Hi, new and lost!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Hi, new and lost!!!!!
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 9:16pm

Hello, my name is maggie
My DS is 7, he was dx with aspergers, adhd and anxiety just this summer. Previously he was dx with just adhd. He is scheduled for a neuropsych eval in Nov. becuase a medical Dr. wrote a script just saying aspergers, adhd and anxiety and the school wants a whole new eval.

We have had no success with simulant based meds. He had bad side effects like hallucinations and bad depression.

Hes taking strattera now and He's have a very bad time at school (2nd grade). The school has called me 2x in only a week in a half since school started. He has had a one on one aid every day so far and he is doing nothing. 1:1 aid is not in his 504 plan but he's 'unmanageable.' My DS is miserable. He says he hates me now every day and he is very upset about going to school.

I told the school spec ed teacher today i feel helpless. I dont know what to do! They call me like I should fix this and I can't fix it.

My MIL has been a real bitch too. She babysits him after school and my older daughter told me that she has been screaming at him every night and telling him that 'her chidren would never get away with behavior like his.' and if my DD tells her to stop, she says "He doesn't get disciplined at home." I want to find a new sitter, and then the family will be at war for sure. She's an old fashioned bitch who feels I should simply spank him and punish him more. I've raised him the same way I raised my DD who's an honor student!

I feel like a failure with the school calling and I feel like they want me to fix my son, and with my MIL's constant barbs about my son being undisciplined and not raised right. I'm pregnant and starting to wonder if I can even be a parent again.

As much as I try to focus on my son, and not make this about me, I feel like a huge freaking failure and I just wonder if I should be doing something different to fix this. My DH is obliviious, and therefore unsupportive.

Everyday I wonder what will become of my beautiful son and why can't everyone just love him like I do??????????????????????????????????????

Sorry about the long winded rant. I just feel so alone and lost here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 10:27pm

First I want to say hugs to you. You have the trifecta. . .Nasty MIL, School problems, and hormones. There will be better days, I promise. I can also tell you what you already know, You didn't cause DS's behavior. I would find a new sitter and family war be danged. Your son doesn't deserve to be yelled at for something that's not his fault. My DD's dad's family doesn't believe she has that many problems, because "She never does it here." I can't give you much help on the school front as we're just starting that battle (DD is 5), but I know there's other ladies on the board that can lend some support there. There are good days and there are bad days. Sometimes there's a month of bad ones, and it's just really nice to know you're not the only one dealing with it.

Welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 11:35pm


Welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 1:27am

Sweetie I would do both of the things that the other ladies have suggested. But FIRST, get him and your dd out of that environment NOW!

You can never control how other people think, only what you think. I would find a ymca or an after school program for them. Someone with experience with adhd and autism especially, but if not, a daycare business would be very unprofessional with yelling and screaming at your child period. Family likes to do this because it's family YKWIM?

Also contact the boys and girls club. They know alot about special needs and can help, maybe at a very low cost.

Lastly, I hate to say this, but can you quit your job? Can you guys get by for awhile until you find out what he needs with school and daycare? I don't mean this forever, but really, he should be put first you know? He should be out of an abusive environment, like at your mil's. So should your dd, as she has to put up with the screaming and yelling while she's there. That can scare a child tremondously, even if the child doesn't cause any problems.

I want to hear the update on your situation. So I really, really stick around and join our wonderful group. We have a lot of lovely ladies here, and you can get some wonderful info!!!!

Sweetie, it's not your fault. YOu did not cause autism, adhd or anything else neurological. Please don't forget that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 9:27am

Welcome to the board Maggie,

I am sorry you didn't find us sooner. You seem to have been struggling a long for a long time with little support and a lots of judgement unfairly directed your way.

I am curious to understand what is your DH's attitude to your son's DX? Becase if he believes in it, and in your parentling skills, then he is the one who should speak to his mother about her attitude and behaviour.

How long has he been taking the Strattera? Have you seen any benefits with it?


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 9:49am

Hi Maggie!

First a huge hug to you, you have alot on your plate.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 8:33pm


I am SO sorry to hear the ordeal you are in right now. Yes this is a difficult/tricky time in your life. I am really jacked about your MIL...........I am so steamed for you. As for DH, this is a denial thing........ughhhh

I found this article and hope this will help you some how some way. I hope you find comfort here. I have & these group of gals are wonderful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 11:38pm

Wow, Nora, thank you for sharing this article.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 3:41pm
LOL sorry that didn't really come out right.