Needing some prayers
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|Tue, 11-15-2011 - 10:58pm|
girls I need to be blanketed in prayers...
I am at wits end. My husband is in the throws of a horrible depression because he is still struggling after his surgery last month. He is an angry bitter horrible person to be living with and he is honestly making my life a living hell. I have had enough. I am daydreaming all day about taking my kids and leaving. I know I love him a lot, but I am tired of this endless fight alone. He is not helping in any way, and his constant grumbling and laziness around the house have influenced the kids to the point that when I ask for help I get tears and drama. My 2 best friends spent the weekend he had surgery helping me clean up the house, catch up on laundry and everything. It was such a blessing. In the last month the house has fallen apart. I am trying to keep on top of everything, but I am failing horribly. My husband has only come to bed to sleep 4 times since coming home from the hospital, basically arriving in our bed when he wants "something". I am hurt, offended, angry, sad, mad, tired, weary all in one fluffy hurting body.
He has abandoned school, refuses to increase his hours at work again, and sneaks off to go spend time with his mom. I asked a friend tonight when she knew her marriage was over and we had a long talk about what is going on. I don't think I could really leave him, but someone needs to step up and wake him up before I am there. I know several of you can relate to the broken husband syndrome. I just wish their was a magic "grow up and be a man" spray to "fix" them with. Chris refuses to go to church, ask for help, but he keeps telling me he is depressed. I told him yesterday that I can't fix him or help him, that he is going to have to find help by himself. He told the doctor (finally) that he is vomiting most of what he eats. I get that he doesn't feel well, but can't he get that I have one child that is more than I can handle, and 4 more that need a lot from me, so he needs to grow up and fix what ever is wrong? I tried to talk to the doctor at the last appointment and he belittled me right there in front of the nurse and doctor and told me to shut up I wasn't his mother...hello I have never wanted to be his mother, I just want to be an equal partner in this crappy marriage!
So obviously I need prayer and lots of it. Thank you for letting me safely vent here, I will cross post on facebook so I get LOTS of prayer! Love you girls like mad.