Uh Oh, ydd catching up to odd

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Registered: 01-08-2004
Uh Oh, ydd catching up to odd
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 12:53am
I thought this wouldn't be too much of an issue since my girls are 4.5 yrs apart. Ruby (ydd) has always been more coordinated, stronger, and faster than Sammy. If Sammy did get upset or frustrated, we explained that it doesn't matter who is faster, learns quicker, etc. Ruby is a baby (was back then)and we should be excited when she learns new things, just like we're excited when Sammy learns new things.
Flash forward to present time. Sammy is just mastering her zips, snaps, buttons, etc. Ruby isn't that far behind her. Sammy learned to pedal her bike last summer, Ruby learned 2 weeks before that. Sammy is learning to tie her shoes, Ruby is giving her pointers (although not tying her own yet). Both girls are day trained, but not night trained. Ruby occasionally wakes up from naps, and sometimes even overnight dry. Sammy has never been dry overnight.
Sammy really is starting to notice this. The other morning I heard Ruby bragging that she woke up dry. OMG the poop almost hit the fan then. Sammy says "NO Ruby. You aren't allowed to be dry at night until I learn. I'm bigger, that means I'm learn things quicker and better than YOU!"
I really try hard to teach them that they are the same in some ways, but different in alot of others. Sammy does have "one up" on Ruby though. Sammy was talking much better and behaved much better at almost 3yo than Ruby is now. And being older has more priveleges, and Ruby is much too short to lock the door or hang the phone on the charger.
It seems all Sammy notices is what Ruby does equally or better than her. What can I do to help her realize it really doesn't matter at all. They both try thier hardest to learn new things. Some things are easier for Ruby, some are easier for Sammy. Seems like I'm talking to a brick wall these days though.

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Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 8:04am

This may sound a little off the wall, but have you had Sammy checked for a physical issue on the enurisis?



Avatar for mt_happydaze
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:43pm

We have that going on here, too. Ds(10)is behind dd(7.5)in a lot of areas. It is getting more noticeable as they get older and I think he is realizing it. I think it does bother him. She can read on a higher level than him, has a bigger vocabulary, can express herself better verbally, is more self-sufficient with personal care. He still wets the bed EVERY night, she has not had that issue. He has been in therapy most of his life, takes medication and extra vitamins. She doesn't have to deal with that stuff. She'll probably do most things earlier than him until they are adults. I feel some guilt because we really haven't dealt with this as well as we probably should have all along, mostly because we don't always know how much of his behavior ds can and cannot help. But the things we do that help(I like to think, anyway): let him do some things that she is too young to do and he is interested in. He was a Cub Scout for a few years, which he liked and it was something that she COULDN'T do. He played baseball a couple years, she didn't do that. He played soccer last fall and she WAS old enough, but I didn't sign her up because, at that time, she was going through a real bad attitude phase and didn't earn that privilege. Now he is playing basketball and that is something she is too young for yet. I know she will want to eventually do some of these things, but I'm hoping they will have enough DIFFERENT interests to give him some things that he feels he can do better than her(if only because they are not competing with each other). I also try to encourage any interests he has, hoping he'll feel competent at something. It is hard for him because he gets a lot of negative feedback at school and home. He does seem really proud of the things he has been involved in that don't involve his sister.

Anyway, though WE haven't done the best with this, I'd say encourage separate interests, talents and activities whenever possible. That way they develop strong identities of their own and maybe aren't as likely to compare themselves to each other(in a negative way). I think you are handling it very well from what you said in your post. I think siblings will always compare themselves to each other AND other kids. That's just human nature! Pam

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Registered: 01-08-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:35pm
I've talked to her dr about it a few times. He says not to worry, it's normal for kids to wet the bed until they're 6 or 7, and since she has delays, it's normal for her to do it longer. I'll bet he'd change his mind if he had to buy goodnites, they are expensive! He did mention alarms and medication. I'm pretty sure an alarm would scare the pee right out of her, lol. He did say the medication only works as long as she takes it, she could go back to wetting the bed when she stops. She is just such a heavy sleeper that she never wakes up to go.
Sammy used to love teaching Ruby things, but doesn't like it so much now. Ruby is such a copy cat, she does everything Sammy does, right down to "practicing" spelling. (did you know all words are spelled "a b i e e" or "i e e" it's so cute!) I think Sammy feels like there's nothing she can teach anymore.
I'm hoping it's just her winter time funk causing this - Jan and Feb are really hard on her, but she doesn't meet the criteria for SADD. Maybe things will look up in March.

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Registered: 01-08-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:45pm
We try to deal with it appropriately, but it's tough. The biggest problem is how we deal with milestones. With Sammy, I'm really excited and happy, DH is more likely to say "It's about time". Oh, I want to smack him when he says that, if he says anything at all. With Ruby, Dh gets really really excited, and I try to not make a huge deal out of it, although I'm happy and proud. DH thinks she's way advanced, in reality she is normal to advanced in most areas, behind in others. Compared to Sammy she is super genius. I just don't want her having the "I'm better than you" attitude.
I try not to worry about it too much. I figure they'll be in counseling and hate us for all the mistakes we made when they're 20 anyways L)

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Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:57pm

I can't say I have had to deal to much with Dev. Delays but I do have twins, and they are constantly competing! I am still having issues with them. They both go to the same school but I do request they are in seperate classes now because it is too hard for me to deal with when they are in the same class. I think they have been competing since birth lol. Rorie enjoys boasting that she was the first one out. I had the same problems when they were around 5, one tied their own shoes first, one could read better, so on and so fourth. I agree with happydaze, enrolling Sammy in some activities that Ruby can't do. I always did that with my girls. Rorie did hip-hop, Rogie did tap, Rorie did basketball, Rogie did baseball. They taught each other the skills from each of them and things worked well. What about something like girl guides (or sparks, or brownies...whatever she would be at that age) she would learn how to do all kinds of things that she could teach Ruby and meet a lot of new friends.