Questions and Stares

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Questions and Stares
Fri, 07-27-2012 - 3:14pm

How do you handle the inevitable questions and stares that you get from strangers?  Do you acknowledge them, or is it easier to just ignore it and move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 12:40pm

To be honest when he was a baby and it was glarying obvious, we didn't come accross much negativity. There was an incident at a mall, my mom had him and this girl approached her and said "you know you they can do surgery now a days to fix it" Caught my mom WAY off guard but she noticed in how the girl talked she may have had her own issues so she politely responded oh we know and he has already had one. Picked him up and walked away. Now she could have been sarcastic or rude but even if there wasn't something not so right with the girl what does that accomplish???

I remember the haberman brought more attention then the cleft. One dad at a craft fair seemed rather deflated when we pointed out its a special medical feeder. He thought he had spyed the next in baby product that none of his parent friend had seen. Sorry pal, my kid can't suck. Yup I'm the only one of my mommy friends around here to have it but I'd gladly take you run of the mill bottle over mine that cost 5times more and that I need to squeeze for him. But we kind of nonchalntly mention of its a medical feeder he has a cleft; think his wife panicked they insulted us so immediatly chimes in "of we didn't notice"

Thats was the response we got a LOT. At the time it helped us, looking back I'm think REALLY you didn't notice that glaring hole in his lip?!?!?! but it did at the time and even now restore my views on most of the public. Also most of the comments we got when he was younger were from BTDT, eitehr they had a cleft or someone in their family and they'd notice something and ask and they follow up with the reason I ask and to offer reassurance.

Recently I was offended by a coworkers remark for my posting Liam's newborn picture on my FB page on his birthday. "oh some day he will be embarassed" They don't get it. My goal is for him to always knows he was perfect to us. When it comes to school I do let him lead. He is going into the 4th grade and kids can be cruel. He has some "noticable" remains of the cleft and kids have pointed them out. Its hard I explain he only has to answer their questions once. if its the same kids, thats bullying and if he doesn't want to tell teacher PLEASE tell me. We can't address what we don't know is going on. I've had the conversation with his team at school and they all are outraged and would address it ASAP if they only knew. Thats my new challenge with him. He is ok with how he looks but bothered by others and its a small few. Its hard he tries to ignore but when it comes up over and over its annoying and if I can't get him to speak up. He does have a friend who's brother had one and he will chime in which is nice but then I worry he will rely on others. The other thing is its only in school, in camp he never has an issue, in sports he never has an issue so its specific trouble makers and I try to point out too they pick on your cleft because they have their own issues.