Sammy's mental health - very long

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Sammy's mental health - very long
9
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:10am
I'm sure I've metioned Sammy's behavior problems in previous threads. She used to be physically agressive especially to me and ydd (I swear it's a miracle ydd was never severly injured)wouldn't listen, had tantrums, head banging episodes, severe mood swings, cries easily, frustrates easily, etc. After a string of therapists, 2 hospitilizations and lot of runaround we've gotten nothing but "diagnosis of the week" and many different medications, with side effects worse than the original problems. I come from a very "prescription happy" town, especially for kids with complete coverage through medical assistance. These are the diagnoses we recieved in less than 2 yrs:

psychosis, nos

homicidal/suicidal

organic mood disorder, secondary to seizures

adhd

mood disorder, nos

OMG, there's at least 5 more and I can't remember them all. I've even had a few doctors insist on meds and refuse to give a diagnosis. And one insisted on adhd diagnosis, even when it was obvious she wasn't. IMHO, a truly adhd child will not sit for hours and hours doing a favorite activity without meds. I've even insisted on her getting counseling, as opposed to meds, but she just gets passed around to different drs. Even at the hospital, the refused to work with her, only give her meds. She was on seroquil, and the dose was so high, she couldn't even sit up for more than 5 minutes. Gee, wonder why she was moody and irritable. This has been an onging issue for 4 years. At one clinic, she had one visit with a dr, she passed her to someone else who passed her to someone else, who passed her to someone else who wouldn't even see her. I've been to every clinic my insurance will cover, and I now have the reputation of being in denial, because I pull her out when they overmedicate and refuse her help. They even make "typographical errors" in her file and refuse to fix them. For example, the hospital wrote that I didn't want her on meds and refused to bring her home. I said she couldn't be on Trileptal, because her moods were so out of control. I refused to bring her home on Trileptal. Then they discharged her because 2 acquaintances of mine entered thier kids, and it was obvious all 3 kids were good friends. When asked, I told them exactaly what I thought of the services she recieved - CRAP! So, the put in her file that I was defiant to getting her treatment, all the while demanding they help her. Okay, I admit, I had bad judgement and horrible parenting skills because I objected to her meds being switched/increased every day. I even was horrible enough to think it was unrealistic to expect a preschooler to "cooperate" in group sessions geared towards elem aged kids. You know, sit quietly, not get bored etc. UGH!

So, I've got a horrible reputation and can't fix it. The only way to get her records "fixed" (there were no mistakes, they did this on purpose) is to get a lawyer. I can't afford one, legal aid won't help because there's no "proof" maybe I really am a bad parent. Oh, and I was dumb enough to suggest that being locked up, with no sunlight, no open windows and not getting to go out and play everyday was making her worse.

I think she has a socia/emotional disorder. She hates crowds and gets more shy every year. Currently, she is not eating and crying constantly. Her new school is too crowded and nobody likes her. I know school just started and it's a huge school, but this has been going on for years. She cried everyday last year because she had to ride the school bus and eat in the lunch room with the rest of the kids. She used to be very outgoing, the center of attention. She made friends wherever she went. She didn't hesitate to join in a game or play with kids she didn't know. Now she refuses to even say "Hi" to anyone that isn't a long time friend. At the park, she refuses to play if there are other kids around. She will sit on the swings and demand to be left alone. She plays with the 2 girls at the bus stop, one is her classmate. She refuses to talk to this girl at school and cries when I suggest they could play after school. Yet this little girl is her friend? She cries almost constantly, even at good things. I've been told the kids at school are nice to her, they're aware of her special needs and treat her more like a younger sibling than a peer.

Just some background on friends. Her "best" friend at 2yo was severly injured, spent 2 years in rehab, then died. Her next set of friends moved out of state shortly after she met them. The neighbor boys moved away, her other "best" friend moved out of state, and 2 little boys we just got reaquainted with moved after living next door for 6 weeks! All our efforts to help her make friends have failed. I just dont' know what else to do. I'm convinced she has an emotional/social disorder. The doctors refuse to see that her behavior is no longer a problem. Sure she misbehaves sometimes, but don't all kids? The refuse to reevalute her, and give appropriate treatment. I'm just they type of mom that doesn't know anything according to them. Oh, and my dh is just convinced she's faking all of this and I'm spoiling her. This is now his answer to everything. That she's faking, not trying, acting stupid or retarded etc. And since he's the man, the dr's will listen to him over me. He's told them that I baby her too much. Unlike him, I dont' yell at her and call her a dummy if she trips and falls or makes mistakes, even if she should have known better. This is how I spoil her according to him. Oh, and I let her cry when she needs to, and have plenty of hugs when she's had a bad day. And my dh, that I love dearly (although sometimes I'm not sure why) doesn't understand why our marriage is suffering. Needless to say, I don't have much support on this. I feel like she's only getting worse and I'm out of options. What can I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:04am

I can understand your frustrations and worry about Sammy.

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:11pm
She is on an IEP, but I've never understood the 504 plan. She was assesed for EBD services last year (observation & parental questionnaires)but didn't qualify. She usually plays well at school when she knows the kids, but *anything* can upset her to the point of tears. She is capable of communicating her feelings and such, but usually needs some coaching to open up. Her IEP is next week, and we're asking for an evaluation with the school psychologist.

I guess I gave dh the bad rap last night. We were talking before bed, and he admitted that he is so tough on her because the schools tend to baby her too much. He's right they do, and so we have to push her extra hard, which is getting really old. He is thinking we can push and push until she is caught up, or at least no so far behind. I think I finally made him realize this could backfire on us and it's time to ease up a little. Even when he's being an A$$, he's trying to help. I'll check out the link you gave me, I'm sure I will get some good ideas from there. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 7:07am

One thing I would suggest at this point would be to read the goals in her IEP and look to see if they could be tweaked a bit to offer Sammy some opportunities for additional successes socially.

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 12:25pm
I"m thinking of making my own chart but similiar to that one. I want to track her social development. Behavior really isn't an issue with her anymore. She just loves complying with the teachers. The only time it's a problem is when she gets frustrated and is stubborn or has a tantrum. Technically it's misbehaving. I also want to see how often that happens to and how the teacher responds to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 1:04pm

I would suggest a neuropsychological evaluation for Sammy. This is an evaluation that detects mental illnesses, learning disabilities and more through a series of tests. There is more than one person involved in a meuropsych. They will interview you and Sammy to see what tests to use for her. The neuropsych can take up to two days. They will not overtax her, however. For more info on neuropsychs see:


http://www.nldontheweb.org/neuropsych_assessment.htm


http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/mentalhealth/a/neuropsych_test.htm


http://www.neuropsychologycentral.com/

Steph

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 9:45pm
Thanks, I'll look into it. Is this something that can be added to her IEP or do I need to look elsewhere?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 2:16am
Neuropsych's are usually not a part of what a school will pay for as an initial evaluation. However, if you feel that the school's evluation was not thorough or did not find everything that it needed to, you can request an Independant Educational Evaluation (IEE).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 11:05pm
Maybe I'll start with my health insurance first. I'm positive the school wouldn't pay for something that expensive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:06pm

With an Independant Educational Evaluation, the school would pay for this. Their only other choice would be to disagree by taking it to a due process hearing. I have only heard of one school EVER doing this, and they lost. It is MUCH more expensive for the school to go to a due process hearing than for them to pay for an IEE.


That being said, it is better if you can get your insurance to pay for it. The school would then only recieve a copy of the report if you decide to give it to them.

Steph

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