social anxiety in teen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2012
social anxiety in teen
2
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 7:52pm

After seeing a counselor for some anxiety with starthing h.s., the counselor  told me that she thinks my dd has some social anxiety, but feels as she gets older and gains more confidence, it will lessen. She doesn't feel she has to be seen, although the door is open if necessary. My dd is not an unhappy teen, but she is quite the loner. She is perfectly content spending almost every weekend and weeknight with hubby and I. Maybe 3 times a month,  she will get together with a friend, but it is almost always with our urging her to. Does anyone have issues like this? Any advice? I know she talks to friends in school, but not much out. She NEVER goes to games, out for pizza, the mall, etc.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 9:25pm

So is she about 14?  I do think it's possible that she will outgrow it.  My DS was pretty much a homebody in jr. high--I think it was the summer before 8th grade, he never called friends.  He used to say that seeing them in school was enough.  At least then his older sister was home so it's not like he was just home alone all the time, plus he spent time w/ his dad, his grandma, etc.  Maybe around 8th grade, he started doing things w/ friends outside of school.  He is not the social butterfly type that my DD was--she was always doing things w/ a whole group of kids and could never stand to be alone.  Now he has a few friends that he does things with (things are a little more complicated since he is gay so he hangs out mostly w/ girls).  I think that if your DD has a couple of friends that's good enough.  My son was always anxious about trying new things, going to a different school, etc.  One thing that I think made him more confident was working, which of course you can't do around here until age 16.  IF there is a particular thing that she's interested in, maybe she could join a club.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 11:20pm

She is 15 and in 9th grade right now.  I hope it is something she gets better with.  I know she is not into the things a lot of the other kids her age are right now...ex: smoking, drinking, dating, probably sex, etc.... Im grateful for that.  However, if she is not hanging out because she is anxious, that is a totally different thing.  I know she hates lunch at school (it is CRAZY in her school-lots of gang activity and fights).  She also hates the bus ride because of drug activity and lots of rowdy kids.  I really am hoping it's just because of the bad school she's in (temporarily).  She just left the "popular crowd" a few years ago because she didn't agree with how they teased everyone.  Ever since then, she never quite found her niche, and it seems like she spends more and more time home.  I know she has some friends that are still good kids, but she doesn't even seem interested in hanging out with them unless we almost force her (and even then it doesn't work).