"stop hurting me!!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-1999
"stop hurting me!!"
5
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 8:25pm

i'll deal w/the other behaviors in time, i just want him to stop hurting me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 9:43am

I have to agree 100% with atomic_girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 10:30am

I don't know your son's history or anything. I just stopped in to lurk because I really needed to read some stuff from parents that had a similar life perspective to mine. I'm feeling a little like I'm floundering around in an NT world after a day at the community pool. However, I did want to comment a little on your post, because I had a similar discussion with my daughter's OT/SP team last fall.

My nearly 6 year old daughter has problems with sensory integration and language processing (pragmatic language disorder) as well as some other stuff. They tell me she's not ASD, but the difference is marginal, and she did have the working dx of PDD-NOS for a year before getting reclassified as other developmentally delayed (mainly because she wants to socialize and makes good eye contact). So, I've dealt with a little of what you're going through in the last few years.

In any case, my daughter has been known to hurt me and others, and can be really hard to get through to at those times when all you want in the world is for this-particular-behavior to stop NOW. One of the things that the wonderful OT she works with helped me understand is to consider how her brain is likely to be firing in any of these situations. For instance, your son could easily interpret even light touch as being painful and aggressive. He may be responding to you "in kind". You touch, grab, restrain, whatever to get his attention and make him understand he has to take this moment seriously. He may very well think that hitting is doing the same thing. KWIM?
Also, the act of hitting something gives him a jolt of proprioceptive input that feels good to him. So, to get him to stop you have to change the input and help him find appropriate output. I don't think there's a good quick fix for it, because it's more complex than the "Stop whining or no treats" sort of consequence path you set up with NT kids.

If you haven't already, you want to get with his therapist and work out a sensory diet (brushing, heavy work, whatever works for him) to help him organize his sensory system. This will help with the miscues and will help you and he find ways to calm him down so he can listen to you. And then you want to think about how you approach him. If he's going to freak when you grab him, work with him to figure out ways to avoid that. Always strive for effective communication and that's generally the mode that results in the fewest screaming fits that you can't put an end to quickly. It does all improve with age to some extent. In my case that's because my daughter has more words, and thanks to therapy, a better understanding of what she needs at any given time. Right now, for example, they are making a book in therapy about ways to calm down. They have a page for listening to music, a page for her weighted vest, a page for bouncing on her mini tramp, a page for joint compressions and isometrics, a page for taking a bath...ect, ect,. All the things that she can do to get "her engine slower" and keep from throwing a fit (screaming, hitting, throwing things).

(((Hugs))) I can't tell you how many hours I've spent sitting on the baking blacktop in some parking lot waiting for my daughter to be calm enough to strap into the car. We live in the desert. It's hot. One time a guy walked up as my butt is burning and I'm hugging my screaming, inconsolable child trying to keep her from doing something impulsive and getting hurt, and a strange man appears to question my parenting skills. "Well, I can see who runs things at your house! You young parents (I'm nearly 40 btw) have no idea what you're doing to this generation." I had to stop myself from spitting on his shoes.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 9:03pm
When my son went through a high pitch raise-the-hairs-on-your-neck squealing phase, a wonderful therapist told us to modify his behavior. I know it's different, but still an undesirable behavior that needed to change. In our case, Nathan's language was
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 5:09pm
I'll add my ditto. Wish I could be helpful but I can't so I'll send a hug instead
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 11:17pm
I'm sorry u r dealing with this. It will get better as he gets older, I know that doesnb't help now and I wish I had something better to say :(
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