New to board - have 3yo and expecting #2

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2006
New to board - have 3yo and expecting #2
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 5:52pm

Hi all. I have a son who is almost 3 and a half years old who probably has PDD-NOS. We thought at first it was just SID (sensory integration dysfunction), but in addition to sensory issues, he has some obsessions (light bulbs, batteries, smoke detectors, etc.) and some mild developmental delays. However, he has made good progress in our EI program and now in his preschool class, which has kids with special needs and those developing typically. He gets speech and occupational therapy while at school.

I am now pregnant with our second and last child. I just found out we are having another boy, and I was soooo hoping for a girl, thinking a girl would be less likely to have sensory issues. I don't know if I can deal with another child with the severe feeding issues my son has. I just hope God won't give me another child with those issues. Our son does not chew food now, so we have to cut up food a lot and we have to feed him. He doesn't like to eat very much either. It has been a major pain to deal with, and still is to this day.

Did any of you have to deal with the chance of having another autism spectrum child? Did any of you go on to have "NT" kids, especially boys, after having one on the spectrum?

Mom to Kyle, born 5-28-03
EDD #2 3-31-07


Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 1:24pm

Welcome Michelle,

I have been super busy and in lurkdom, but wanted to welcome you. I have 5 children. boy, girl, boy, girl, boy. Only one is officially Dx as autistic, my middle son. He is now 10. He's actually the easiest child now (after all the battles I've had w/ the school and therapists I'm in a good place for a year until he changes schools). ALL of my children have sensory issues. My oldest has severe asthma/eczema/allergies and a ADD dx, tho I really think he's an aspie. My oldest DD is nt but very much a handful with the sharpest tongue!! My younger DD has some learning differences we're still trying to get a handle on. My youngest DS has SID but is slowly getting a handle on it and we've been very concerned about ADHD but as the SID is conquered the ADHD symptoms are deminishing.

I agree w/ the others that no matter the hand you are dealt you will be able to handle it. We do what we have to do for our children. I think I've learned to dream dreams for my children that are truely with in reach for them and know that not every child will be the head of the class or the best artist, but they all have a special talent or way to shine that God has blessed them with.

We're here for moral support when you need it!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 4:17pm

Hi Michelle, and welcome to the board!

I have 6 girls, 3 are on the spectrum. Having one child on the spectrum doesn't disclude the possibility of having NTs later on. My youngest (3yo) is fully NT and quite a handful in her own right!

Also, as others have pointed out, no two ASDs are the same. I have 1 autie and 2 aspies, and none of them have the exact same issues. My biggest fear was having another baby like my autie, who is now 12yo. Not because she was lower functioning but because she was very violent when she was younger. Neither of my other two ASDs turned out to be violent in the slightest, just the opposite. They don't defend themselves when they should. If one of their sisters does the normal sibling rivalry thing and makes to smack them in the shoulder or head they don't duck, they don't block, they just sit there and let themselves get hit and then cry.

But, then, like I said, my NTs are handfuls too. My 20 thinks she knows best and dropped out of college. My 14yo has more energy than all of her ASD sisters combind and is a natural socialite who ties upthe phone constantly and always has something to do that doesn't involved the family. And my 3yo! OY! She's recently discovered and developed modesty. Which means Dad is NOT allowed to help her get dressed, take baths, or anything else where he might see her in her nakedness. She's very firm about that and is ready to cry foul if her Dad accedently gets an eyeful of her bare skins (she really does need to stop using the master bathroom as her private dressing room. lol)

Anyway, every child is going to have their own thing that drives us nuts and makes us want to scream, or just break down and cry. Which is why we have boards like this! Someone pass this lady the cyber cookies and a beverage of her choice!


APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 1:12pm

Welcome to the board!!

My name is Michelle too! I have 2 boys. But my autie was my second. My oldest, Tyler is 10 and Nathan is 7 1/2. Tyler is very NT, although I do notice some minor autie traits in him....but then again...I have some mild traits myself!! LOL

Overall, Tyler is very NT. He's very social and loves people...very outgoing and no delays at all. I only planned on having 2 kids, so having another child wasn't an issue for me. But I do understand your concern. It is alot to deal with.

My brother's son just got dx'd with PDD-NOS...he's 5. He also has a younger daughter who is almost 3, but she's NT.

Anyway, just wanted to welcome you to the board! Hope to hear more about son and your family!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 12:28pm

I'm mostly echoing what everyone else said, but I also have four kids, two boys & two girls, two ASD, two not, boy/girl of each. It's my oldest girl and my youngest boy (1st & 3rd children) who are ASD. My other two kids do have some sensory issues and maybe ADHD. In my family, the two ASD are the ones who take after dh (everyone who sees them KNOWS who the father is -- they're miniature replicas of their dad) who is undiagnosed ASD. There are pros & cons for having multiple kids with the disorder as well as having them without the disorder. I think it's good exposure for my NT kids to hopefully gain some compassion for those who have more challenges than they (it's sure been educational for me!), and it's good for my ASD kids to see that life does not all revolve around them and their challenges. It's also nice for NT ds to have NT dd to play with since they like similar things, and it's nice for ASD dd & ds to have each other, so they don't feel singled out as the kid with problems. When pregnant with my last, I prayed hard that she'd be like her NT brother rather than ASD, and I got what I asked for, but some days I wonder if I prayed for the wrong thing. She's a handful -- much more than her ASD siblings many days. Yes, ASD is hard, but there can be challenges no matter whether they're ASD or NT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 10:23am

Hi! I have two boys.....Vaughn (8 yrs) is my aspie and Jack (2 yrs) is NT.


Avatar for cathby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 3:37pm

Hi Michelle,

Just chiming in to say that DH and I just decided to TTC #4. Yikes!

Anyway, my DS (age 5) is PDD-NOS and his two sisters (one older and one younger) are completely typical. In fact, I have one kid who won't talk and two who won't shut up!

I don't know whether it's anecdotal or not, but I have heard that it's usually the first son who is ASD. (I know... there are exceptions.) But it holds true among my ASD friends with 2 DSs.... it's always been their 1st DS.

Good luck with your pregnancy!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 8:00pm

You hit on a good point Dee.

Often with each ASD child you have, the chances of having another increases (after you have 2 it increases exponentially). I had 2 and so was at a hugely high risk to have more but my other 2 are not on the spectrum though the youngest likes to flirt with the edges of the spectrum, I think for him it is personality traits and will work out to be a positive for him. Just makes mom nuts.

Also, even with an increased risk the odds are on your side for the 2nd child not to be ASD.

For instance, you have a 1/166 chance of having 1 child with ASD. That is about 0.5%. Then when you have one I believe the chances of having an ASD child is like 3% (from what I recall. I may be a little off on that number but not much). So you still have a 97% chance the child will be typical.

Once you have 2 I believe then your chances go up to like 20% or 33%, or 1/5 or 1/3. Still odds are in your favor that the child will not be ASD.

So I agree best thing to do is keep an eye out but try and relax and just enjoy the baby.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 11:02am

Well, as with any genetic predisposition the chance of it occurring in subsequent children is always a bit higher.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 4:38pm

I have an 2nd child is COMPLETELY neurotypical! I swear!!! (running off to find some wood to knock on)


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Registered: 06-25-2003
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 10:25pm



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