help?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
help?!?!
24
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 10:49am

I need help with potty training! Adelaide will be 3 in November. I'm getting a lot of comments about training her but trying which I do on random days (yesterday was one of those days) is not going well at all.

She doesn't stay dry for 2 hours at a time. She doesn't seem to know she is about to go. She gags violently when she sees her own stools.

She did poop on the potty once and gagged really bad, I expected that but now she won't try. She has never peed on the potty.  She has in fact peed just after I take her off.  Usually she says "uh oh wet" after she pees on the carpet or th esofa on the days that we try big girl pants with a timer, having her sit on the potty every 15 min.

Is she not ready (they wouldn't except that if it were preschool would they?). What really works from real moms?

I want to be done with diapers soon for her but I don't want to mess her up and then have a worse fight on my hands by doing it wrong and freaking her out.

Help????

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Avatar for zions_daughter
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2001
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 1:51pm
Can she stay dry for an hour? I started taking Ben to the bathroom whenever Tim was going since I noticed they had synchronised pooping (weird!) and then when I was ready to step it up from just every-so-often visits and pull-ups during the day, I began taking him every hour. Most of the time I could go at the same time for a good example to my little one :smileywink: but sometimes I just turned on the water to encourage his body to let it out.

I gradually increased to 90 mins and now it's 2 hours. He will rarely volunteer that he has to go and is still not consistent with poop, so that's our big challenge now.

I've never known of anyone who can't stand their own poop, but Hubby gags at anyone else's, plus vomit or sometimes the sound of retching. That's why I've been the one with dog and kid duty when they're sick or needing the bathroom!

I think concentrating on pee for now is good, and she should be able to handle at least staying dry by 4 years old. Maybe she'll be totally trained by then!

Here are some other go-to tips for potty training that I discovered with one or both: No time on the couch and keep away the trainee from carpeted areas if you can. (We also have fabric chairs, so I moved meals and snacks to the little table in the living room until I was confident about staying dry while eating.) Keep wipes and cleaning cloths handy, plus get the kid to help clean up! They learn to associate the potty as being an easy way to dispose of pee and poop when compared with cleaning.

Take it a step at a time and stick with it. See it as your priority for the short-term because it will lead to long-term success. And feel free to share your progress and frustrations. I'm available by PM, too. We can do this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 2:14pm
I'm thinking our house set up is part of the problem. We can't use the downstairs bathroom so it's a potty downstairs and a bathroom upstairs. I have all carpet and chairs although I hadn't thought about it. So no option there. We can't afford pull ups but I do use the thick trainer underwear. maybe using them with plastic pants instead of just by themselves? That's worth trying. I'm not sure if she can hold it an hour. I'd have to catch her going and then set a timer maybe? Thanks for your tips and help. who knew this was so hard!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 7:17am

The only thing I can add to Becca is to try giving her a potty training chart or letting her ear small candy as a reward for using the potty.  I did both of those to train Julia.  She wasn't interested in using the potty, and I believe she started training at 3.5 years old.  Oh, another silly trick that really worked for her.  I put a couple drops of blue food coloring in the potty.  She found it hilarious to go potty and turn it green.  After a couple of days, I bought those blue toilet tablets so it was always blue for her.

JJ will be 3 next month, and he is nowhere near ready to be potty trained.  Of course with his delays, it would be impossible to communicate to him how to use it.  Luckily, his preschool teacher is more then happy to change a poopy diaper if need be.  I am hoping that we will be able to be trained by next year.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 9:07am

I didn't know JJ had delays. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad to know that other real mom's don't start at 18 months too. Both of you have encouraged me. I've wondered if her nervous system isn't ready too as if she can't feel things clearly down there yet.

Avatar for zions_daughter
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2001
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 2:23pm
I forgot about candy and charts! We used both of those as well, though I should warn that you might get a Ben-copycat who isn't motivated right away and then suddenly has some sort of breakthrough and wants to earn treats and stickers all day long...

Ben and Tim are both using monthly charts with a sticker for each clean/dry day. I also use the bottom row of Ben's chart to give him an additional sticker for a poop that wasn't in his pants, since that's his hurdle right now.

Since Tim's having more dry nights than not, and Ben surprises me with one here and there, I add a small sticker between the days to indicate those nights. (Yes, our charts are quite busy. There's probably a better way to do it that I haven't thought of yet.)

I admit that I was a little concerned about giving candy for rewards, but it turned out to be quite easy to phase them out in favour of stickers or a fun activity right after the successful potty visit. Now I use the candy to reward for chores and sometimes in place of an actual dessert (since we can't eat ice cream cones every day as these guys think we should).

Avatar for zions_daughter
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2001
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 2:29pm
I thought Tim was ready at 18 months, so we had our first potty from that time, but it was just in the bathroom for occasional attempts. Then when we moved and had another baby, I wasn't ready to take on the training. Hubby kicked it into high gear somewhere around age 3, I think, or maybe a little later.

You do have to make allowances for medical conditions. It's been very confusing learning about chronic constipation because I would have assumed that just meant difficult poops and more fibre in the diet, but it actually can cause loss of the sensation of having to go and there might be "leakage" that looks more like diarrhea. In Tim's case, going on daily laxatives straightens things out and he relearns the signals his body is giving him, plus he's confident again as far as his ability to stay clean. We still need to determine what's causing the constipation, so I may have further insight after we see both pediatricians in this area...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 4:28pm
I like a lot of the ideas that were shared but i think it's definitely wise to explore the possible medical reasons that might be contributing to potty training issues. I definitely recommend against the 15 minute timer thing just based on the fact that it can really add stress to both of you. Elijah was almost 3 when he trained and he hated me sending him to the potty. In a fine parenting moment, i told him "fine, go when you need to but just don't pee on my floor." An hour passed, then two and still no potty trip. Just as i was bracing for a potty cleanup, he jogged in and went on the toilet. He pretty much was day trained that week and night trained in a few. I wish that I hadn't spent months playing potty patrol and just waited til he was ready to do it.

That being said, if it's not a medical issue, i love Becca's suggestion about having her help clean. I know we did that in pre-k if the kids peed on the seat and aim for the boys really improved very quickly :smileywink:


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 6:06pm

Thank you for all the feed back WOW! We did a panties day today - it's much easier with daddy here. She had 2 accidents and then once where she started to dribble and then peed on the potty  (for the very first time) then another accident. Mike was using it at the time so when she was saying potty we assumed she was excited that he was using it. Now we know that she may have wanted it for herself! But one success is worth celebrating!! I'm working on a chart now. Holy expensive! The undies online are crazy. I spent $7-8 on 6 pairs for me. Hers were 7 pairs for $18 give or take. I hope it's better in the real store! We just have plain padded white ones for now about 4 pairs. So we are done for now till they finish in the washer and dryer.  Today we didn't;'t make her sit on it, we just kept reminding her and asking her if she had to go every so often. More to keep her conscious o fit than anything else - why am I so terrified of this?!? LOL

Avatar for zions_daughter
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2001
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 6:14pm
Woo hoo! Congrats to you all for the great training day! :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 7:44pm
Yay Adelaide!!!

Woohoo for a great training day! What kind of undies are you using? I know you mentioned the thick ones or using those plastic covers but I'd recommend just regular kid undies. Sounds like they are cheaper and you could get 12 undies for less than that price and wash less loads in a day. We tried those plastic covers and I might just be an idiot but somehow those made a gianter mess than just cleaning pee. We have carpet and couches and someone recommended pet cleaning spray so that's what we did for accidents.

Oh, and i'm not sure how coherent this post is...i'm about to head to bed after a loooong day at work starting at 4 am :smileytongue: So forgive me if i sound loopy/mean/bossy/overenthused.......


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