New Here - Devastated/Distraught

Avatar for teerose731
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
New Here - Devastated/Distraught
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 9:50pm

I have been on iVillage for years, first on IVF then on Pregnant with Multiples (I have triplets), now I frequent the gifted child board - I have always been able to come here for support and now I really, really need it. I feel like I am going to lose it very soon.

I will try to make a long story short.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:37am


Getting the diagnosis of ASD affects different people in different ways. You are already partially prepared. You realized there was something out of whack and you contacted people who should be able to help you...that is half the battle.

Myself, I was happy to finally hear Matt's diagnosis. I knew that he had issues and that they all involved some form of autism. When the doctor gave us the diagnosis of Asperger's I was relieved. I could finally start directing my reading towards a specific topic. Knowledge is power. You, as a parent have the power to educate yourself, your family, teachers, friends...everyone your child comes in contact with.

The ASD diagnosis is a rollercoaster...anyone who tells you everything is fine, has never had a special needs child. There are setbacks, I won't lie to you. But, on the flip side..the gains that the children make and the changes you see are well worth every tantrum, sleepless night, and bump in the road. It's frustrating, maddening, saddening, to watch your child struggle, but the joy you feel when they speak in a complete sentence,tell you they love you, draw you a's takes away those negative feelings and you do see hope.

Just remember...take it one day at a time, get some support (you may already have that with the other mothers you have been in contact with), and most importantly make sure you have time for YOU (hard to do with small children). You as a parent also need down time...time for you to recharge your batteries so that you can be the best MOM you can be.
Easier said than done...but a necessity!

Good Luck..and welcome.
The ladies on this board are the best...there is a ton of support and many of them have been through it all before.


Avatar for cathby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 1:03pm

Hi Theresa,

My DS is 4.5 years and I have been where you are. It's extraordinarily painful. You are doing the right thing by getting him help early.

From what you said, yes he has some signs that concern me. But he also has some tremendous "skills": eye contact, social skills with his peers (not just his siblings), empathy, ability to read your gestures. And those questions he asked aren't just a combination of words: the "wh" questions (ie who, what, why, etc.) are higher-level speech.

Wow, and to have two same-age peer models living in your house is fabulous!

Did you see the article on sperm donors in yesterday's New York Times magazine? (It's online, I'm sure.) I learned a lot. They talked about moms like you meeting up with moms from the same donor.... One thing that jumped into my mind is that you guys should contact the sperm bank and share your stories. Just because this guy has "proven fertility" doesn't mean the moms shouldn't be aware of these issues that are popping up. As you know, it's really, really difficult.

Hang in there and let us know how all of you are doing.