Hi, I need a little help for a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Hi, I need a little help for a friend
1
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:29am

I know that sounds like the old joke " I have a friend who has this problem..." but in fact this time it is true! This is a long post but please bear with me!!
I found this site last fall, some of you may recall the student nurse who had lots of questions?? Well, I graduated in Dec.!! And I am now officially an RN and employed!! I have two ds's both with ADHD #1 is 10 yrs old, #2 Paul,is 7yo. Paul has some AS qualities and I was researching that for me and, for a presentation I had to give to my fellow nursing students, when I came across this site, I found some wonderful information and some really wonderful people here who helped me a great deal. Thank you all for being so supportive! (I gave my friend below all my info and all the messages you all gave me printed out for her to read)
BTW Paul is doing very well, he is no longer needing his social skills class on his IEP but will continue to 2nd grade with speech therapy. He also was asked to return to the "gifted and talented" class for math!! YAY!

My friend from the southwestern suburbs of Chicago, just outside of Joliet, has just recently had a dx of AS for her 6yo son. She has gone through SI therapy with him but still struggles at times with that. She is also going through a very difficult, messy divorce with a man who is basically in denial that his son has any problems at all. I went to visit her a couple of weeks ago and could see that she really needs some support from people other than me that can give her some help or tips on coping of any sort and positive support that she is not getting from her family nor from her ex. I live 3 1/2 hours away but wish that I did not. She needs someone to be able to call or ask to come over when her ds is having his "tantrums"(for lack of a better word). Her relationship with her ex was verbally abusive and her ds copycats her ex's accusations when he gets going. I was in the next room with my kids during an episode (sparked by a time out) of her ds being particularly difficult, when, in trying to keep her ds from hurting himself as he grabbed a lamp, she grabbed his wrist, he lashed into her and was saying the most hurtful things he could think of. After about 10-15 min, I knocked on the closed door feeling that I had to step in, only to find her crying in the bathroom and her ds screaming at the top of his lungs that she didn't love him...I asked if I could talk to him for a while knowing that she just needed to step out and calm herself down and that he needed to calm down too. I had not had the chance to visit in person with her for two years and the child I had known was very different from the one I was now dealing with.
My heart went out to my friend, I know how it can be very difficult to deal with a child that cannot control his emotions, my eldest, though never dx with AS can, even at the age of 10, have me losing my mind and trying desperately to not drive away and never come back when he has his tantrums. Luckily he has never thrown any breakable objects nor hurt himself, however we no longer have a functioning doorknob on his bedroom here or at his dad's house and there may be a few dents in the walls from his feet! (in a side note, my eldest ds asked, after listening to the raging and crying coming from the other room asked if he had ever been like that, I said yes and that he still can be at times, he looked at me with eyes wide and said " I am so sorry, mom, I had no idea what it was like for you..", made me want to cry right then and there!)
Please...
This is what I am asking, my friend is not internet savvy, however, she is a teacher and has an email account through the school. I asked her if she would mind if I asked if there was anyone here on this board that might live close enough to her to maybe stop by or meet her some time so when she needs a reassuring voice or just someone to stop in and help redirect her ds when she is at the end of her rope. She has some good friends in the area but none that would really understand the way I know people on this board can understand (nonjudgmental) what she is going through. She said she would love it if it were possible...she also gave me permission to give out her email so anyone from here could contact her. It is: spollyea at d91 dot net or you can email me Rebecca at savvy88_99 at yahoo dot com. I can only give her words of encouragement, you women have lived with AS and know so much more about coping than I do. I told her about this board but I don't think with out being walked through it that she will log on. She does not have a computer at home, only at work. I know she checks her emails there though!!
Thank you letting me explain, I hope this works out some how, even if it is a phone number she could call.
Thank you again for just being here!! This is such a wonderful community!

Hopefully...
Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:40am

Rebecca,


Congratulations on your graduation!


I read your post carefully, and I am not sure if there is anyone here who could really help your friend in the way that she needs. We are a "close-knit" board in cyberspace, however geographically, we are spread all over the place, with some concentration on either

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com