LoSt...NeW....sortof long....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
LoSt...NeW....sortof long....
22
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 9:51pm

Hi, My name is Jennifer. I am mother to DS (7), DD (5.5) and DD (almost 2). I live alone with them. Work with my husband.

Have some questions. My son was diagnosed with ADHD last March and is on Adderal 10mg at 8am and 10mg at noon. (was on Adderal XR, Metadate CD)

He has had the "pooping" issue. (Resolved about 4 months ago!) He always liked to play alone, even at playgroups when he was younger. He has no real friends now, no playdates. He did join Cub Scouts this year...but the interest is starting to dwindle.
He is in second grade. He has an IEP through the school. Behavioral Plans and 1 hour a day with a tutor and 1/2 hour a week with the social worker. Preferential seating, modified work, and environment if needed for testing. We were seeing a psycholigist but stopped a few months ago. It was 1/2 hour once a week. He has diffictuly "coping". He was violent prior to the medications. Hitting kids or teachers. He hates everyone. Every thing he joined (ie. karate, soccer, baseball....he quit a bit into it) He has no real friends. Will not play with the group. If he doesn't want to do the work given by the teacher, he doesn't. If there on the carpet and he wants to go to his desk, he just gets up and does it. He gets "set off" sometimes by nothing. Crumbles his paper, throws his pencil, refuses to cooperate. He has no coping mechanisms. He is up every night late. Cannot figure out a routine for the morning or night. Constantly reminding him. He can't get the routine of school either, for example unpacking his lunch box & putting lunch tickets where they belong & handing in his homework & take home folder. He has no real mentors.
The school did a PPT in the spring. He scored very high on the IQ +130, but performance very low. He is in 2nd grade and on a beginning 1st grade reading level. He has no interest. The school is doing another PPT now.
The school has started looking into a "smiles program" It's an outsourced program of 2 teachers of 4 to 6 similar children at a different school in the middle of town. (his sister started kindergarden this year)Not sure if this will be good for him.
He has no interest in anything, literally. TV and if I take away that, it's OK. He likes to build things with his hands.
When he is at his dad's he runs around and acts like totally out of control, ie. bouncing off walls, literally.
I have been lurking on this board for a bit and he seems to fit in with your children and there personality/behaviors.
Some Questions:
1. All the abbrevations, I can't figure them out...Is there somewhere I can go?
2. How do I get a proper diagnosis if he is actually not ADHD? What else could he be?
3. Any opinions about the smiles program?
4. How do I keep him interested in something so he can relish in the final goal.
5. He has NO self esteem, suggestions on boosting that?
6. How do I get him interested in school so he can actually learn. He has made no progress since the beginning of the year.
7. Is there something else he may have diagnosis wise that I don't know about, do they test medically (bloodwork) or with pen/paper?
8. Any discipline techniques that work?

I know this is alot and I can go on. You all sound wonderful and willing to help out. I really will appreciate any kind of advice given and will try everything. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.
Thank you all so much in advance for anything!
Jennifer

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 12:36am

HI, Jennifer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 9:43am

Jennifer,


Welcome to the board. We are glad to have you here.


Pull up a comfy chair and help yourself to some cyber-goodies.


The first time I read your post

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 10:09am

Hi, Jennifer!


I'm pretty new here myself. Henry is still in the testing process.


My ds Henry is 6 1/2 and in the first grade.


He also has zero interest in extracurricular activities, and we're doing Scouts this year but it's not looking very promising to last.


I don't really know the answers to your questions, but welcome!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 10:31am

My DS (age 8, 3rd grade) was diagnosed ADHD before we got a diagnosis of Aspergers. We found a neuropsychologist who diagnosed Aspergers, through meeting with me, questionnaires and direct observation of DS. But, he also did not rule out ADHD. We have not had any medical testing, i.e. bloodwork. I really think it takes finding the right doctor/psychologist who is familiar with the autism spectrum to work with you and your family. The first doctor who diagnosed ADHD spent 1 1/2 hours with us and sent us away with a RX for Ritalin. I don't think autism or Aspergers would have entered into his thinking.

Have you read The Explosive Child? I found it helpful for discipline at home. We have also used a chip system for the last several years to motivate behavior. DS gets a certain number of chips based on chores and behavior at home and school. He can use them to buy from the "chip store" which has things he is interested in like comic books and action figures. Going to Chuck E Cheese is a high ticket item for him. We've had to tweak the system along the way, but it does help DS to have a goal. If your DS likes to build things, maybe a small lego car would be an idea.

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:05pm

Ok Jennifer....I've put some thought into what you've said.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 7:47am

Hi Jennifer, and a late welcome,

Your son really could be one of our kids, but I agree with Paula, the lack of interests might indicate depression/anxiety. Being in the wrong school setting sure can cause that, BTW, and very quickly, I have stories...

1. All the abbrevations, I can't figure them out...Is there somewhere I can go?

The only one I noticed missed by earlier poster that we use is ASD - Autistic Spectrum Disorders - that covers all the people "on the spectrum". I still haven't figured out what HTH means lol...

2. How do I get a proper diagnosis if he is actually not ADHD? What else could he be?

NeuroPsych, Psychiatrist who specializes in ASDs, occasionally a Neurologist, look into Children's Hospitals. Who diagnosed him ADHD, do the drugs help him? He could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, ADHD can be co-morbid or even mis-diagnosed when it really is a form of autism, happens alot, as ASD symptoms can seem like ADHD.

3. Any opinions about the smiles program?

Don't know it, sorry. BUT a small, small classroom can work wonders for our kids, esp. if behavioral problems are really coming from sensory issues, I would sure look into it, pronto. Where your son goes now sounds really wrong for him..

4. How do I keep him interested in something so he can relish in the final goal.

He sounds like he has had a hard time with trying out pursuing his interests. This may take finding a way to lower his anxiety in life in general. Did you need to stop the psychologist? What happened? Seeing a therapist has been very helpful for my son.

5. He has NO self esteem, suggestions on boosting that?

Sounds like he could use some pampering, might he like a cuddly pet? He also might try some solo activities, swimming lessons, horseback riding were good ones for us and self-confidence. His school life sounds very tough, he needs somewhere to be successful and that may need to be facilitated and helped along by grownups until he feels better.

6. How do I get him interested in school so he can actually learn. He has made no progress since the beginning of the year.

The wrong school program won't work. Teachers who don't know how to help him learn won't get results. YOU can't do it for him, and he needs his program to be restructured, or a new program... Just my 2 cents. Not learning is not the fault of the student here. He may just be spending his days trying to keep himself from falling apart all day, which doesn't motivate learning of any sort.

7. Is there something else he may have diagnosis wise that I don't know about, do they test medically (bloodwork) or with pen/paper?

No medical test, neurological testing is by watching him try to do tasks, answering questions. My son calls the doctors "talk doctors".

8. Any discipline techniques that work?

Ditto "The Explosive Child", great book. Discipline needs to come from understanding WHY the behavior on the part of the disciplinarian, supplying structure that they can follow, teaching in small steps how to keep to the discipline, think of it as practise, practise, practise. Punishment doesn't work with our kids, providing a structured environment in which to learn how --- does. Calm, firm, consistent, letting them know that you understand it is hard for them but that they can learn, they are smart, they need guidance, but they can do it!

Hope these answers have helped. Do stick around, let us know how things are going and if we can help with anything even more specific!

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 8:15pm

Thank you for all the information...I will take it under advisement.

--jmc

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 9:36pm
HTH= hope that helps
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:18am

Hi, Jennifer

a few ideas
1. he could be Asperger's Syndrome
2. he has interest: "loves to build with his hands" Go from here: love his works and thus boost his self-esteem
3. he knows he is different. Nobody likes it. So he hates the whole world, but there is a big chance that he hates himself. Don't let him!!!!! Remind him that you love him no matter what.

All the best,
Eva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 1:16am
Hello to all. I have just signed up here. My name is Deanna and I have a 11 yr old daughter with AS. I have done alot of reading about other children with this, most of them seem to have some gift of some kind and are really really great with something or other. How do you discover this my daughter doesnt seem like she is really into anything long enough to be gifted with anything. How can I find what she is great at?? thanks so much Pearlywhitecity

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