Unnamed Child

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Unnamed Child
14
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 1:23am

I need some suggestions on where to seek help and whether this situation seems as odd and abusive to others as it does to me.



I know this wonderful 8-year old boy that attends school with my daughter.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
In reply to:
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 12:11pm

Wow. Being on these boards for over a decade, I sometimes think I've heard it all... yet there is always something new.

I was desperate to have my younger daughter have a name before we left the hospital. We could not agree. I finally gave in to I name I really did not like just so she'd have a name on the birth certificate before we left.

So... I understand how the parents could have a dilemma about the name... but oh - come on now! YEARS?????!!!!???

And that term of affection - maybe OK for a toddler, but NOT OK for a child!

How in the world did they even let him enroll in school without a name?

I'd suggest to the boy to come up with his OWN name. Let HIM tell people what to call himself.

I go by a name not on my birth certificate (ie a nickname). My younger daughter has essentially changed her name twice. At five she decided on a different name, and then a few years later she went by yet another name - all based on her given name, but she tailored it to her liking. Like Gerald Franklin Smith maybe deciding on Gerry or Frank or Gerklin or whatever. The point is that the child themself can decide on what he prefers to be called. My daughter simply introduced herself as "so and so." and asked the family to call her that.

In answer to your original question, since you know the child this well, first suggest to him that he come up with a name for himself. You can get him a book of names with their meanings.
Ask HIM what he would like you to call him, and call him what HE wants.

Talk to his parents yourself if that does not work.

You could voice your concern about his emotional state to his school counselor.

As a very very last resort, there is always child protective services.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
In reply to:
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 9:58am
I am really surprised the school hasn't reported this to the county or the state. I would certainly think that the school counselor should be evaluating the impact of not having a name. There are regulations regarding this. A person's identity is based on their name - which at this point is small guy. That certainly seems like it would be bad for his self-esteem.
Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
In reply to:
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 10:05am

Not to sound overboard, but I would report them to CPS. The refusal to name him is cruel enough, but chances are, there is a lot more going on with the parents, stability in the home, mental illness, and abuse.

Additionally, ask the child what name he likes. If he has none, pick one for him. Start calling him by it and tell everyone else to and tell him to tell everyone to call him that. Hopefully, his parents will knock this off and go with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
In reply to:
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 10:27am

> The refusal to name him is cruel enough, but chances are, there is a lot more going on ... stability ...





I had not thought about that, but good point.





Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
In reply to:
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 10:49am
And the other thing is, even if the name thing is the ONLY thing going on, a visit from CPS could serve as a nice little wake up call that it is time to get moving and do something about the name. Hopefully.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2010
In reply to:
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 10:22pm
I say let him name himself if they can't do it as long as he knows he can't pick something silly. I can't believe they would let their son go without a name for so long. I already know what I will name mine and they are not born yet!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to:
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 10:57am

I thought I had heard it all until

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to:
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 10:58am

I wholeheartedly agree

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to:
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 1:04pm

It may be harder than you think for this child to name himself. Remember he is a product of his environment. He has been raised by wishy-washy parents. He may have just as much trouble trying to decide on a name. Which could become stressful for a child his age. His parents do need a wake-up call!



Also, since the parent have called him "Small Guy", that may be very well what they have enrolled him as in school, and this most likely is the "temporary" name on his birth certificate. Unless you have seen his BC, you may never know, but their has to be a name on it. They couldn't enroll the child without it or apply for his SS card without a name. Their are plenty of strange names for children out there and leave you wondering "what the heck are those parents thinking?" I have yet to see CPS step in when a child has been given a strange name.



Perhaps advising the parents, or other family member

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to:
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 8:11pm

I cannot imagine , after eight years, parents not being able to select a name.

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