New Here, son possibly has asperger's

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
New Here, son possibly has asperger's
8
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 12:05pm

Hi, I'm new to the board, found it after re-searching for info on asperger's syndrome. We started family counseling about a month ago to help our 13 yr old son fit in better in our family and society. We started noticing a difference when he was 11 but decided he was upset about moving to a new state, and the kids in the neighborhood who didn't get along with him were at fault. He always had friends prior to that, excelled in school and had a gift for writing and artwork. He was enrolled in the gifted program so we just assumed that his thinking was beyond the average kid and it was because of being gifted. About 6 months ago, he started exhibiting some seriously strange behavior and that prompted me to seek out some counseling. I didn't want to single him out, so we went as a family. Two sessions ago, the counselor suggested to dh and I that she was leaning towards a diagnosis of asperger's for our son. She asked us to go home, research it a little and let her know if we saw any similarities with our son. Maybe I was in denial, but the first time I looked it up, I thought she was crazy and just wanted to label our son so her work was done. Last week, at our session, she told us again that she really felt like he was on the higher functioning spectrum of asperger's and asked us more questions about his history. Suddenly we started recalling things that matched....simple things like him covering his ears at the movie theatre and crying and begging not to go to the fireworks show because it was too loud. How even when he had friends, they all seemed to migrate towards his brother who just wanted to play without elaborate rules and frustrations, how he doesn't have one single friend right now but desperately wants one. How he's obsessed with art, computer and writing. How he's just different from our other son and all the friends that he brings home. My husband is taking it very well and tends to look at the positive side of the differences. I however am feeling sad, embarassed and every other selfish emotion I can think of. Dh tells me I'm over-reacting and everything will be just fine. At least with a diagnosis, we can learn how to react to and help our son. I haven't told a single soul, not even other family. I just need to talk to others who can relate first I guess. Sorry this is so long.

Sylvia's Siggy

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Fri, 12-12-2008 - 3:16pm

HI, I just had to write to you because currently I am working to get myself out of denial. All I know is when I read this

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 8:12pm

Don't hide way down here in someone else's post! come on out and join the party! Pull up a chair and we'll pass the cookies and cyber-wine .

Seriously, we'd love the chance to get to know you and your story. I have ajust turned 10 yo myself and it's a challenge.

Hope you stick around.

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 11:44am
oh i'm very glad my friend sent me to ivillage (it was more for being a SM but i started to look at other posts and here i am) anyway, we're just starting this extremely long journey...i think i've been in denial for the past couple of years. my son is turning 10 and we've been at the end of our ropes with his behaviour. i just kept chalking it up to he's a boy, he'll outgrow it, we need to think of other consequences that will work. finally my SIL talked to my DH and i guess things look different now. most of the symptoms are dead on...start the waterworks...i don't want to steal your post but lets just say that i'm glad i've found some ladies to share the up and downs with...michelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2008
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 11:58am

(((hugs))) I think all those emotions u are feeling are perfectly normal and weve all felt thema t a time or another while going through this process. my daughter is just 3.5 so we still dont kno what lay ahead in the yrs to come, but one thing i thinku have going for u and ur son. is that u know he is extremly bright and no doubt will go far in life. now u can start helping the social side of things, and maybe this new move was just the thing u needed!


best of luck!!!

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Married to Chris 12/28/03

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 10:59pm
Thank you all so much. It's very comforting to hear that my emotions are okay. I went to the library today and picked up four books and so far as I read the first one, I'm realizing that I did ignore quite a few symptoms in the past. I always knew our son was different but never suspected any kind of disorder. I need a very good cry because just thinking about it makes me tear up. Luckily, we're already in counseling so I will use that time to let out my concerns, anger, sadness, and frustrations. I hate the idea of my son having a label yet at the same time, it's almost comforting to finally make sense of some of the behaviors. Sigh. Thanks again for letting me vent. You all have been so welcoming, I will hang out and learn as much as I can.

Sylvia's Siggy

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 7:49pm

Hello and welcome.

I had a very difficult time coming to terms with the concept of a special needs child. He wasn't even diagnosed then. They just knew he was special needs. Had I heard the A word at that point, I would probably have jumped off a bridge!

I got help. My job offered emergency therapy through an Employee Assistance program and even those few sessions helped me start to come to terms with the concept.

It took a few more years to *finish* coming to terms with it!

So you are not alone at all. We understand. Please hang out with us, have more of Betsy's excellent cookies, and let us get to know you better. You can chime in on any topic and as as many questions as you need.

-Paula


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 5:16pm

I just want to welcome you and second all that Andrea said.

It's really hard to hear the words associated with your child, even when you're ready for it. Having a child that's different and that you've been sure is gifted beyond everyone's understanding and then to have someone pull the rug out from under you and say it's 'autism or asperger's' makes what you thought was gifted into something that seems less grand and even like a deficit.

Your husband has a great attitude. But your feelings are normal and natural. We all grieve when we hear the news. I also still go through cycles of grief. Most of the time now (we got the Dx more than 4 years ago) I'm ok with my son's autism. He's still the gifted child but he's also got delays in social communications and emotional expression and language. At least we have a name for it, we have proven methods of treatment and lots of support at school and in the community.

pull up a chair, grab your favorite beverage and we'll pass the cyber treats-- here's a plate of fresh from the oven chocolate chip cookies. I'm glad you're here.

Betsy -- mom to 5 kiddos

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 1:00pm

Welcome to the board. I'm glad you found us.

The initial diagnosis is always hard and involves a lot of grief, worries, and questions. Be kind to yourself and give it time. What you are feeling is normal and not selfish. We've all been there. I periodically find myself refacing the grief and it always is hard. It comes in waves and we're three years into our dx. Welcome to a club that no one wants to join.

The important thing to remember is that your boy is still the same kid that you've loved all these years and all that's changed is that you have some new information that might help you help himself. This board can be part of this process. If you have specific questions, or just some concerns, or even if you just need to vent - the board is here. It's a great group of ladies and we can listen and help you find the info you need or just cheer from the side lines.

I'm so glad you found us. And I hope to get to know you better as the days go by.

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson