New here..long

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
New here..long
7
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:28pm

Hi everyone Im Shana. I have 4 kids Star is 11 she has PTSD and anxiety, Nicholas is 10 he has ADHD, ODD, Aspergers, Mood disorder, speech issues and Sensory issues, Jaden is 5 she has ADHD with a touch of ODD and speech issues and Joey is 4 and has ADHD and speech issues. Im starting to think that the 2 little ones have Aspergers also (but I dont know if they are just acting like this because they see their older brother doing it or if they have their own issues).

Nicholas is on depakote 750 at night, seroquel 25 at night and tenex 1 mg in the morning and at noon. We have tried the stimulant meds on him for the adhd and he didnt react well to them (this was before all the other meds started and before he got the mood disorder dx).

He is very moody at a moments notice he can just go into a rage throwing things beating on his younger brother and sister, he doesnt do what hes told, he argues with everything that we tell him doesnt matter what it is, he doesnt really have any friends, he does poorly in school (he is on an IEP for reading and math), he wants to be in control all the the time. He doesnt think before he talks just blurts stuff out, he does the hand flapping, he still sucks his thumb.

Nothing we have done helps with the behaviors we have tried time outs spanking (before we knew of all of his issues), grounding, we have rewarded good behavior, have charged for misbehaving, taking things away and he just doesnt care and he will tell you he doesnt care.

He goes to a psyc dr that does the meds, we have a therapist that goes to the school twice a week, he also sees her once a week in her office, hes in OT, we go to another therapist once a week to try to help with the behaviors.

We have been to other drs and they told me it was just a bad gene pool, to isolate him away from everyone not to talk to him or anything just act like hes not there and to keep a 20 foot "bubble" around him at all times (didnt go back to him), been told to use a cattle prod on him (again didnt go back there), been told they just dont know what to do to help from the drs and therapist.

He gets bullied and picked on at school. We live in a small town in the middle of no where, to get to the either of the closest bigger towns (Omaha NE and Sioux City IA) I have to drive about an hour and half 1 way (which I do weekly for OT and one of the therapist)I just dont know what to do with him or what to do to help him. No body seems to be able to help or give me answers. At least once a week I end up at school for his behavior, I now have to drive him to and from school because of the issues on the bus.

Jaden is on adderall which does seem to be helping with the ADHD, she still has issues with ODD but not bad as Nicholas, the therapist that goes to the school to see Nicholas sees Jaden once a week. We have an appointment to get her checked for sensory which I think she has issues with and then will start OT for her. She gets speech at school and gets extra help at school (they did her eval for her IEP before meds were started) the teachers dont think that shes needs the extra help they say shes smarted then alot of the kids in the class already.

Joey is on tenex which doesnt do anything for him (we go back to the dr next week). He gets speech at school and is having a eval for sensory next week also. He is in preschool 2 days a week.

Star is just a normal 11 yr old she is moody and has an attitude and gets mouthy at times.

Least to say with all the issues my kids have Im a stay at home mom or should I say a never at home mom (which makes money really tight adding to the stress). No one will babysit for Nicky because of the way he acts so I cant even get a break there. My house is chaos alot of the time. Im stressed to the max and on major over load. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Ive looked online to try to figure out something to help Nicky and I end up on over load going in circles and end up getting nothing out of it. Ive even looked at getting Nicky a service dog because I found something saying that helps. My boyfriend has taken on my kids and me, He is amazing but he just doesnt understand about Nicky and doesnt know what to do with him hell neither do I. There tends to be alot of screaming and yelling in my house which just adds to my stress level. At this point if someone told me standing on my head all day would help I would do it.




Edited 1/20/2010 4:44 pm ET by shana82
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2007
In reply to: shana82
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 2:43pm

Hi there Shana,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
In reply to: shana82
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 1:06pm

I don't have a lot of answers, but I can relate on a smaller scale. I have four children, 15yo dd with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) and mood disorder-NOS, 13yo ds NT (informally dx as ADHD hyper plus mild sensory issues), 11yo ds AS, and 6yo dd NT (probably ADHD hyper, too, plus mild sensory issues).

My 15yo dd has had most of our focus the past couple of years due to her moods and behaviors, but she's finally on meds (this year -- Abilify) and found a dosage that has enabled her to be a normal level of teen ornery rather than constant rages and impulsive poor choices. We also lucked into a new therapist whom dd is willing to listen to.

Dd still has issues we're dealing with, but she's sooooo much better balanced now that it's manageable. Before dd was on meds, there was NO positive or negative consequence that made a difference to her. She also wouldn't listen to her previous therapist (she was cooperative at appts, but as soon as we walked out the door, she'd say it was stupid and wouldn't do anything she'd agreed on at the appt).

My 11yo ds doesn't have the mood disorder that dd has, but since he's more rigid and inflexible, we still have plenty of moodiness from him when things don't go as he thinks they should. I think behavior modification efforts would benefit him greatly. Sometimes I just honestly don't have the energy, though, so I instead allow him his rigidity.

For instance, ds used to be very inflexible in his eating habits. We helped him develop a broader range of foods that he'd eat. Over the past couple of years, he's slowly narrowed the list of foods he's willing to eat again. We were so busy dealing with dd problems, that rather than dealing with ds food issues, I just allowed him to eat his preferred foods (on-and-off I've worked with him, but not regularly).

Sometimes I just send ds to his room when he's out of control. I've discussed with ds that sending him to his room is not a punishment. It's a method of calming we use with him when there's too much noise and chaos, and he's having a hard time dealing with the family 'cus his body is on chaos overload. He can go to his room where it's quiet, shut the door, and have some peace. He's permitted to release himself from his room when he feels calm. He doesn't always go happily, but once he's in his room, he's able to pull himself together.

A couple of years ago, we got our children gameboys (used). When ds is really stressed out and I can't deal with him, I send him to his room to play his gameboy. That method is a double edged sword 'cus it soothes ds when he's playing, but he also has a difficult time transitioning from game time to real life. Still, when it's needed, I'll use what tools are available to me to help me balance our home life.

It's been awhile since I read it, but I really liked the book, "The Explosive Child," by Dr Ross Greene. One of the things I liked about the book was the viewpoint that it's not that our kids desire to be bad but that things are out of control in their life, and their bad behavior is a side effect of their anxieties, unhappiness, and other imbalances in their life. The book gives ideas for trying to help figure out what's causing the distress in your child's life and how to interact with your child when their behavior is awful.

When we were first learning about developmental delays 3.5yrs ago, we heard that dogs were good for our kids. For years my kids had been asking for a dog, and I'd been saying "no." As soon as I read about dogs being good for our kids, I ran out and got our kids a dog. I'm not sorry we have the dog (she's a good dog, we love her, but the kids just aren't that involved with her -- except the 6yo who gives the dog too much love), but the dog has definitely not done for the kids what we hoped she would.

My AS kids just aren't big into empathy or responsibility, so they don't have a lot of interest in helping care for the dog, feeding her, walking her, etc. I do find that having the kids walk the dog is good for their moods, but they don't do it regularly. When my ds used to get into his moods, I used to sic the dog on him to kiss him until he giggled. Now ds pushes the dog off.

I think the dog has been good for helping ds not be afraid of animals and for the rare occasional benefit to the kids' mood, but mostly the dog has just been another responsibility for me to feed, exercise and clean up after. The dog has also been a fairly big expense. If your ds is a big animal lover, then your experience might be different.

You might look at finding some sensory outlet for your ds, such as a jogging trampoline, a giant ball to sit on, logs to walk on, heavy lifting, etc. Ask the OT for ideas on what you can do with ds at home that might help his need for regular sensory input.

We used to have a lot more yelling/screaming in our house. I've discovered that it just makes everything worse, esp since that makes the kids' anxieties skyrocket, so they get moodier. I'm not great at it, but I'm trying harder to speak in a calm voice. It keeps the kids calmer and enables us to have a better chance at positive response.

Sorry there are not great easy answers, but know that you're not alone. Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
In reply to: shana82
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 11:22am

Welcome to the board.

Wow, you have a lot on your plate. I don't have much in the way of specific advice except to say that it sounds like your son's medication is not doing a good job controlling his mood disorder. Unfortunately, the area your in does not have a lot of choices as to providers, and some of the ones you've mentioned don't sound like good choices to boot.

This is a place where you can be yourself and be understood. Many people have children with mood disorders as well as ASD, so we can provide some support about that as well. There may be a board just for people who have children with mood disorders and that might be a good resource for you as well.

Parenting isn't easy in the first place and having extra issues to deal with makes it harder. I hope you find the support you need to maintain some sanity in the midst of your challenges.

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
In reply to: shana82
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 10:33am
Welcome to the board, Shana. (HUGS)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: shana82
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 6:14pm


oh dear!

It sounds like you have been through a lot and found a few of those "professionals" who should never have gotten a license. Cattle prod?!? OMG!

I'm not sure what you can do for Nicky specifically. My kids are spectrum, but they don't have mood disorders. I can tell you some stuff that generally works with ASD kids, but you have probably tried a lot of it already. Here goes anyway:

ASD kids thrive on structure and routine. They generally like the day to be predictable (e.g. in this house we eat lunch at 12:00. Not 11:59, not 12:15) and if there are changes in the routine, they can fall apart. The way to avoid this as much as possible is to prepare for the changes. "I know we usually do x on Sundays, but next Sunday we are going to Grandma's" Or whatever.

The best way to avoid meltdowns is to not have them start: i.e. know the triggers and try to avoid them. This is not "spoiling" a special needs kid.

Pick your battles. Sometimes, if you know the word "no" is going to cause a meltdown that you don't have the energy for; it is OK to say "yes". That way, *you* retain control and *you* are still in charge.

Some people swear by the book "123 magic", which often works well for ASD kids, however as your kid also has a mood disorder, I am not sure how effective it will be. I hope others chime in on this.

I hope some of this helps. Please feel free to stick around here, post as many questions as you need, and to chime in on any topic.

(thanks for altering your post btw. It helped a lot)

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
In reply to: shana82
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 4:45pm
Thanks for the welcome! I went back and edited my post to break it up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: shana82
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 4:22pm

hello and welcome.

May I ask a favor? Could you edit your post and throw in some line breaks? I have neurological issues and I can't read a post that is all one paragraph like that. If you break it into smaller paragraphs, I will be able to read it.

Thank you.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com