THIS IS LONG, PLEASE READ IN FULL AND HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2011
THIS IS LONG, PLEASE READ IN FULL AND HELP ME!!!!!!!!!
4
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 4:28pm

This may be a little long but i have to explain fully My husband has been taking "care" of his now 30 yr olds bro since my DH was 16, so 12 yrs now. My Dh moved out of his parents’ house at 16, took his bro and at the time girlfriend with him. His bro has lived with him ever since. HIs name is Michael. I met him 4 yrs ago and my DH told me he has a learning disability that prevents him from driving, living alone, showering daily and holding a job. My Dh just let him come and go as he please, Mike rides his bike everywhere, has his own room, his own money, his own life really. He just lives here.

 IAmPregnant Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2001
Mike feels resentful towards the people he views as parental figures. This is a difficult situation many families encounter when the "child" is in an adult body. There are group homes where he may thrive. All his actions are saying that he NEEDS his own space. In a group setting he has independence yet supervision. Often, people will not strike out and abuse peers and strangers the way they will their own family members.

Obviously, the entire situation is not healthy for him, you, your dh, nor for your children.

You do need to find what services and facilities are available in your area. Your local NAMI (www.nami.org) or a mental health / mental retardation board in your area should be able to get you steered in the right direction. Although they may say there are long waiting lists for public housing also called section 8 housing), there are often privately owned income-based housing - you just have to ask the housing authority in the city for that list.


www. It's Not Mental .com


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2011

My only problem with that is that He doesnt want to go anywhere, he wants to stay here we have tried talking to him about moving out into another house or with his mom or other friends and he freaks out, he is very high functioning, most ppl just think he talks funny and honestly im, starting to think the same i do know that when he was younger he got "daydream" seizures, at least thats what his mom called them, he wouldnt shake or anything just stare blankly. guess he used to take meds but not so long as i have known him. He is not allowed to drive even tho he bought a truck?? i dont get it he knows he cant drive and he doesnt but still owns this truck. Hy hubby drives it but rarely. I dont have too much power here, Mikes mom has put all the medical paper work mailed to her house even though she doesnt do anything with it, mike lies about his finances, he gets some kind of income i still havent figured out if its social security or supplemental security disability or state TANF, no one seems to know which is weird but he gets quite a bit and hoards it. which is starting to cause a problem because when we get state info paperwork here i fill it out for him on his assets and then find out later he has two diff bank acounts that i had no idea about. Not that i really care how much money he has which is why i dont understand the lying?And im having a really hard time with this because my MIL refuses to really do anything and talking to her about it i get really mad and have to bite my tongue i mean it is my MIL. I told my Hubby that i give up and if i have a crazy mood swing and i end up kicking him out then its on him cuz

 IAmPregnant Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2001

I don't understand how he can have enough money to buy a truck without his SSI being taken away.

It should not matter whether or not he wants to stay or not - it should matter whether or not he is allowed. And anyone who has his own excrement around and does not clean his own filth needs to be in a more suitable environment where better care can be taken care of him. Period.

If it were me, I think I'd call social services to become involved. That, or I'd leave... maybe both.


www. It's Not Mental .com


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2011

i dont understand either. Supposedly it wasn't in his name bu this friends name but he needed tabs for it so it just got put into his name so we'll see, also i dont understand why he doesn't have to get regular evaluations to see if he still qualifies my little brother got in a car accident that left some spots on his brain and he is getting ssi but has to go to the dr and a rehab facility to get and keep his money so i have no clue what is going on. I know out local goodwill takes care of his finances and send him checks, and deposits money into his account so i really dont know where exactly the money is coming from. the only paper work i have ever seen is from our local dept of social and health services for medical benefits and food stamps. Im trying to investigate what the possibilities could be so maybe i can find a program for him, we live in a very rural area and not much is available to us, the closest assisted living is 4 hrs away. I think if i figure out what program he is on then this will open up more answers, i would really like to get him diagnosed and if there is a way for me to request that i will buti first need to find out what and where he gets his income, his mom swears it used to be social security before Mikes dad passed away then its something else now either she isnt telling me or really doesnt know, ive looked up mikes ssn on the SSI website and they have no record of him or his case

 IAmPregnant Ticker