Sibling issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Sibling issues
12
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 6:32pm

Does anyone else have another child (NT or otherwise) who loves to evoke HUGE reactions from their ADHD/AS child? OMG my 4 year old daughter is constantly tormenting him because he blows up SO bad over the smallest things! I am constantly on her but GOD do I wish he could just IGNORE her or handle it in a more age appropriate manor for an 11 year old!! (I know this is not possible I JUST REALLY WISH IT WERE!!)

Thanks for letting me vent!
-Charlotte

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 9:25pm

ME...ME...ME...I have a 3yo dd that loves to evoke her 11yo AS brother!!I too wish he would react more age appropiate (I know that will never happen) or just drop it or ignore it-BUT THAT AIN'T GOIN TO HAPPEN!!!!!

All I can say is BREATHE!!!!!

Liza

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 9:52pm

Charlotte,

My kids are opposite...my NT (Tyler) is the 8yr old and my 6yr (Nathan) is autistic. Tyler tends to forget and will provoke Nathan. I don't think he does it on purpose....but he DOES know that Nathan can get upset over the most smallest of things. We have to keep reminding him to watch what he says and to THINK before he says anything, which, by the way, is not easy for an 8yr old to do!!! And we also have to remember not to remind Nathan of anything that might make him become OBSESSIVE suddenly. Like if we forget something....this can cause a huge meltdown!! Our day can be going just fine...and then without warning, Tyler will open his mouth-----and the day is shot!!!!!

And especially, when Nathan is already having a fit about something...like he can't find a "specific" toy, he'll start to get agitated and before I get a chance to diffuse the situation and/or redirect him----Tyler is right there screaming at him to calm down, it's not a big deal, we'll find it later!!!! This is NOT what Nathan wants to hear---so they end up in a screaming match!!! I end up having to calm Nathan and get him settled and THEN I have to go to his brother and REMIND him what NOT to do in these kinds of situations.

I swear....sometimes when I'm talking to Ty, it's like talking to his father!!!! UGH!!

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 10:31am

Oh, thank god I am not alone on this one! My daugher (btw she JUST turned 4) loves to get my 11 AS DS going and then look at him and say "chill out James" He turns three shades of purple and I can only say it is a small miracle that he has not throttled her yet. I have never seen anyone get so angry so fast. When he was little it was more of an emotional meltdown and although this still happens (less frequently since we started the fish oil) he is more prone to getting angry when he is frustrated now. We practice allot of breathing aroung here lol!

-Charlotte

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 5:54pm
My dd just turned 3....ds liked her until she could walk and talk---what can I say -she pushed his buttons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 6:00pm
Same exact thing here. He begged for a sister when he was little, went through every detail of her development in utero with a calender from the OB. When she was born and until she walked and talked too he was a great big brother. AND THEN....lol
-Charlotte
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 9:15pm

Ok, I am completely cracking up at this thread cause sibling issues are my life.

Charlotte, I apologize I didn't welcome you appropriately earlier. I always forget to scroll down this far. I have 4 kiddos, 2 with AS and one with ADHD. I have a 10 y.o. dd and 8 y.o. ds with ASD and a 4 (nearly 5) y.o. ds with ADHD plus a 6 y.o. dd who is NT but appears to have learning issues.

Needless to say my life is a constant mass of intervening in sibling issues. The biggest problem is the 4 y.o. ADHD one bugging the 8 y.o. ASD one (who has problems with behavioral outbursts)

Oh, oH, I hear another arguement so gotta go, just wanted to say I can relate.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 11:34am

Charlotte, I'm totally there with you!

Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 3:56pm
This just struck me funny so I thought I would share.
We were just driving home from Walmart and my 4 year daughter (nt?) got a princess cell phone. She was chatting away with some imaginary friend on the phone and James looks at her and then me and says "mom, when is she going to understand that she is talking to thin air?" I had the hardest time explaining to him that she knows that and enjoys pretending that someone is really on the phone....His response was "why?" ...."wierd" lol!
-Charlotte
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 4:30pm

I was in training yesterday on how to deal with difficult parents, ;^) , tee hee! Anyway the speaker asked the crowd of educators what they do if a parent says "My child never lies to me". I immediately blurted out "Lying is a developmental milestone, so if a child doesn't do it, after a certain age, isn't that a big red flag?" What a discussion I got going! The rest of the room just took that ball and ran with it! We talked 15 minutes about the benefits of lying! And, how pretend play, although it is different, is actually lying. Too funny!

Probably more then you wanted to know, though! Sorry...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 4:43pm

Charlotte,

welcome. I so relate. My 4yo DD (Also AS, but v mild), usually so careful and reserved; becomes a thrill seeker and takes her life in her hands when it comes to her brother.

From before she could talk she figured out what would set him off: whether it was ruffling his hair, taking one of his "Thomas" trains, his favorite piece of string or *whatever*: She would do it and then run off at high speed, laughing and squealing hysterically, with him redfaced and growling in hot pursuit. He hit her quite hard a few time, choked her, and pushed her, and she is slowly learning not to do things like that; -especially if Mom is in the bathroom!

She has improved a little with age, BTW, so maybe there is hope for us!

-paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

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