Just need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Just need to vent
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:37am

I know that I'm just overreacting but I get so frustrated with comments made by people who don't understand my DD. Because my DD's problems are not very obvious - except at home, I usually don't discuss them with anyone. But since my neighbor has started taking my DD to school every morning I had to explain that there could be days where she has problems (tactile defensive with clothes) and I might have to take her. She had a really bad day on Friday and she was crying as she went out the door to my neighbor's car. When I talked to my neighbor later she said, "Oh she's always fine once she gets in the car. I think she just has mommyitis." Aaaaghh!!! I know that doesn't seem like a big deal but those kinds of statements are why we waited for almost 6 years before getting her the help she needs. It really bugs me when people think it's just a behavioral problem, that I need to be more firm with her and then she'd be fine. They have NO IDEA what my husband and I have gone through and now the guilt we feel for being "more firm" as everyone else suggested. She is a good kid and if being "more firm" was going to fix the problem it would have years ago. She IS strong willed but overall a very obedient child. Her teachers can't say enough about what a joy she is to teach. No one but you guys seem to understand when I explain though. EVERYONE seems to think it's all behavioral not physical. This is exactly why I usually don't share her problems with anyone. And it hasn't helped that she seems to have regressed some this week - more problems than usual since we started her OT but still less than before. My husband says the neighbor didn't mean anything by it and I DO know that but sometimes it's just hard to let it go. I'm tired of my DD being misunderstood. Perhaps I should have said, "No she doesn't have mommyitis but fun things like riding to school with her friend can often distract her for a while from the pain she feels with her clothes." I didn't though, I just said NOTHING. Oh well, sorry to go on so long but I really just needed to vent. Thanks for listening gals!




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:59am

Oh Angie ((((hugs)))))))).I know this is very hard on you.Your dd sounds like a wonderful little girl.I know that it is hard for you to know what to say.But I think you made the right choice by not saying anything.Let them think what they want.Your dd is older and maybe if you said something her little freind would have picked up on that and maybe teased her later for it.I know that kids can be so mean.
Also as far as the firm hand with her that just bites me.I hate that when people thinK they should tell you stuff like that.What does she know?After the day I had a few weeks ago I have been letting it roll off me.(trying to)but I also to do the advice of some of the ladies said here and printed out a paper about Aspegers and put them into my bag.When Christopher was acting up last week and a little old lady thought she should tell me what she thought I handed her the paper and walked away.(the first time I did that)She must of ran around the store to find me because she told me that she was sorry and would never mean to do or say anyhting like that if she knew and now she would keep her lips shut and again was so sorry I have to do this every time I go out.

what about doing this with the lady?You can print off a paper about you dd and give it to her.Ask her to read it and that if she has any questions please ask you.Maybe that would help out some.
Also please please dont feel guilty about when you got your dd help.You are geting it for her now and thats all that matters.You are a great mommy aND DONT FORGET THAT.tAMMY

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 12:15pm
Angie, I can relate so well to your post. I know how hard it is. We waited a long time to get help for Marissa too, for a lot of the same reasons. And I know you know that she didn't mean to hurt you with her comment, but I would be hurt too. As for not mentioning things to others, I started mentioning the issues to others and I usually get a blank stare. I think my neighbor thought we are nuts for thinking Marissa has these issues (ours are more on the ADHD end). I think she see it now, but that is only because she is her Daisy leader. Whenever I say she is borderline ADHD to someone in the neighborhood I get a blank stare. Like I am crazy. But Marissa is fine with friends, she is extremely social. Just wanted you to know how much I can relate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 2:21pm

Angie, it's hard..

I understand..

I can't say that I've been the most polite when people offer unsolicited advice--yet usually it's family & they now know better.......

and that blank stare Michele mentioned?

We sooooo get that here too -- I couldn't believe it when I met up with two old friends this past week & I wanted to just cry when after I had told them what Maddy has, one said, "my son has that!!" and the other, "my dd has Asperger's".... OMG, I wanted to shout with joy FINALLY!!!!!!!

Surround yourself with positive people Angie & don't stop looking until you find them..

you've done everything right & don't let your neighbor's ignorance get you down, ok? (& ignorance meaning her just not knowing any better, I'm not saying that she's dumb at all!)

We're with you!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 2:30pm

Angie, I can relate like Michele too. People tell me he's just a "BOY" and I need to deal with him with a firmer hand.(by hand they mean it literally) I also have an older son who doesn't act like him. Who consequently is a BOY too.;) I think people who find it easy to judge others, should be careful or they might be forced to walk in similar shoes! GL to you and you know that you are doing whats best for your Dd.

Tammy, How great for you to educate that lady on unsolicited advice. Whats even more impressive is she will always remember that. GO TAMMY!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 7:17pm

Thanks, ladies, I knew it would help to let out my frustrations here. If I'm really honest part of my frustrations are because I don't completely understand what is going on with my DD myself so I think, "How can I expect anyone else to understand." Oh I understand the concept, I understand what I've read and what the OT tells me but I wish for 5 minutes I could feel what she's feeling so I could really KNOW. Anyway, ladies thanks for the words of support and encouragement - that's exactly why I keep coming back here!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 7:27pm

You know Angie, vent ALL you want.