New here, in need of prayer
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|Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:46pm|
Hi! I'm new to Christian Sisters. I've been on ivillage before under a different username, so I'm familiar with iVillage. I'm in need of prayer, though. I just recently found out that my husband did something as a child, when he was around 12 years old, toward two of his siblings, that was abusive in nature, but it was solely within his family setting. His siblings forgave him, he went through counseling, and was deemed no longer a threat. I even talked to his sister and she said that she believes whole-heartedly that he had changed and was no longer a threat to herself or her children. He and I have been married for over a decade and I've never noticed any abusive behavior from him, either toward me, or toward our daughter. As much as I KNOW he's not a threat and never has been, I'm having a really hard time mentally getting past what he did as a child. I guess I worry that he would somehow return to that behavior, even though I know that it was something that happened because boundaries were not taught to him at that point, and his parents believe that he may have been abused when he was very young, himself (even though they don't have any concrete proof and my husband doesn't really remember). Then again, when he went through counseling, it was years after the events that happened and the counselor deemed him to be a non-threat toward anyone.
I guess I need prayers that Satan would leave me alone with the doubts, worries, and mistrust of my husband. I love him. I know in my heart of hearts that he would not hurt our daughter. I trust him enough to still leave our daughter with him when I need to go out for appointments. Our daughter doesn't display any signs of having been abused. Our daughter adores her father, and I know he adores her. He actually has always gone out of his way to give her privacy and has often told her, "I can't help you with that. You need to go ask your mom to help you." This is before I even knew about what he did in his childhood.
Trust is hard to earn back, but I don't think I totally lost all trust in him. He's still the same person he's always been in our marriage. I know in my mind and in my heart that finding out about something from his past doesn't immediately turn him into a monster. I guess my biggest fear is that he's keeping more from me, even though he's tearfully apologized for not telling me about his past and that he honestly, truly has never kept anything else from me. I want to believe him. I really, truly do, because there has been nothing else in our marriage that makes me believe that he is being anything but truthful. He was not a Christian man until we started dating and he has always stated that I showed him Christ. He has definitely become a beautiful, wonderful Christian man. I guess I just am being sucked into Satan's evil ways of mistrust, worry, fear. I need prayers for Satan to leave me alone and for God to wrap me in love, show me how to trust again, and for healing to happen in our family.