ADHD, maybe Asperger's?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
ADHD, maybe Asperger's?
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 8:19pm

Good Evening! :)

I have a 6 yr. old son, Colin, who was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago. I think that I want to have him tested for Autism. Our ADHD dx was made by filling out a questionnaire from our psychologist, he completed a letter that we took to our our ped. and off we started on Adderall. He really has a lot of social issues - he's just generally a negative kid...he has no friends. He's just gotten to the point where he'll come up and hug me and my husband...he can't/won't say I love you or anything even close. Doesn't look people in eye, unless you get down to his level and request it and even then you have to be someone he knows. He's pretty good about asking kids to play with him at the playground but he just can't seem to relate to kids too much, he's usually okay for about 1 hr with other kids and then he starts in on them, he can't really seem to hold a conversation. He keeps up academically, he's been sent home numerous times from school for hitting and calling names. He still has meltdowns and he doesn't sleep, I never know where he's going to end up in the morning. He's organized, loves any toy with a wheel - used to stare at the spinning wheels when he was younger, keeps them lined up in his room. He used to be terrified of loud noises and ceiling fans (when he was 2 we moved into a house that had a fan in the living room and it took him about 2 weeks before he would step foot in that room)...he seems to have some anxiety, lately he's been talking about me dying. It breaks my heart, I really feel like he thinks I'm the only one that knows him, understands him and doesn't judge or shun him which usually happens with everyone else, people just seem to ignore him. My problem is I can't seem to get a dr. to test him for autism, seems I should just be satisfied with ADHD. But then I wonder, does it matter what the dx is? If he's mildly autistic...will that do us any good? The only thing I can think of is that maybe we'll get a little bit of empathy instead of people just thinking we're bad parents! We still need to work on the same issues...sleeping, social, etc. What do you all think? Also, who homeschools...I'm thinking that might be our best option, just wondered if anyone had an opinion?

Thanks all!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 8:41pm

Welcome to the board!

Please feel free to post to the more active upper board and introduce yourself. This section of the board doesn't see much activity.

This is a great board for getting support from BTDT moms who understand what living with life on the spectrum is like. I hope you find the support you need here.

Looking forward to hearing more about your family and yourself as time goes on.

Andrea, mom to


Andrea, mom to

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 6:54pm

Hi Kyla,

I am new here to this board--I was a longtime poster and lurker when my oldest was first born (he's 12 now) and I came to this particular board tonight to find some support now that we are dealing with his Aspergers.


mom to Matthew (6 1/2), Aidan (2 1/2), and "peanut" EDD 11/28/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 1:25am

My little guy was originally dx'd ADHD, but I never thought it completely fit him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 9:22pm

Hi Kyla,

My 9 year old son was misdiagnosed with ADHD when he was 5 - this was in Dec of his Kinder year. It wasn't until the end of his second grade year that his speech therapist recommended an ADOS test. He went through part of that at school and part at a neuropyschologist's office. It has been about an year and a half now since his true diagnosis and it has been so much better. It has taken an entire year to get him on the proper treatment plan and that has been a long and frustrating journey but my son, my daughter and me are all a better family for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 9:39pm

Hi, your situation sounds very much like ours. My girlfriend's son has a lot of the same symptoms you describe and I thought perhaps we could share some information and compare notes, so to speak. Her son is also six years old and we are currently working on getting an evaluation done. If you would like, send me an email on this board and I'll send you my personal email address. I would love to be able to talk to someone with similar issues. You may have to go into your profile and turn on your email settings before emailing me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 10:33am
Welcome to the board, Kyla!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 10:04am

The right dx makes a world of difference, at least for YOU.

Other parents stink, and always will. We recently had an issue at the park yesterday. My DS was being a turd, and the parent of the typical child kept making comments about my son's language, behavior, etc., and was of course spitting out what needs to be done with him.

To calm him, I put on the handicap swing, strapped him in and ignored him. A parent of an obviously autistic child was 2 swings away from us. I apologized to him for DS's language. He just said this behavior was "normal" for our kids, and that was the end of it.

So it doesn't matter the dx when it comes to most people of typical kids, even people who are supposed to be your friends.

It matters for you because if you don't pursue the Dr willing to evaluate your son, it will always be in the back of your head. You'll get to the point where his behavior isn't typical of ADHD and you'll probably get frustrated.

As for the Docs thinking you should be satisfied with ADHD, they're being morons. My ds has so many overlapping dxs it's crazy, but one of these alone doesn't explain him. He's dx'ed with PDD-NOS, ADHD combined type, severe sensory processing disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and a few others. This all helps me (to an extent. we obviously have days from hell). My first defense to any behavior is to fix the sensory side of things (which is why I put on the swing when his behavior was horrid). If sensory doesn't work, I remember to pick my battles. It really, really sucks to hear your sweet 5 year old little man call you an a-hole, but hey, at least he isn't beating me. I just pretend he didn't say it and move on so we don't get into a power struggle over something HE can control (ie, I have no means to physically control what comes out of his mouth).

The right dx will truly help you to understand his behavior and help with your sanity!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 11:39am

Hi and welcome to the board.

I would say, from our experience, that it is absolutely worth pursuing the 'right' diagnosis. The wrong one will inevitably lead to the wrong kinds of treatments, therapies and drugs. If someone is having meltdowns because of ADHD then you would tackle them in a completely different way than if they were autisitc/Aspie meltdowns, for example. It was only when we got a proper diagnosis (in our case Aspergers) that DS's behaviour made any kind of sense, and once we understood the issue we could understand how to tackle it properly.

I know there are lot of people here that say the diagnosis doesn't matter, what matters are the in a sense if you can access the help you need with an ADHD diagnosis then you don't necessarily need another diagnosis. But I really think that the world is so different for Aspies that in order to help them function in our NT world we *have* to get the diagnosis right. For a couple of years well-meaning but wrong professionals thought DS had ADHD and SID, and treated him accordingly, and it was wrong. And so he got more frustrated, lonely and unhappy.

Now we have the right diagnosis he is one of the happiest people I know, and his dfficulties have reduced hugely. It will never go away, but I don't buy the 'labelling' theory because not giving something its proper name doesn't make it go away, it just makes it harder for the poor sap with the condition to get the help and support they need.

On the 'being terrible parents' thing: sadly, that doesn't go away, although it does help when you have meltdowns or difficult behaviours in public to be able to say 'it's ok, he's autistic'. but there is still a lot of ignorance around and you'll get hassle no matter what from people. Sod them, what do they know?


Kirsty, mum to Euan (11, Aspergers) Rohan (6, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"

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