Playing with others...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Playing with others...
8
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 5:33pm
PJ has just started to get REALLY aggressive towards other kids while playing at home. I know all toddlers go through this stage, but to what point does it go beyond "normal"? And how do I handle it? His usual friend was over yesterday and he would hit, kick, push, and throw things at him the ENTIRE time! He was very greedy with toys and wouldn't share (which he had never been before)! When I would tell him no or try to put him in time out he would smile as if it were nothing! I would tell him to say sorry and he would say no (he usually says it right away)! I am worried this will lead to many new things, besides my own embarrassment. I know he is still adjusting to a new baby in the house... but he is different with the baby! He will give his "blankie" to the baby. He tries to give the baby toys to play with. Any ideas on disciplining for this or how to handle it? Do I isolate him from other children for awhile?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 7:24pm

Oh, you poor thing!! I can totally relate! It is to where I don't visit friends who have little ones anymore, b/c I'm afraid to turn my back and not keep an eye on him. I don't know what to tell you. I could use some advice as well. I'm a referee all day long with Gabriel and my daughter. She can barely play with anything without her brother trying to take it. He is pretty good at school. He has had two moments in the past year where he showed signs of aggressive behavior. Sometimes I feel like he is trying to get a reaction out of me - who knows. The aggressiveness has gotten a little better - there are good and bad days. How old is your little guy? If he is under three - it is probably typical behavior (at least the not wanting to share and taking toys). Gabriel will be four in Feb. Hopefully it won't last. Just remember your not alone! It is embaressing, isn't it?!

Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 7:46pm
PJ is almost 2.5 and I hope it doesn't last long. I wish I could find a local playgroup for SI kids LOL! I would feel more comfortable that's for sure. I know how you feel and I think I will stay home for at least the next year hehe! My son does well in school too, and I wonder why that is. I read once that their comfort zone is within their own home so I just dunno. Maybe we make them too comfy? LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 8:06pm

I haven't had much of a problem with agressive bahevior, BUT sometimes we get that greedy monster popping up at our house. Especially with Michael (and especially after he's played with kids who don't like to share.)

My thoughts really quick on PJs agression were that since the baby is so new, I wonder if it is a reaction to the new baby? Kids usually regress when they get a new sibling, in at least one area. Potty training, sleep, and I bet sharing and "playing nice" could definately be affected. KWIM?

But with that being said, I am sure what you're more worried about is what to do about it. I wouldn't reccomend isolating him from all kids. How will he learn how to act around other kids (and how will he learn how to act like other kids) if he doesn't get to be around them? Still, I would plan short play dates with familiar kids, at this point. Keep them short, and you will have to be really involved. (I know that is SO hard with a new baby.) When Michael gets selfish, I try and plan activities where each can play with something that is the same but with a lot of fun involved. Usually I do play doh and a set of cookie cutters for each kid, but the SAME shapes for each (and only like 2 per kid.) Then we switch to playing on the swings, or hide and seek, or something like that. Or playing a simple board game with pieces that look very similar. Or putting boats in the tub (when it is warm, because they get wet) that are similar. You get my drift, though. Something super fun, but with minimal things to fight over. More action oriented. This gets the kids playing and remembering how fun it is to play together, nicely. It helps Michael remember that playing with friends is nicer than playing alone, even if he has all the toys, and it helps the friend remember that Michael is a fun guy (and that Michael's house is cool.) It is a win-win. And it helps Michael have experiences where I can reinforce the positive behavior he exhibits and he can see how to play with peers. Does that make sense?

I am not saying to minimize his agressive behaviors. I don't let my kids behave agressively. And I applaude you for being concerned about your son's behavior. I know too many moms who try and explain it away, but who don't do anything about it. PJ is lucky to have you. It will save him a lot of heartache since you're addressing this issue now. Praise his good behaviors to the hilt. Let him know how proud you are of his behavior with the baby. Keep a close reign on him when friends are over (maybe even get the friend's mom to come over and help keep things under control at first?) and when things are going well, praise, praise, praise! But if agressive behaviors pop up, you might have to cut the playdate short. But, don't stop them altogether. He needs to know that it is desireable to play with other kids. My boys with sensory issues easily forget that they need other people.

Oh, this is so long. I am so sorry. It is complex to explain, but I think that you do need to keep playing with kids, but make the situation less tempting to hit and take toys. Good luck. I know it is so hard. You're doing a great job. PJ will turn out wonderfully.

Rachel

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Registered: 09-11-2004
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 7:24pm

We are having the same problem....my youngest is very agressive towards everyone and she is not even 13 months yet. My oldest absolutely hates being crowded and must have her space....we are looking into moving because of this issue...and we plan to have two seperate play areas so that Ali can have her space. She just competely loses it when we even put her sister in the same area. Not sure if it is all a sensory thing or also a fear since she is so agressive.


I'm definitely getting tired though!



I'm Chelsae



Feel free to email me with any questions you may have: Mommy_To_Ali@Yahoo.com


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 8:28pm

Well I hope someone has some great advice because we are just heading into this too....UGH!

               

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 7:32am
Exactly Rachel! PJ did that to a little boy last week, threw something at his face! I felt HORRIBLE! PJ doesn't seem to understand anything at all! He laughs about things like that. He also doesn't seem to understand emotion, what's with that? If he sees someone cry he will smile and laugh! He thinks everything that falls, gets hurt, etc is a boo-boo. I guess that isn't too bad! He will make more of a fuss out of getting frustrated than something seriously hurting him! That scares me sometimes! Sometimes I am thankful I didn't have children before him so I don't notice any difference. But then again he sure is a whiner of a "big brother" LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 2:52pm

Oh Rachel! You poor thing!!!! I was thinking back to when Gabriel was two and I think that was his worsed year w/aggression. I remember at my nieces baptism everyone was trying to kiss him and he kept head butting them. It was awful (and I was mortified). Now looking back we know he has "spacial issues". I remember wanting to yell at them all to stop kissing him (of course I couldn't).

Do your kids have "spacial issues"? Gabriel's aggression has gotten a lot better. It is now mainly him being pushy with his sister. WE can now play at the McDonalds play area w/o him pushing kids or getting overwhelmed - I still feel like I have to keep a close eye on him. But, he still gets a little agitated sometimes if someone is playing a little to close. I still dread going to b-day parties when there are to many people and not a lot of room...he gets over excited. People take it for granted when they don't have to worry about noise, crowds, smells etc w/their little ones. Anyway, it does get a LITTLE easier the older they get.

Yeah- lets start a SID play group!! lol

Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 1:12pm

I think for Olivia it is not spacial but rather she doesn't exactly know how to communicate with other children.