Hi, a baptism question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Hi, a baptism question
9
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 11:48pm
I am Catholic, my husband is not, our marriage was not in the church (I gave up on the faith, but I am back). Our marriage is on the rocks, basically, although we are working on it. I want to baptise our (disabled, medically fragile) child, and I know that most priests want both parents to take a class, etc...well, that is NOT going to happen with my DH! He does not want his child to be Catholic. If I have a Catholic friend of mine baptise my baby, since that seems the only way I can have it done, is that considered legit.??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 10:18am
A lay person must not Baptize a child except in the case extreme emergency, where death might occur before a priest can arrive. Only one parent needs to request Baptism for their child. This is why the Church requires pre-marriage classes and the Bishops premission before a Marriage can take place between Catholic and a non-Catholic. To obtain the permission to marry the non-Catholic party must understand the Catholic's responsibility towards the children and promise not to interfere. But then you side stepped all of these precautions.

You need to speak with your pastor about having your child Baptized.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 10:59am
Hi there,

I don't really have advice for you but wanted to offer a warm welcome back to the church and also support for the really hard time you're going through right now. In the midst of the trouble in your marriage, you're seeking the best for your child in seeking baptism. It is my hope that your pastor will offer you and your child the same warm welcome. The 'rules' are not meant to exclude people, but so often people receive an exclusionary message, and feel unworthy to approach God through the sacraments. We're all unworthy (even the priests) and the gifts of God are just that...gifts, given freely from God's grace. Remember, Jesus is the Good Shepherd; he would never dissuade you from coming closer to Him. May God hold you and your family in the palm of His Hand. And may your child receive healing. Amen!!!

~Kerry

Avatar for mending
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 6:38pm
Is your friend a deaconized Pastor or a Deacon by vocation? Never thought of it before, it's just very interesting that you are asking! I'd be very interested to find out what your answer is. I wouldn't see why your friend, man or woman, couldn't baptize w/your permission, if s/he's deaconized.

About your classes, I don't have any idea on why it would be difficult to take this class w/your daughter. Perhaps another church will work, in addition to the marital counseling ones. Aren't those the ones on Marriage Encounter? (except I heard they have them for renewing vows.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 10:34pm
Thank you, Br. Rich, Kerry, and Sister21 for responding to my post. Kerry, you are so sweet, thank you for your welcome (it means a lot) and your prayers for my little one. Sister21, my friend is not in any religious order, just a pretty devout Catholic, his whole life. Br. Rich, may I ask why it would be wrong for a lay person to baptise a child? All the priests I have spoken with say that as long as I am married, they would require both parents to be in agreement, regarding baptism. Maybe I need to keep calling different ones, but so far, one parent is not enough, I've been told. All the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 8:31am

..Good Morning and Welcome.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 8:59am
To be honest with you the Canon Law of the Church does NOT require anything from a non-Catholic spouse when it comes to the Baptism of a child. It seems to me that these priests are adding their own requirements for some reason. It may be that they are not convinced that you will raise your child in the Catholic faith? To some pastors an irregular Marriage situation is an obstical to Baptism. I assume that you have gone to Confession and are working on the Marriage situation, returned to the paractice of the Catholic Faith and actively participate in the life of the Church.

A Lay person is forbidden by the Canon Law of the Church to Baptize (outside of an emergency). Even a Deacon must have the pastors permission before he can Baptize. Because the Catholic Church makes the pastor responsible for the Sacraments celebrated in his parish. (a parish is the geographic area served by a church, any Catholic living in that geographic area belongs to that parish, unless registered elsewhere)

Have you actually spoken directly to the pastor of your parish church? If so you could register in another parish and seek Baptism there. Although I don't believe that church shopping is a good thing, it is sometimes necessary. Then you could contact the Bishop since he is the overall authority for the celebration of Sacraments in his diocese.

Avatar for munchies
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 7:59pm

It could be the issue is your dh being against the Baptism.

Kim mom to Brad, Matt, Emma, Sarah, and Meagan

Avatar for ruthv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 2:07pm
Hi, I'm Baptism Coordinator at my parish. There is no reason from what you've told us that your child should not be baptized....in any case but especially since you say your child is disabled and medically fragile. Your dh should NOT be required to attend the class, nor should he even be required to attend the baptism if that was his choice to stay away. You may not ask any lay person to baptize the baby. In the Catholic Church the minister of baptism is either a Bishop, an ordained priest or an ordained deacon. We recently had a baptism where the father is agnostic and the mother is Catholic. The father did not attend the class...however both godparents came with the mother. The agnostic father did not attend the baptism either, though we indicated to the mother that he would be welcome if he wanted to come. The priest would want to be reasonably sure that the child would be raised in the Catholic faith.

Ruth

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 4:47pm
I also recently returned to the Church. My daughter (10 years) asked to be baptized. I signed her up for RCIC. She is with children her own age. I attend the classes with her. It is a great refresher course. She will be baptized this spring. My DH is not Catholic, but stands by his promise to let me raise and baptize our children Catholic. He has not been "required" to do anything yet. He has been helping me search for a suitable godparent, since this is the person who will help both of us with the spiritual upbringing of our child. Does your husband have any Catholic friends? His friend may help you both.