Maybe this board will understand better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Maybe this board will understand better?
12
Sun, 08-03-2003 - 11:06pm
Hi, I haven't posted on this board in ages but certainly have posted here before, and on the autism board. and the parentsplace autism board. I apologize in advance that this will be somewhat long. My son's diagnosis is HFA, but after 3 years of therapy, at almost 7 years of age, he's quite verbal . . . and though he's not an Aspie diagnosis-wise, he now appears more like one. I now sometimes feel out of place talking about his issues on the Autism board(s) because I know a lot of people would be SO grateful if their kids could talk. And mine talks . . . he talks incessantly now because he's been reinforced for it . . . he talks MORE than a typical kid, although he's very repetitive.

Today I took him & his sister to the mall to get some school clothes for her. He already got his school clothes. On the way to the mall, he started asking for a toy at the mall. I said no. He kept asking, asked a hundred different ways, whined all of his usual whines "That's not fair! Why is it always fair for you and not fair for me!" (These are practically verbal stims they are so rote.) And, an interesting remark "If I don't get a toy today, I'll never get another toy again!" I tried to show him how that wasn't true, but he was getting more and more upset and worked up, crying, panting, just all in a lather about it. His 4 year old sister thank goodness was being very subdued and I think actually felt sorry for him because he was so upset. I told him we could pick out a toy to put in his treasure chest (he gets to pick a toy from a treasure chest for a certain number of clean and dry -- yep, it's still an issue, especially if he doesn't get his fiber supplement) days, or for eating his food for a certain number of days (yup, we have to bribe him to eat, he hates to eat). However that wasn't good enough for him. He couldn't deal with not picking out a toy at the mall for himself to have right then.

By the time we got in the mall and he was still upset, whining and crying, I was pretty fed up. I felt like smacking him (which I would never do). I fantasized about smacking him and wondered how he would react. I had long since told him if he didn't stop, he wouldn't even get to pick out a toy for his treasure chest (prize supply) -- and, sure enough, after warnings, he didn't stop, and I told him OK, no treasure chest toy even. He was just inconsolable.

Somehow he let me realize that the need to get a toy had gotten stuck in his head (like a song gets stuck in your head) and he couldn't get it out. I felt sorry for him. I thought about what it must be like to be him, and remembered he wasn't doing it on purpose, it was the autism. Then I told him we could spin the idea out of his head and I picked him up and spun him around a lot and that actually helped! He felt better after! I imagined what I would say if someone came up to me in Old Navy and told me I couldn't spin a child in there -- I was going to calmly say "He has autism, this is how I calm him down." I mean, what could they really say to that?

Anyway, I wasn't sure I could tell this tale on an Autism board, so I told it here, hoping you all could relate. Do you have kids who perseverate and go on and on about things because an idea gets "stuck" in their head and they can't get it out? I am now sufficiently worked up about this concept that I am going to look up ideas for getting "stuck songs" out of heads! I'll let ya know what I find! I actually read something about that once and flashed on it when I realized today what was happening to my son. I think you're supposed to do something to shake yourself up to get a song out of your head -- so I'm hoping it would work for a spectrum child with a stuck idea as well.

I'm always on the lookout for things I can teach my son so he can calm and center himself when he gets upset because of the effects of his autism. He gets SO inconsolable and so worked up. Any and all ideas for getting kids "un-stuck" would be greatly appreciated.

Tigs

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Avatar for kingalex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 1:39pm
OMG - you must be talking about my son! I apologize because I didn't read anyone else's response to your post (one thing I don't like about the new boards - it's very time-consuming to go through each post.

Anyway, my son Alex (who was diagnosed as HFA by the schools, only because they don't have Asperger's as one of their "categories") is a NON-STOP talker. He will also not let go of something that he really wants, and I know how aggravating it can be to listen to the whining. When he's not whining, he's CONSTANTLY talking about cars (his obsession). I can't tell you how many times a day I hear "do you like the (insert car name here)?" He spends hours looking at car magazines, and can tell you the make and model of any classic car, new car, or concept car. I have NO interest in cars whatsoever and neither does my dh (but I sure know a lot about them now!). It's great he has such a strong interest in something, but I just don't want to talk about it 24/7 with him!!!

No magical answers here - but just know you are not alone!! BTW, Alex is not yet completely potty trained yet either. Is usually constipated for 4-5 days at a time, and then will only poop in his pants. He REFUSES to poop in the potty, but is getting better about peeing in the potty most of the time.

Laurie

Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 8:16pm
We have had the BEST luck with fluids and fiber supplements in getting Bruno to poop in the potty. As far as pee, he's pretty good, but there are occasional accidents when he's very absorbed in something.

My son also drives us crazy talking about his obsessions, like sports (batting averages, ERA's, who's a good hitter and what kind of pitches the pitchers have, who they play for, etc.) and now Yugioh cards . . . .

He's also HFA, but I do believe he is NOT Aspergers because he had a severe speech delay (and still does have some speech delay despite the overproduction issues LOL).

Tigs

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