prayer request

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
prayer request
24
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 4:39pm

for me. DH and I are going through a bit of a really rough patch. he is considering moving out. Can't say I didn't see it coming but I have resolved myself to go and take care of myself and be the strong woman cause I have to for the kids.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 4:45pm
whoops, this was supposed to go in off-topic. I goofed.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 6:28pm

Oh Renee,

You have all the prayers from me you want. I will certainly keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You have so much on your plate, and it seems like you always handle it so well. I personally don't know how you do it, but I really hope you and DH can find your way through this to what is best for you both and your children.

This autism stuff is really hard and it certainly takes its toll on couples. DH and I see that ourselves and have to work so hard and it is a constant struggle for us to make our marriage work, and truthfully, sometimes it doesn't anymore.

Be strong, but go ahead and cry some too.

Sending you hugs,
Katherine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:50pm

I will be thinking of you with P&PT, Renee.

Take care of yourself.

Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 10:10pm

Sending prayers and hugs your way...

Take care,

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 10:34pm
Renee,

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 11:28am

Dear Renee,

Didn't see this down here 'til right now. I am so sorry, that is very hard. Big hugs and prayers comin' to you from the Big Apple.

It is so hard being married, hard work all by itself, and we only have one child. Also, we both deal with depression, which makes being married and raising an unusual kid harder. With how hard we have to work, I can't even imagine how the 2 of you manage with 4 children and their challenges.

Therefore, as always, I am so your biggest fan. It has always sounded like you and your dh really love, like, respect and enjoy each other, so I am crossing my fingers for you both that you will find a way through this and back to each other.

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 1:12pm

Thank you all for the support. One thing I have realized in the last couple days is I have more good friends than I thought both online and in real life that were really there for me when things got tough. For that I thank all of you.

I figure I will give you all the very basics instead of letting everyone guess and think the worst. Besides, since I am further in this journey of autism than many parents here, perhaps you can learn from our mistakes.

Naturally in a family with special needs kids things have been tough for a while. In addition to special needs kids, DH and I struggled financially for years, particularly when he was getting his masters. One thing was I had to work up until Dave was born which took me away from the kids and that was something that really was very hard on me and us. Another thing, since I wanted to be stay at home and couldn't we often worked opposite shifts so reduce day care as much as possible, meaning we never saw each other. This caused strife but due to a strong faith and the fact that we were first friends we made it through. But it was not dealt with and so problems build.

DH, I believe also struggles with his own issues and that has not been discussed or dealt with. I believe he has a number of Aspie traits that make life pretty tough but he has been able to manage, but I also think he has been struggling with depression for a while because of these traits. One of the things that bothers him most is difficulty having friends even at his age. He has online friends but few real friends. Somewhere along the line he decided he couldn't talk to me anymore, the one friend he had had. He instead turned to those on the internet. We moved cross country to be closer to his home when he was really dpressed back east. I was angry about leaving my family and home but did it for him in the hopes to make things better and it didn't.

About a year ago things came to a head I guess and he also began going through a midlife crisis. Lots of stuff went on with him that I didn't know about and he grew further away and began to change alot. Over all his mood was better but still there were things I couldn't reconcile. I misinterpretted this further away and change as an affair and I confronted him 2 days ago about it. There was no affair but he wasn't sure he still wanted to be married, etc.

We have decided to see a counselor. I am going to go see my own because despite what happens I have a home, household and kids to hold together. He has been nicer to me over the past couple days.

Maybe it is a good thing, maybe it isn't. Either way life couldn't go on status quo anymore so that is where things stand as of now. The thought of being a single parent of these 4 is very scary but it isn't easy to live with someone who is depressed and difficult to communicate with either.

In DH's defense, I haven't been easy to live with either. He is a good man which is how I can trust he hasn't had an affair and think it may work. but who knows, sometimes autism as a whole is a hard thing to live with.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 1:31pm

(((((((((Renee)))))))))

I only saw this now.

You and John are in my thoughs and prayers. I am so, so sorry you are goinn through this. Please let me know if thee is anything I can do. You know where to find me.

man, this sucks.

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 1:43pm

Thanks paula.

You are sweet and I know where to find you. I will call soon.

I have truly been blessed with email, postive messages and even in town friends. Heck I have already been out to either breakfast or lunch 3 times in the past couple days if you count the lunch I am about to go to.

Heck it was our recent conversation that helped me accept that it is midlife crisis and not another. You have already helped.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 10:36am

Renee,

Are you sure we aren't married to the same man? My DH did the same exact thing about a month ago. As I have said before I am sure he is AS and suffers from depression. But he refuses to get any kind of treatment for it. He has pulled away and shares things with online friends that he doesn't with me.He too told me he didn't want to be married and added that he never wanted kids.Please don't judge him-he loves his kids, he just can't deal with them because of his own issues. He hasn't had an affair-I asked and trust him-he is a good man.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and have some faith things will get better. I so respect you and your opinion.

Liza

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