Son, 12, suspended. Again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Son, 12, suspended. Again!
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 10:59am
Hi All,

I'm new here...I'm the mom of a 12 y/o special needs boy, he was dx'd with a malignant brain tumor at age 4. The treatment -surgery,chemo & radiation- has left him with residual side effects. Poor balance, slow speech, learning disabilities, poor social skills... etc.

The smallest things set him off, people have a real hard time reading him especially at school. He's been suspended 3 times this year. Two of those times were for hitting another student. The first time he thought a boy hit him with his lunch pail, the boy also special needs pushed his lunch pail down the table and it hit him, he thought it was on he popped him in the nose when he came to get it. Yesterday, he got upset because all the other kids got certificates for helping fill bags for the food bank, he said he helped hold the the bag open and thought he should get a certificate too...I understand at first, he had refused to help. So this set him off, as another boy was helping him back to his seat, he thought he was pulling him, he hit him too.

Once he gets in that upset mode, it's hard for him to pull himself back in. People think it's silly, but it's not to him.

So here we he will have no TV, he will do school work all day and clean his room.

Do any of you have any suggestions on ways to make it sink in that being suspended is not a good thing. Hitting is not acceptable, being disrespectful to other kids and his teachers isn't tolerated. I tell him, he understands when he is calm.

Most people don't understand how different parenting a special needs child is. Thanks for letting me vent. I'd appreciate any advice or suggestions.

Thanks, Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 10:55pm
Hi Lori, I am usually a lerker but read your post and wanted to respond. I am a teacher, (former special ed teacher) and I was wondering if your son has a behavior support plan for his outbursts? The teacher should be able to design a plan to help him with clear expectations and consequences and be able to come up with a way to handle him when he gets upset. Suspension is not the answer in most cases. Your son needs to be around other children to improve his social skills and sending him home is not the answer. I would check into his IEP goals and if a plan is not in place for him, insist on it.

HTH and hugs to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 8:14am

I can relate to what you are going through. My 7and a half yr old foster son was suspended once again last thurs. (its his 3rd this years plus about 3 in school suspensions) Its frustrating for me because the school seems to be picking on things to suspend him, yet they don't follow through with any of my suggestions, they send him mixed messages. He is very disruptive in his class, his EA is with him at all times, she gives in to his fits, bribes him, gives him treats, extra food if he says he doesn't like his lunch, so when he doesn't get something, he loses it, and he is not supervised on the playground and that is where he tends to get into alot more trouble. He is rewarded so often that he chooses not to do anything without reinforcements. This behaviour has continued on at home and has made things so much more difficult. He is more defiant, he argues about everything, he hits , screams, growls, bangs things ,kicks etc. These are all behavoiurs we had under control until he came to this new school in Sept. Now the school is giving up and wants him in a behaviour class or a half day program, but they don't realize its them that has done this to him. I feel like no one is listening to me. His social worker is getting frustrated with me because i tell her how his behavior is and she says is there anything positive.... THis makes me so angry because i tell her all kinds of positive things about him, its just that she can't deal with the extra work it will take to deal with these behaviours.

Whew,.... sorry , anyways what i do when he is suspended ...he does his school work, it they send any... no t.v. and no out of his room during the school hours..except for lunch of course... once the day is over i let him do what ever he normally does because i feel that since he is already suspended that is discipline enough... I just don't make it fun for him to be home. He doesn't like to be suspended because all the other children are in school and its just me and my three yr old home. If i have to run errands, i get a babysitter for him..

I wish you well. sorry for going on and on

Lisa... if you'd like to email me here is my email