Please help! Need advice.

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Registered: 04-03-2003
Please help! Need advice.
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 2:08pm

My DS is a 6 year-old kindergartener in a public school. He has an IEP for a speech delay and sees speech pathologist once a week at school. He also goes to OT outside once a week help with his mild regulatory issue. He is impulsive and likes to touch others.

Yesterday, we received an email from his teacher about behavior during recess time. It must be noted that his teacher is not present at recess time, and that there is a separate recess teacher. In her e-mail, she said two girls wrote her letters about what DS is doing that bothers them. She was told DS had been spiting on them at recess and pushing them down. One of the students also wrote a letter to DS asking him to please stop.
Twenty minutes later, she sent another email to us. She said she spoke to DS, and DS told her the spitting was an accident. She explained to him that he may be talking too close with friends and he should try to stand further back. She asked DS if he had been pushing and DS said he was not. She spoke to the other student that accused him of spitting and she apologized to him for saying that because it was not true.

Then a third email from her saying, she spoke with one of the recess teachers. She did say DS has been having problems spitting on other children and playing very rough. We are unsure whether the recess teacher witnessed this behavior or was just repeating what the girls had told her. DS’s teacher thinks he is just playing but needs to know that he is being too rough and this behavior is unsafe. She said they are working on this during recess and have given him many reminders.

We wrote back to the teacher with our concerns. We asked if any teacher witnessed the behavior firsthand. This information is important because some children take advantage of DS’s language deficits during unstructured play. We have seen this firsthand on many occasions. The problem is that DS cannot easily come up with the words to defend himself verbally and he will sometimes just stand there mute while the other child is bombarding the adult with words. We did give him a general reminder about rough play, however, as he does like rough play. I have seen during rough play, when other boys push him, punch him, he is not bothered; but when he does the same thing back, the other boy immediately accuses him of pushing.

When he came home yesterday, I saw the letter to him from the girl who admitted she wrongly accused my DS. When I read it. DS asked to throw it away. I’m confused. Since the teacher knew what the girl said was not true. Why did she still send the letter home.
We’re going to have parent-teacher conference on Monday morning. How should we approach this issue? I can see there are times when DS is at fault. But I believe there are times when DS is being wrongly accused by other kids. I don’t want to take an adversarial tone with the teacher. I just want to make sure we get the information. We also don’t want our DS to be taken advantage of.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. And any advice on how to help DS? Thanks!