult Aspies and asked them "What would you personally consider a divorcable offense in a marraige?" To our surprise, 21 of them said "None, there is no divorcable offense." And this was after we brought up things like spoucal abuse (in which they are most likely to be the victims). After discussing several senarios they reluctantly agreed that if thier spouce abused them or their children and refused to get help that they might have to consider divorce as a matter of survival. To ballance things, we asked 26 NTs who are not even familiar with the spectrum the same question. 25 of them had a list as long as my arm without even hesitating. Only ONE said there was no divorcable offense, and she sighted her religious beliefs as her reason for that. DH says he thinks that boild down to the Aspie sense of justice. A commitment is a commitment, end of story. But the main point is "Isn't a sigificant-other a friend?"

Dh says he remembers playing with other kids when he was little. But at some point the friend always went away and he could never understand why. He said that after a while he just stopped putting himself out there to be rejected like that. He didn't understand what was going on, all he knew was that he was constantly seperate from the 'the group' when he really didn't want to be. But he had no idea how relay what he felt or if it was even appropriate for him to try.

Today, my Dh has a few friends other than me. He has his buddy he plays cards with and does a lot of the 'homeschooling dad' activities with (My partner, Scott) and he has his fishing buddy, Pat, (who we think MIGHT be an Aspie too). The people at work all like him (okay, there's that ONE guy....there's always gonna be one, but DH has learned to ignore him). The guys in the co-op all like him. But he doesn't spend much time away from his family (unless you count work). He says all of his life he has wanted to 'belong' but has never found the right place....until he started a family.

Candes

Peace,
Candes