Not sure if this belongs here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Not sure if this belongs here...
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 1:41am
Hi everyone! Get ready for a long ramble... I found this board, and I'm not sure if this is where I belong. I'm not really sure where to start. I was wondering about how you treat your special needs child. Are they an only child, or do they have siblings? Do you treat them different from their siblings due to the fact that they are S/N? Do you expect others to treat them different too? Are their S/N obvious, not obvious, or triggered by outside stimuli?

The reason that I am asking is that I have a neighbor who truly acts like her child is S/N and than some.

I have heard the story OVER and OVER about how he was a preemie (truly not a preemie - technically born a few days early). He is not allowed to run (he might have an asthma attack). I asked if he had been dx with Asthma. His mother said, "No but why take any chances?" (UHH Because he needs exercise?) He is mean, and aggressive and strikes out at other children. His mother insists that he be given his way all of the time, because he's special. All children are special. I don't feel that it is necessary for my kids to have to coddle her child when they are outside playing. He can't always have his way. A big part of childhood is learning how to play fair. The mother has not come out and said that he's been dx with anything, if she did I would probably try to make concessions for him, and have my children do the same, to a point.

Now this child is very big (FAT). The mother claims that she has a Thyroid problem, and he got it from her (her own claim not a dr. DX.) She's obese. They put their trash out in and we have to walk past it to get to our car, and I don't think that we ever seen anything that looked even remotely healthy in their bin. I know that thyroid problem can cause excessive weight, but can't some of it be controlled with diet and exercise?

Is it possible for a parent to pass on a thyroid problem to a child?

Would having a thyroid problem (Is it possible for a child to have one?) be a cause for a

child to be S/N?

The only problem that I see is that the mother is a self-righteous B*TCH and her son is a BR*T. She insists on parking her car in the visitor parking right across from her house, instead of the extra residential parking down the road, because her life is SOOO TOUGH with her 2 children, and her situation - a thyroid problem, and the desire to support the hostess twinkie company. (okay so that last part was kind of mean).
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 10:20am

Both my kids have special needs, and yes I have been guilty of overprotectiveness, and still am, and I do make exceptions for some things. There are certain 'special' toys which don't have to be shared, and I will overlook a temper tantrum if I am sure it was caused by a condition, not naughtiness. However having special needs is not an excuse for being a jerk, having bad manners, or not cleaning your room.

But there are bad parents everywhere, regardless of a child's needs or not. Having a jerk for a mom may be an excuse for being a jerk (when one is young, anyway), I don't know.

I have a similar situation going on next door to my home, the boy is 'normal' yet completely mollycoddled and spoiled. He is an only child and a 'miracle' baby (his mom is late forties, his dad mid-fifties). I tried to 'help' them to see that he needed more structure and disipline. I even bought them a book on parenting. I learned however, that I cannot change their nature. They will always be poor parents and he will always be a nasty child. I can only hope that when he gets older; school, peer presure, a girlfriend or something will cause him to overcome his parenting and become a nice person.

My advice directly to you: Let it go. You can't change it. There are other things going on in your life that you could devote this time and mental energy to.

(there is a 'bad neighbors' boards BTW!)




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 11:47am
Hi Cari,

To me it sounds like you are not being mean but telling it like you see it. Some people like to be coddled even when there is nothing wrong. It sounds like they both need to come back to earth and change their diets and attitudes. Kid's who have real problems,and my grandaughter is one(autism) don't need to be treated much different than other kid's, they just need extra love and support not coddling....nannie