teen son-need answers!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
teen son-need answers!!!
14
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 12:54am
If anyone has a child with similar problems please let me know. Ok, first we started noticing when our son was around 3 that he wouldn't stay with anyone except my mom and only if she came to pick him up (we couldn't drop him off at her house). Then when he got off his bottle he completely stopped drinking milk. He loved it up until then. When we tried potty training he would scream when we stood him at the toilet. I mean scream! He was about 4 1/2 when we finally potty trained him. He didn't speak clearly even at 5yrs. old, it was just gibberish. He would keep repeating phrases until I would repeat them. Then, Oh Goodness, school was just awful. He cried every day and I would come home and cry after dropping him off because it broke my heart. By second grade we finally put him on medication for separation anxiety which helped some but he still had a hard time being separated from us. He has not spent the night away from us since he was maybe 6yrs. old. Never! He's never spent the night with his friend. He only has one friend and it's with the same boy that he's known since he was 4. I can't even include everything else that just doesn't make sense. Jump to now, he's 16yrs. old and we're going through such a rough time. We could not ask for a more loving son. He's so afraid somethings going to happen to me or his dad. He's so terrified. I even work at his school (a small Christian school) and he still has a hard time going. He'll get physically ill and that's with being on medication. Lately the fears and anxiety is getting worse. Also, we really can't always have a normal conversation. He looks normal but when he talks it's like something just isn't right. We used to think maybe it was just immaturity but now I know it has to be more but the doctors we've seen just haven't helped much. He will say completely random things that have nothing to do with what we're trying to talk about. He loves to watch shows over and over that he likes or repeatedly tell about different scenes from shows or movies that he's seen. He's just not a normal 16 year old. I'm just wondering if anyone out there can relate or have any advice? Thanks for reading my message!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 8:47am

I would truly look into other doctors, maybe a Psychiatrist and/or a neurologist. It sounds like he shows some signs of Asperger's, and definitely anxiety, and a pediatrician isn't qualified to diagnose that (apparently, they are rather notorious for somewhat blowing it off).

The thing is, you know your son. You know if something is not right, so don't let anyone make you feel like you are overreacting. These behaviors are having an effect on his, and your, quality of life, and that should not be ignored.

I'm new to this board, but the people here seem very supportive.

Above all, don't give up until someone will listen to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2001
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 10:50am

I have to agree, the first thing I thought of when I read your post was Asperger's or High Functioning Autism, I would start my research there (please know that none of us on this board can say for sure, a diagnosis will require testing done by a qualified medical provider). I would take him to either a psychiatrist, or a neuro who works with a lot of autism spectrum disorders (Asperger's is on the autism spectrum as well). It's probably gonna take some pushing by you at this point to figure out what's going on, so don't take the doctor's words as law, it's perfectly ok to say "No, I don't agree with you because......" As his mom, you know your son best, not any professional, so keep looking until you get the answers you need. Hope some of this helps.

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VJ-Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2005
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 7:38pm

Welcome. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. We see a developmental pediatrician and psychologist combo that work out of the same office. I would try to find a psychologist that specializes in evaluating and diagnosing children. Hopefully a neurologist or pediatrician could recommend one for you in your area.


My thought too was perhaps something on the autism spectrum, but I'm no expert. That's just what comes to mind maybe since Megan's been diagnosed with pdd. If you have a Dr who's telling you nothing's wrong, or is not helpful, find another Dr. Hopefully you can get your son the help he needs - it's got to be horrible for him to be so terrified like that, and so hard for you too.


good luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 8:24pm
Hi! I want to thank you all for your replies. It really helps to know that others are thinking the same way I am. At this point we just want a diagnosis (A correct one). We want to give him the help he so desperately needs. One of the things I forgot to include is his huge dislike of loud noises. When he was little I couldn't run the vacuum with him in the room. He hated it and still doesn't like loud noises. When I go out to start the car in the mornings he makes sure I won't start it until he's in the car, not before. Just strange things that most kids pay no attention to. Again, thank you all for offering up advice. We are going to his ped. tomorrow and I'm insisting on having testing for autism. God Bless!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 10:03pm

It could be any number of issues and it could be nothing. Does he know when he does it? Does he have control over it or does it frustrate him too?


I think you should call the school psychologist who will know more and since it is a small school if you don't have one of those call a psychologist who specializes in children.


Good Luck

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....



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Courtney

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 11:05pm
Well, I guess you could say that sometimes he realizes when he's talking about the same thing over and over and over. Mostly because his sister has told him he's running things in the ground. It's just really hard to have a normal conversation with him. If he has a favorite scene from a show, he'll tell it to you three or four times including doing the voices of the characters. If there's several of us talking about something he might come out with something totally off subject. We're used to it because we know how he is but for others not familiar then it's kind of odd. He does realize he's not just like other kids but he doesn't know how to fix it. We just need to know if it's something that we can get help for or if it's just something he'll always live with. I just worry about his future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 12:09am

The first thing that comes to mind for me, too, is Asperger's Syndrome. I actually just finished reading a book called Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison, which is a firsthand account of the author's life with Asperger's...if you like to read, you may want to pick it up! If nothing else it would help you understand things from your son's perspective (if he does have Asperger's).

I agree that you should push for an evaluation. He could probably benefit from OT so you could always start there. For the anxiety, it could help him immensely to talk with a counselor on a regular basis. When I was in elementary school, I had severe anxiety and what you said about your son makes me think of how I was. I would also become physically ill with anxiety related to school but most of all, I had a LOT of anxiety about my parents and something happening to them. It was really miserable for me to live like that. Thankfully my mom got me in to start seeing a counselor at the age of 9 and although I don't remember any of it, that therapist must have been a miracle worker because the severe anxiety went away and I started being able to function normally. I will always be more of a worrier and get nervous easily...but that's nothing compared to how I felt back then.

It is great that you want to help him and that you are coming here, looking for a place to start. Good luck and please keep us posted!

Nicole

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 12:49am
Aspergers occured to me too - but it could be a couple other possibilities too - sorry I am just reading a textbook on this so it is all fresh on my mind. It rings of OCD, Tourettes or high functioning autism too. He seems to have great presence of mind and some of these things can be missed and if the anxiety stuff has been masking some of the other things any of these things are possible. The brain is a fascinating tool!

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....


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Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 1:07am

One thing to know to is that people with Aspergers often will meet the diagnostic criteria for a variety of challenges including OCD, Tourettes, ADHD and anxiety disorders. It is extraordinarily common for these kids to have many of these fall under their expression of autism. My son (HFA kind of guy) also meets teh criteria for OCD, tourettes, and a few other lovelies but for him it is all his partcular variety of autism. I have 2 kids who are on the HFA/AS end of the autism spectrum.

It is definitely worth getting an evaluation. One of teh things that stuck out at me was your way of discribing his conversations. One of the hallmarks of autism/aspergers is difficulty with social communication. Not being able to have a real conversation or having great difficulty with that is definitely a flag to look at aspergers.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 2:50am
I remember when he was small around 3 or 4 I looked into autism but dismissed it because all I knew about it was the severe kind. Now I know it can have so many different aspects and so from all the online research I've done it's the only thing that really fits him. His ability to have a real conversation is one of the most significant things that stands out to me. The kids at school are always saying he's so random. It actually doesn't hurt his feelings since he's heard that so much. I've just always felt like we were or he was the only one with the problems he has. He has improved over the years but he's still not where he should be. I feel like we have two different problems going on. One being the developmental problem and the other being the emotional. By the way, I too had severe anxiety growing up and would be physically ill when going to school. I thought mine was due to a difficult childhood but now with him and he's had a very stable childhood he still has the same anxiety. It makes me feel like I've passed this horrible anxiety on to him.

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