An IRL Moral Q from DD12

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
An IRL Moral Q from DD12
28
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 8:48pm

A young couple on our street are getting married soon.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 2:13pm

And I disagree with the Church's position on gay marriage, which is especially hard for me personally to swallow since at least one of my kids is gay or bisexual (still figuring that out).>>>>>

But if you read the Church's definition of marriage, you'll see why marriage is not possible unless there is a man and woman..... and with more reading, studying and prayer you can come to understand why sex outside of marriage (homosexual or heterosexual) is a sin.... just because we as parents did something in our past and turned out okay, doesnt' mean it was right and unsinful....

Renee


Wife to Scott


Mom to: Madeleine, James, Abigail, Theresa & John

Renee


Wife to Scott


Mom to: Madeleine, James,

Avatar for mahopac
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Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 4:28pm

I do know what the Church's definition is of marriage, and I have thought about it a great deal. While my understanding of it may change in the future, at this point, I disagree with it and find it a particularly challenging thing for me to preach in my own household. There's a huge difference between telling a straight kid "Sex is for married people only" - because marriage is an option in their future - and telling a gay kid "You can never be physically intimate with someone you love without committing mortal sin." Personally I'm not ready to push that harsh stand on my gay kid(s) at this point; hence the message that the Catholic church has the right to define a sacramental marriage, but that Americans have the right to define it differently for civil purposes.

Again, I'm not trying to stir controversy or start an argument, but many of us struggle with understanding and/or accepting every aspect of Catholic moral teaching, and this is one I have a particularly difficult time with.

I didn't mean to hijack this thread, but since we were on the subject of how to properly and appropriately pass on moral teaching, I thought I'd throw this aspect in there.

Kelly

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Registered: 01-08-2007
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 10:37pm

Jeanne ~


I have to include my 2cents in here. Having BTDT with this situation I am instilling a lot in my own two kids.


I was a teenage mom - 2 kids before I was 19 years old out of wedlock. It really did make for a rough road not only for me but also for my children. I did eventually marry my kids father, only to divorce him a few years later.


I was "raised" Catholic but never really learned doctrine and teachings growing up because religion was never a constant in my family. We went when mom felt like going and didnt go if mom didnt want to go.


I went through the motions but was never really sure I believed what I was taught. It wasnt for several years after my divorce that I began searching for my own beliefs with the Catholic Church. It was when I started learning more and more that I began reconciling my life with God and the Church.


All I can say is -- If I knew then what I know now, things would have been so different. I preach to my own children that they should remain pure until marriage and that they should really know the person that they intend to marry. Although my kids give me funny looks since it sounds hypocritical to them, I get the opportunity to explain to them how difficult it has been not only for me, but for them as well.


Being a teenage mom put me at a disadvantage from the beginning! However, as my kids are about to become "adults" of their own right (ages 16 and 17) they have seen the hardships and they have witnessed kids in their own schools who already have 1, 2 and sometimes 3 children by the age of 16.


Although the teachings tell us that it is to be marriage and then children, society doesnt always work that way. With the parents having a strong faith and instilling those same beliefs in their children, I think it can help to prevent the out of wedlock parenting. It is important to be honest with the kids.


I guess the important thing is to explain to the children how God intended things to be and yet not be judgmental at the same time. It is definitely a balancing act.


Good luck to you!!


**but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isa

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 10:05am

Have you read,Crossing the Threshold of Hope by the then Pope John Paul?

 

 

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 10:21am

Oh, good! I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for the recommendation of "Crossing the Threshold of Hope." I haven't read it because I've found so much of JPII's writing to be too dense for me, but if you enjoyed it, I'll give it a try.

I am always open to trying to understand more about our doctrine and moral teachings. I know they aren't always easy, but I believe in our Pope's gifts of grace and discernment in pondering and teaching about all of them. That doesn't mean I always agree with these teachings, but I would never consider them as coming from someone who didn't care about his flock or didn't seriously consider what they mean to our lives.

Unfortunately, some very genuine and faithful Catholics can be too quick to dismiss people who find Catholic moral teachings difficult as "cafeteria Catholics," just as many fallen-away Catholics are too ready to dismiss faithful Catholics as mindless robots incapable of thinking for themselves. I love that our Church encourages us to think, learn, and pray, rather than just automatically accept everything.

Kelly

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 10:30am

Thanks for sharing your story.


My DH has a sister with three children,pg around the age of 18 and had them back to back - all three by the time she was 20.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 10:36am
Jeanne, this is a conversation I've had with Ian. I didn't go into many details, since he's only 5. I explained that the right way to do things is to get married first, have a baby next. Little Mr. Observant informed me that some people have babies and aren't married, so I told him that yes even though that CAN happen, it's not the right way to do it. It's like eating dessert before dinner. He seemed to understand. We don't get into abortion or BC talk. I figure those discussions would be appropriate later on.







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 10:42am
Sofia, I have the same dilemma. Although, not many people know DH and I lived together. It wasn't planned, and it was for less than a year (out of the 10 we were together before the wedding date). We were engaged and had a ring and a date, not that it makes it any better. I agree with Renee. I would own up to my mistake, and explain that nobody is perfect. I'd also probably mention that most of the time live-in relationships don't work out and we were fortunate. It's a conversation I'm hoping to avoid all together. :S







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 10:44am

"I think we get so hung up in "not judging" that we lose sight of the fact that it IS acceptable to judge actions. There ARE things that are right and things that are wrong. What is not OK, is judging people."


I totally and completely agree with you!








iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 1:37pm

I have a hard time with that teaching too, but not for exactly the same reasons. Because I see so much hate and judgment levelled against homosexuals, I'd like to be able to justify homosexual acts. But from both an RC standpoint, a Biblical standpoint, and a natural law standpoint, it just doesn't add up for me.


That said, I do believe that homosexual acts aren't the major sin they are painted to be in our sex-crazed society. In terms of harm, I'd argue that adultery is far more insidious. Also, I can see the value of laws that allow people to state who they consider family for health benefits, etc., and I'm not opposed to that. While I
appreciate the church's teaching, I don't see that it is my place to lobby for laws governing homosexuality (which is, after all, what marriage definition laws are) any more than I see it is my place to lobby for laws governing promiscuity in general.


On the flipside, while lifelong chastity may be difficult, I'm also don't think it is the impossibility that society portrays it to be. It may be a difficult cross to bear, but the RC standpoint isn't impossible, and it isn't a condemnation of homosexuals.


Our priest once gave a homily where he discussed what made God/Jesus "angry" in the Bible, and he pointed out that it wasn't the sins of human nature, so to speak. Sins that were the result of our imperfection were quickly forgiven. I think that's important to remember too, and to respond with love.


I honestly don't know how I'd react if the issue hit home. But the chuch teaches many things, and I'd like to think that if one of my children were homosexual, I would focus on the church's teaching that we are all made in God's image and He loves us unconditionally.


I wish this issue were easier.


Polly