Is your child affectionate?
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| Fri, 03-10-2006 - 10:12am |
Hello,
My son has not been diagnosed but it is possible he has Aspergers. He has been diagnosed with SID and ADD has been mentioned, among other things (ODD, probably others) but there's more to it than that. I have been reading books and my son does not seem to have as many difficulties as some of the kids in the books. He's almost normal but then there are things. I will think for a while that everything is ok and then I realize, no, this is not right. I know that there is a range. This new book I'm reading, Eating an Artichoke, is really good so far but got me thinking. Her son is not very affectionate and my son used to not be as a baby but now that he's five, he really is. In fact, today he was laying by me and said out of the blue, "I love you mommy." And he will at times say "I'm sorry you are frustrated," if he sees me frustrated about something. But there are so many other things and times when he doesn't seem to understand others feelings.
What are your experiences with this?
Shelly


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On and off in phases depending on how they are doing.
Cait has never been "affectionate" per se. She loves her family but has her own way of showing it. She is very affectionate with animals and occasionally will be with me if she is in the right kind of mood. However, now she is nearly a teen so you can figure how often that happens due to just the teen-ness of her. She does show it in her own way by kidding with us, etc.
Mike always has been the more affectionate of the 2 but again it depends on his mood. Sometimes he is very affectionate and sometimes he is withdrawn, but again it is in his own way. Mike is very tactile defensive (both are) so that kind of negates the whole cuddling thing, but Mike will tackle me with a quick ferocious hug on his terms. He will still give me a kiss goodbye at school if I ask and sometimes when I don't. They are both quite attached to mom.
I once knew a severely autistic boy who was very affectionate with his mom. So it really depends on a case by case basis. I know many autistics that are affectionate in thier own ways and show love in thier own way so I think the assumption that happens that autistics/AS people aren't affectionate is a misnomer.
Renee
When my son was a baby...he was happier being alone...now, he is 6 and SO affectionate...he tells his family that he loves them, hugs and kisses everyone, when something happens to me...i'm crying, or just got hurt...he will rub my back and tell me everything is ok. He is VERY sweet, and affecionate....but he has some type of PDD (will find out exactly what the week of the 20th). I think there is a HUGE broad span of PDD, and not every kid will fit a mold......every child is unique in their PDD.
Heather
my guy is affectionate with me and his grandma. Even before he was diagnosed, his teacher described him as extremely compassionate but lacking empathy.
Christie
Shelly,
Nathan is similiar to Chase (Vicky's ds). He's affectionate and loves to cuddle, but not when he's busy doing something! We have "cuddle times" during the day. Right before we go to school in the morning we reserve about 15min for cuddling. And right before we go to bed at night...same thing. These cuddles times are a part of "his" routine...if he doesn't get his cuddles he gets VERY UPSET!! During the day, I still get cuddles .....but it varies. Depends on his mood and what he's doing.
Most of his affection is expressed to me. But he's also affectionate with his dad and brother. He's still a bit reserved around others, even family.
michelle
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It seems like from your responses that it is not that unusual for kids with this type of disorder to show affection.
Vicky- My son will do that too where he goes on and on about his favorite topic. He does that on the phone to his grandparents. I start to want to "rescue" them because it will go on and on. But then it is nice because my older son who is NT doesn't want to talk to them at all.
Shelly
My almost 11yr old son with Asperger's is very affectionate. He's huggy and kissy and tell us he loves us all the time. My 7yr old dd with anxiety disorder hasn't been affectionate up till this year. She has just started telling us now and then she loves us. And just today she kissed me on the lips, out of the blue. She's only done that one or two other times. After she kissed me she said, "I've started to give kisses on the lips now." LOL I said, "yes, and I love it"!
Samantha
As a baby, I thought my son was very affectionate. And I still do. But I also think part of it was the beginnings of his sensory seeking nature. But even as a baby, he was only affectionate really with me and DH.
As time has gone on, he is like everyone else has said and it is on his own terms. But when he is affectionate, the things he does seem so sweet to me, although I know nobody else but me could understand.
Today, I cut my finger. Eric ran to the fridge and gave me a juice box that was in the freezer. He thought I needed to "ice" it. Then he got bandaides. He was very serious and said, "it will be ok."
I've written this before, so old timers just skip, but it still touches me. Once when I was crying over something sad, he came up to me and said "I will whistle gaily to cheer you up." Which was an echolailic line from Thomas the Tank Engine, but used in the right context and to me the sweetest thing. He got the right context.
He has yet to say "I love you." We had some kiss on the lips experiences, but I think they were more of a curiosity thing for him. However, he always snuggles in, loves to sit on laps, but again, but he only does it w/ people he feels comfortable with. Otherwise he is kind of formal.
Katherine
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Sam has always been very affectionate. Sometimes overly affectionate to the point that it can be a problem because he doesn't realize how annoying it can get. He is not like this with adults other than DH and I but is with kids in school and his lil' bro. He likes to crash into you and hug really hard, but if I try to give him joint pressure myself he hates it!
He's never had separation anxiety. I could drop him off at daycare, kindy....etc the first day without a big deal at all. It was a bit disappointing for my first kiddo to act like he didn't need me at all, but I know that it's just 'cause he's so excited by new things and genuinely likes to be around his friends at school.
He too has times when he seems very "lucid." It's the best word that I've come up with to describe it when he's super with it, handles transitions OK; says, "ok" when I ask him to do something (rather than it taking lots of redirection..etc.) Other times he is just in his own world, acting out his action/adventure inner dialogs with sound effects...etc when he's supposed to be doing his homework or brushing his teeth. His mind wanders and it's hard to get it back. I'm not sure if there's anything that triggers a good or bad day. I'm starting to think that it's just part of AS. I just wish it was easier to predict.
Chrystee
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