Seriously scary situation: HELP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2010
Seriously scary situation: HELP?
17
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 11:01am

OK I've known my BFF since high school but recently she is NOT doing a good parenting job IMHO. She can't afford child care & has 2 kids DD is 8 DS is 4 but he's autistic & has a LOT of special needs. Since she couldn't find childcare she decided to leave them alone. She insists that its totally legal but I do not agree. Now since it's summer her DD wants to play. Not unreasonable. But she has taken to taking him out of the house & bringing him over here. There's a reason I don't keep him. It takes too much out of me. I'm sorry but I'm sick.

Also she's a hoarder. Literally she collects trash. our neighbor & I decided to just clean it & we did & she was FURIOUS. The iron & oven were left on. & the maggots. UGH. we cleared out 15 bags of trash. That was just the living room. There was rancid food everywhere. There was an entire table filled with coke cans. She smokes & ashes in the cans. I've seen the little boy drink out of them.

I've tried talking to her but this is awful. I don't want to call CPS but her children deserve so much better. Example: we marked a diaper & he wore it for THREE DAYS. What should I do? I am lost.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2009
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 11:54am
Christine, I'm sorry, but you've GOT to call someone. I might even call the police, like 911, if the iron and oven are on and the kids are alone. Those kids are in danger. You will most likely lose your friendship, but the kids are in danger. Even if she's home it sounds like they need to be somewhere safer than what she can provide.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 12:42pm

I have to agree.

 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 2:31pm

You mean to tell me that you marked a kids diaper and it went 3 days without being changed and you still had to come here to ask if you should turn in the mother? AND she leaves them alone all day because she can't afford childcare? AND they live in filth and maggots? Maybe you should turn yourself in for ignoring


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Avatar for zions_daughter
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2001
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 4:42pm
I would be very disturbed if my best friend's parenting went downhill as you've described but I can understand not wanting to ruin her life. This is a best friend we're talking about, not a stranger. It would be way easier to turn in a stranger and even that would be hard.

Still, I agree that someone has to call and stop this neglect before the children are hurt. Your best friend would never forgive herself if something happened to her kids, and she's also endangering her own life with the hoarding and filth.

I'll be praying. Go make that call now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 5:21pm
Yes this is definitely past calling CPS stage. Many states have laws about how old a child has to be to stay alone & how old they have to be to babysit. In addition to leaving them alone she is not caring for them while she is there! 3 days without a diaper change?!?!?!?! Trash & Maggots? Hot appliances being messed with? If they are alone now CALL SOMEONE NOW. If they are not alone now then perhaps write up a coherent list of everything you know & wish to report & then CALL SOMEONE. If you have the time to be thorough in your complaint do so, the more info they have the better, BUT don't delay if there is an imminent danger.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 8:01pm
You definitely need to call ASAP! You could always call anonymously if you don't want her to know you called. But seriously, I would have no problem turning somebody like that in. You need to SAVE those kids! This is not about how your friend may feel, her actions could cause the death of one or both of those children. Call now Christine.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2009
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 11:44pm
Um, that's "NOT doing a good parenting job" that's called neglect. I'm a teacher and, thus, a mandated reporter. If I found out any of my kids were treated this way, I'd call CPS in a heartbeat. 4 years old is to young to stay home alone, special needs or not. Wearing a diaper for three days tells me several things (a) the obvious, that she's not caring for him and (b) um, autistic or not, are we attempting to potty train any time soon?!
Yeah, not to be rude but, duh, call.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2010
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 10:59am
Shame on me?????? I clean her house every single day. My neighbor & I have been taking the kids every day. The house is no longer filthy because we clean it everyday. I just needed some perspective on this because she has a genius level IQ but she does this & I'm very distraught over the whole affair. I change her son. I give her daughter baths. I make sure the oven is off. I have called & it has rung my heart out. I feel awful. But I knew it had to be done. I came here so as not to feel so bad about reporting my friend. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2010
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 11:02am
Thank you Becca. That was the hardest thing I've had to do in some time & I've had a hard life. I just have to pray it was the right thing to do. I'll be seeing her whole family including the kids at church in the morning & I feel like I have guilt written all over my face but I'm willing to take that. This is a scary situation that I have never had to deal with before. Thanks for your prayers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2010
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 11:08am
No she is not planning on potty training any time soon. I don't know what's in her head. But it certainly is neglect & I knew I'd have to call. I just needed some outside help to build up my strength to make this very difficult decision. I still feel bad. But there were at least 3 other people looking to me if I didn''t call, they were going to. I knew it needed to be me. You're not being rude Sarah I needed to see it bluntly I guess. I don't feel like I'll ever get over this.

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