i don't understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
i don't understand
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 1:55am
I think i am going to scream. How can a 2 yo be this way? SS is totally out of control. DH is not home since he is having to work all night(we are military). SS has gone completly nuts and he only acts out toward me and according to his therapist it is to be expected from a child with RAD, FAS, and HFA. He decided that he didn't have to do anything and everything that i asked him to do was met with a meltdown. You would think that i was killing the kid. He tried to drown my cat in the toliet, i caught him getting into the fridge trying to eat through the plastic to get to some hot dogs. He constantly tries to run away to the point that we have had to install alarms on our doors. It is 1am and he has finally passed out after screaming and destroying everything because he didn't want to go to bed. He has completley trashed my house. I don't understand how a 2 year old can be this way. His BM doesn't come around much and when she does his behaviors get worse. The last time she came around he broke 2 windows with his head and tried to stab DH with a knife that for the life of me i still can't figute out how he got it considering everything is locked up. What i really don't understand is although ss does these things i still love him enough to fight for him and adopt him. Sometimes i don't understand that. Is there anything that i can do to stop this behaviors. His therapist is difficult to get a hold of and we don't see her again until next tuesday. I desperatley need some help. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with him. Any advice would be EXTREMELY appreciated. I'm desperate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 7:15am

(((Kathy)))) I hope you were able to get some sleep last night.



Avatar for mt_happydaze
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 8:38am

Kathy, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this and also sorry for your SS. You are taking on so much with this child--you deserve a lot of credit just to be willing to fight for this guy. That's what he needs even though he may act like he hates you. He is so scared.

I have done a lot of reading about RAD because my 2 adopted children have attachment issues. There is a lot of helpful info on the internet. Attachment Disorder Support Group has a message forum for parents that seems very supportive. There are parents on there with lots of experience and wisdom. Also if you go to Adoption.com, they have adoption forums that deal with special needs just like your SS's. Another site is attachment.org. I'm sure you can find many more.

Some good books are Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky, When Love is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas. Daniel Hughes has a good one, I think the title is Building the Bonds of Attachment. I've heard that Therapeutic Parenting, It's a Matter of Attitude by Deborah Hage is good and am going to order that one soon.

It sounds like you are doing the right things with him by focusing on keeping him safe. And I guess you've already figured out that he cannot ever be unsupervised! He needs you to be close and needs lots of structure.

If you can find one, an attachment therapist would be the best for him. Some of those internet sites list attachment therapists.

Traditional parenting isn't enough, so read up all you can. He needs tons of structure and firm limits along with tons of nurturing(which I know is not easy). It is great that he is so young--he has a better chance to heal. He is blessed to have you there for him(though he may not realize that for a long time) to help him have a chance at a better life.

Take great care of yourself and get breaks from him because it is easy to burn out. Take great care of yourself! Did I mention take great care of yourself?

I've only addressed the RAD, not the FAS or HFA(I don't know what that is). I wonder if he is eligible for early intervention? Seems he should be.

Wishing you the best with this little lost boy. Keep us posted on how things are going.