YIKES!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
YIKES!
15
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 5:59pm

Hi, I'm a single mom adopting a sibling group of four children. My middle boy has aspbergers. Some days,I feel like my to do list is: 1. Put Caden in time-out, 2. Let Caden out of time-out; 3. Put Caden in time-out, 4. Let Caden out of time-out, 5. Put Caden in time-out, and so on and so on and so on. Some days (like today) he is constantly doing things that he knows he will get in trouble for. He wants to be good, but good intentions are were it usually stops.

Any suggestions?

Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 10:20am
I'm really glad I found this message boards and your thoughts!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 10:03am

Hi Cristi,

ABA is Applied Behavioral Analysis, and you will likely have to fight your school district to get it, but it can be up to 35 or 40 hours a week of having the child work with an ABA specialist who will essentially teach them required behavior through reward system and practise, practise, practise. Often this is awarded only to very yonug children with severe autism, but that is pretty unfair, as it benefits children more highly functioning as well.

You can Google for more information. Also I would look into resources in your area, such as ABA certified people.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:21am

Betsy,

Thank you for suggestion. I've already started looking for clip art to make cue cards.
Great idea.
Cristi

Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 10:34am

the cue cards are different from discipline cards. they actually have a picture of the rule to remind him. The discipline cards that the school uses would just make Weston feel bad, like he was not doing something wrong already but he needed the reminder of which rule made sense to his situation-- we would also verbally remind him of his rules. Such as, if we were going in a store, we had a picture of folded hands-- to remind him to keep his hands to himself, he was not to touch anything. We would verbally repeat before going into a store, "we keep our hands to ourselves, we do not touch anything" or "Only Momma can touch things in stores, boys and girls keep their hands folded" or we might say "put your hands in your pockets to help you remember to not touch anything". We did verbal rules w/ all of our kids, not just Weston. Weston just needed the picture cues.

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 11:27pm
Thanks. I'm enjoying talking to other moms.
Cristi
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 11:25pm

Thanks. That's a good idea about the cue cards. His pre-k teacher would carry the discipline cards with her as a reminder for him. She could visually show him that if he didn't change his behavior, she would have to change his card to yellow.

Thanks a lot.
Cristi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 11:21pm

Thanks for all the info. What is ABA? He sees a councilor through MHMR, and he comes to his school also. He sees an OT and speech therapist during the school year through the school, and I also take him to an OT outside of school for hippo-therapy. He's on medicaide and in the past, they have said that we couldn't see a family councilor and an inividual councilor through MHMR at the same time.

I know you are right about coaching him continually. I've even thought about home schooling him to give him more of my attention, but I also feel that he needs to be around other kids to help him with the social interactions.

You have been so helpful. Thanks for letting me talk to you.
Crist

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 10:38pm

Welcome to the board.

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Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:53pm

yes! I agree w/ everything Sara said. When Weston was younger we had to give up on timeouts, they just were never effective for him and teaching him with pictures (even at age 6 when he could already read) was the best way. His rules had to be short and specific. He needed lots of reminders and we would have him repeat his rules to us when we'd go into a store and we'd carry some reminders with us (a small cue card w/ the rule/picture on it).

Wow, congratulations and well done for adopting 4 kiddos at once! You are an amazing mom!

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: justmeadopting4
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 8:30pm

Hi Cristi,

A PDD kid is not doing these things in order to be manipulative, exactly, but because their brains and their impulsivity overwhelm their thought processes. You say he knows better, but I bet he doesn't. He very, very likely doesn't think, in those minutes he is climbing bookcases or picking up glass platters at stores, that he is doing anything wrong at all or that anything he has heard you say to other children or at previous moments in time applies to NOW. See the trouble? And the next time he does tose things, again he doesn't actually KNOW he is doing anything wrong. That's why time-outs don't work. Throw in your boy's lower cognition and the situation is even tougher, although BTW ASD kids and IQ tests are notoriously unreliable together, the kids just don't test well and that number may be low for his actual intelligence...

What do you do? Draw pictures and create stories of the correct behavior you want to change and target. Hide all potential trouble, such as those games, etc., under lock and key and out of sight, child-proof the house as if for that much younger child, because you cannot hold him responsible yet for his own behavior, you are going to have to monitor him while you find ways to teach him.

Might you qualify for social services such as a behavioral counselor to come to your house and help devise a program to help him learn? Maybe through insurance even? Sounds like he could use one at school as well. What services do you have for him through the school? I would look for as much assistance as possible besides a good babysitter, people to really help train this boy. He might be a very good candidate for ABA as well.
I am thinking with 4 kids on your hands, you will need more helping hands while you get all this sorted out. I'm assuming he has been tested, what recommendations were made by the diagnostician as the best ways to work with him?

Anyways, there are definitely other moms here who will have more suggestions. Many here are also specialists. I would not take away any of his therapies and in fact, for now, taking things away will not be very helpful. Discipline will have to be in small steps, mostly proactive to avoid the behaviors and teaching in increments. The best scenario, hard to do, is to calmly correct and emotionally ignore "bad" behavior over and over -- and then lavish praise and affection on appropriate behavior. Reward systems do work, but they take practise and finding strong motivators, what the child rally wants (stars and "good job" NEVER worked for my son, no matter how many teachers wanted that to be his reward, LOL)

Sara

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