Marriage Ceremony Class

Avatar for peytonmiranda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Marriage Ceremony Class
8
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 2:05pm
This is the best place for me to post my question, though it's not abotu parenting. My fiance and I were both raised Catholic, and while I still practice, he does not. We went to see my parish priest about getting married next year. He gave us all the information on premarital classes we'd have to attend together. My DF is non-to-thrilled about these classes. He knows it's important to me and will attend them for me and our marriage. I feel like I'm making him "jump through hoops" to get married.

Now, we've talked about having a simple blessing ceremony at teh reception hall since we're actually planning on getting married in Florida in November (an elopment of sorts). We're mainly trying to make each happy with the wedding, but we're also ending up compromising our own beliefs.

Can anyone help?

Andrea

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 2:13pm
I'm not sure I understand the situation well enough to help much, but I'll give it a shot. You don't say which ceremony, if either, will be Catholic, and that's an important point. For instance, if your first ceremony is in Florida and it's not Catholic, the Church won't recognize it...and I doubt any priest would consent to "bless" a marriage that, in the Churh's eyes, doesn't exist. It *is* possible to have a simple Catholic ceremony; you don't even have to have a Mass. If you could provide more information on what the issues are, I'll try to be more helpful.




Edited 5/14/2003 2:15:25 PM ET by pjp2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 2:49pm
Congratulations on your engagement!!

Now it's time to get to work ;) I married someone who is not Catholic. He was really good about going along with what we had to do to get ready to be married. Yes I did pretty much drag him to Engaged Encounter, and he was less than enthusiastic, but he went because he knew it's what we had to do. I did not have the full Mass at my wedding and I don't regret it.

I know he probably feels like he's jumping through hoops, but these are pretty easy hoops to jump through. Much easier than being up all night with a colicky baby and then having to get up and take care of the rest of the kids at 7am, IMO. The Church only requires a few things and you've got a year to get them done. It really is worth it to get married in the Church if you are going to raise your kids Catholic (or is that another issue?) Just this week, the pastor at my parish wrote a beautiful letter in the bulletin about this subject (well the complications of marriage and divorce) and that the people who are in questionable situations should get in touch with them to get things cleared up.

Yes, you could go and get your marriage blessed, but you are far more likely to put that off. One of the other moms of the Kindergarten class mentioned to me that she never got her marriage blessed and she'd been married for years. We were talking about the letter from Father and how it was so wonderfully and compassionately written that it invited people to come to get things right. I hope your priest is as kind.

But I've gone on. I hope you can work this out together.

Kim

Kim 

Mom to Brad, Ma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 5:19pm
Hello and Congratulations on your engagement!

I'll get right to what I want to say (don't worry, I won't bite! ; ) ) Just one thing for both you and your fiance to consider, is that the divorce rate in the United States hovers around 50%. This is not to say that you will fall into this group, however, the church has an obligation to try and improve this statistic since marriage is a sacrament. Marriage is so much more than the ceremony or the piece of paper the state gives you that says you are married. Marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse AND God. Even if your fiance is non-practicing, surely he could agree that he wants to start your marriage on the surest footing possible. What the marriage preparation does is bring to light issues that most people wouldn't think about discussing before marriage, because each one alone seems trivial and noone really thinks of them as insurmountable (I'm talking about how you squeeze the toothpaste, whether you shut the lid on the toilet when you are finished, etc, etc, etc.) But when you pile all of these little things together, they make for dissonance, which can only make the REAL problems that marriages face SEEM insurmountable. Marriage prep also addresses the issues of family size, financial responsibilities and how the couple will work through the religious differences that you and your fiance will surely face. You see, the church isn't just making you jump through hoops...they want your marriage to succeed...the things you do in marriage prep aren't arbitrary busy work...it is things that they hope will bring you and your fiance closer to each other, open the lines of communication, and start your marriage out in the strongest possible condition. I hope you can convey some of this to your fiance in a way that he will understand. The church isn't a lion tamer, it is our guide to help lead us to Christ...in our marriages and beyond.

I've rambled, but I hope I've made my point adequately. I wish you and your fiance all the best. I truly hope you will re-consider your plans to elope and have your marriage take place sacaramentally. If you don't, please know that you will be considered as living in a state of sin and will not be allowed to receive communion until your marriage is blessed. The consequence is rather severe, so I hope you consider it carefully.

Pax,

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 6:36pm
I will give you a short answer and if you want to hear more just ask. As a practicing and even a non-practicing Catholic you are bound by Chruch law. You cannot just simply go off to Florida and be married in November that won't be a valid marriage except in civil court. I would think twice, no three times, about this. You would be breaking major Church laws and committing several Grave sins, willfully and intentionally.
Avatar for jasbri2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 8:32pm
Hi Andrea!!!!

My DH is not Catholic, and I am. We had lived together, as roommates, before we fell in love. We had originally planned to not get married, (yeah, I know it was against the rules, but I was willing to break them) because DH had had a stinky first marriage. When we did decide to get married, I knew that I needed it to be in the Church. That meant, not only did DH have to go through the Pre-Cana conferences, he also had to get an annulment. He let me help him type the answers to the annulment questionnaire. I was thrilled that he would let me do that. Between that paper work and the Pre-Cana we were able to work out a lot of "bugs" that could have come between us. The things that in the rush of love and happiness, people forget about. Who will control the household accounts? Will each partner still maintain a separate account? What about kids? What are the discipline stratagies? Keep in mind, DH and I were already together and he had kids from his first marriage. But to actually think about and discuss these things, wow.

Marriage is very hard sometimes. The last thing anyone needs is to be blindsided by the little things. Don't throw away an opportunity to discuss things that could come back to haunt you later

Beth

Avatar for workinmom91
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 11:48am
I think that every engaged couple goes through things when planning a wedding.

I always dreamed of getting married in the church and I knew that certain things needed to be done to do that. When I got engaged, dh and I knew that we needed to take the Pre-Cana classes. We learned so much from the classes because it gave us a chance to be totally honest about our expectations about marriage, family, and children. Yes, it was hard and yes there were many things that we did and didnot agree upon but we knew that these "arguments" were needed BEFORE the wedding so that they would not cause serious problems after the wedding. Attending the Pre-Cana classes with me was the BEST thing that my DH could have done for ME and HIM for our marriage. Because when all the hoopla of the day is gone, no one really cares about how big or pretty the ring was, how elegant the reception hall was or how pretty or expensive the dress you wear was, (heck you will be lucky if the people attending your wedding will even remember your 1st wedding anniversary)but what they will remember when they see you together after so many years is

Wow, how good it is to see that you two are stil together after all these years. After almost 15 years of marriage, I would do the Pre- Cana classes again, in a heartbeat. The lessons learned have been priceless. Hope this helps and God Bless you and your marriage.
Avatar for peytonmiranda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 12:18pm
Thanks! WE're all signed up and start our classes the fist week of June. DF's getting excited even.
Avatar for workinmom91
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 11:40pm
You are welcome. Best of luck to both of you.