abuse and other issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
abuse and other issue
6
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 9:46pm

My family has taken in a young man who has some significant issues - including delevlopmental delays, epilepsy, CP and on top of all these challenges he lived the first sixteen years with a crazy(literally) neglectful grandmother and for the past two years with a controling mother and new stepfather.


He lives very fearful - he has only been here a week and is progressing but some of the crap is just so deep. How should my family of I approach some of the things. He is a bright young man but he has his mind filled with fearful thoughts and always worries about doing everything "right". To explain some of the things - because he was overweight when he lived with the grandmother the family locked the food up - he was the only one without a key - everyone including 14 year old sister and 7 year old brother had access to the food except him. I also had him in my math class last year in school so I know a bit more about him than if he came just last week. He was the only one who could not use the famly Wii - he was always on restriction from tv, video games and did not go with the family to events.


I am in a bit of a quandry really because I majored in psychology and I know how I would handle it with individuals with average abilities. The trouble is coming because I really think for him these issues are better handled by a counselor not me. He has extreme shame when it comes to food - I will be cooking and he won't come and directly look at it he will pretend to be looking somewhere else to sneak a peek. He eats anything - last year at school it was a joke for

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 10:32pm
I've never dealt with anything like this. Sounds like you have your hands full. I think I would want him to get some counseling to help him start to deal with it and learn to live normally. He's been treated badly for years, its going to take a lot of time and hard work to break free from that. Its so sad. It seems to me that professional help is in order. Good luck. kari



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 12:26am
Thanks - I know he needs counseling and I am working on getting that lined up for him.

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....

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Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 9:26am

Hi - You say you've taken him in, but how?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2005
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 11:13am

Wow, I have no idea about all the other stuff, except it sounds like counseling is in order which you're already working on.


As far as epilepsy, and dd, I can answer questions about that, if I know what you're wondering about. Are his seizures under control with medication? As far as dd, I guess overall I would just say not to underestimate his ability to learn. It just may just take more time, and spelling out things step by step, and walking him through those steps. My dd does not readily learn things by just watching others, like most typical kids do. But she does learn. But it sounds like you're a teacher, and had him in your class, so you probably know that.


That's wonderful that you are in the position to help him. Good luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 11:45am
He is an adult (18) who is his own guardian at this point and in the care of the state because he was removed from his home. He was seeing a counselor when he was with his family but the last visit was April and I am not sure the visits would be covered because he would have to go through intake again. I think the real benefit of him going to the counselor he had is the counselor knew the mom and the family too. Thanks

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....


Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 12:02pm

His epilepsy is controlled by meds - apparently he has not had a seizure in over a year.


I think I am more worried that I am over estimating his abilities - not because he can or cannot do things but because he has not learned or done things many of us take for granted. He was not allowed to use the phone or even answer the phone for example. I plan to work on this with him but I do not want to overwhelm him. I will be conscious of covering the steps with him better.


The other piece that occurs to me is he has so much on his mind - because I think he works very hard in his mind to forget the bad things that have happened. I hope he can get beyond the crap he was dealt so he has room to thrive - because I actually think he could. When he was given a test earlier this year the teacher brought him past the sheer computation part and he was acing the college level math section. He has a good mind I just don't want to push too much right now - even though there are many things I want to shift for him :)


Thanks for the support!

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....


Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom