New here and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2008
New here and confused
8
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 5:06pm

I don't even know where to begin. My daugher is 15. When she was little she was very early with everything, very smart and funny and everyone liked her. The problems started when she was 11.
She never liked school and at that time she got a physical problem which she used as an excuse for not going to school. First they were very understanding, said that she would easily catch up, but time passed and she did not get better. We tried by all means to get her to school. When she started high school it became easier to make her go there, but after a while we were told that she just hang around in school and did not go to the lessons.The following years have been a constant misery. We were announced to the social authorities and almost lost custody of her because she did not go to school.


When she went to school she never knew where her lessons were, never had the right books, never had done her homework, and all teachers told her how lazy and hopeless she was. She sometimes got very upset, cried and screamed, and we were told she was probably on drugs because of her moody behaviour.


When I read about ADD I suddenly saw her in a different light and I thought "this is her". At last I
managed to get an evaluation with a psychologist team

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 6:11pm

Majli, I'm sorry you've, and especially your daughter, had such a bad run with regards to professionals not seeing her issues.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 6:32pm

Hello Majli and welcome to the board.

It sounds liek you have been through a lot, and the professionals have not helped. How can they tell a mother that she has destroyed her daughter life (and then change their minds)? That makes my blood boil!

I would be curious to know what tests they gave your DD to determine whether she has ADD or Aspergers? Sometime one can very much resemble the other. Particularly Aspergers can resemble ADD if you just look at the behaviors and not the underlying reason for the behaviours. An ADD kid may be hyperactive because of ADD, whereas an Aspergers kid can be hyperactive because of sensory issues. The result is the same, but thew cause and the treatment is very different in each case.

Also, I know that Asperger's often presents a little differently in girls. This is unfortunate, because boys outnumber girls 4:1 so most of the data on "asperger's " is data on asperger BOYS. ugh!

I am not trying to push you in one direction or the other. I think you should try and get an independent evaluation of your daughter to see what the new person says.

Also, you don't *have* to send her to a residential school. She has a right under the law to a free and appropriate public education (FAPE) in the least restrictive environment (LRE). Regardless of her diagnosis, she sounds smart and high-functioning. Perhaps she woudl do OK in a reguylar class with an aide to keep her on track? Or a day school as opposed to a residential one? Either environment would be less restrictive than the one they are pushing, which sounds *very* restrictive, and although it does sound good for AS kids, if she does have ADD, then it would probably not work for her.

So I think for you, the key is to get a definitive diagnosis.

I have to say, and this is small-minded speculation on my part: were the evaluating psychologists part of (or paid by) the school system? Because it seems kind of suspect to me, that they woudl come up with one diagnosis, the suddenly change their minds out of the blue, and suddenly have a nifty answer which includes totally taking your daughter out of their school system. I may be way off base here, but that set my alarms bells ringing.

If the school district is behind all of these diagnostic tests you have a right under the law to refuse to accept their findings and request an IEE (independent educational evaluation) paid for by the school district with an independent psychologist. We have a Special Education Plans board on iVillage where they know a lot more about this stuff than I do.

I hope this helps. Please stick around. We have a few moms of teens on the board and at least one with a teenage girl.

-Paula

-Paula


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 8:10am

Thank you for your answer. I will check out the book!


Majli

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 8:43am

Thank you for your answer!


I am in Sweden so things are a bit different here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 10:16am

Oh. Sweden... OK forget all that stuff I said about LRE and FAPE.

Obviously you need to do what you consider to be best for your situation. We will support you no matter what you choose.

Actually, in general, both ADD and AS kids like routine. However, AS kids hate change, so to try and introduce a new routine where there was not one before may be difficult for an AS kid, because it is a change.

The best way to introduce routine changes is slowly, one thing at a time, usually starting with something they will like (or including something they will like). Say you want to change lunchtime to another time; it may help to cook her very favorite things for the first week or two. One the new time and routine is established, you can go back to regular food ;).

Also I thought it was interesting that they thought she was AS because she was the same in different situations and with different people. My son is a completely different kid at home than at school. Some others here have had the same experience.

I do encourage you to read more about AS and see if it fits your DD. There is a Tony Attwood book about girls and AS which I think you may find interesting. I can't remember the name, sorry.

I HTH

-Paula


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 10:10pm
Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 11:17am
Thanks, Andrea!

-Paula


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2008
Mon, 07-28-2008 - 4:42pm
Im so sorry for your daughter and your family having to endure so much in searching out help.