Married to a non-Catholic

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Registered: 03-21-2004
Married to a non-Catholic
7
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 8:16am

I am a cradle Catholic who left the church for about 15 years during my first marriage.

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Registered: 04-02-2009
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 10:37am

Mame - I am also married to a non-Catholic. My husband is Jewish. My best advice is to make 100% sure that you are both on the same page before having another baby. Find out what his issues are with Catholicism, what is it that he objects to. It's possible what he has been told/taught about Catholicism isn't true.

I am fortunate, my husband has been unbelievably supportive when it comes to our kids' religious education. Just this week he took our son to his "I'm sorry celebration" because I had a previous commitment with one of my older kids. He said he had to stand in a circle and hold his arms up while they prayed. He had to state something he was sorry about in front of their circle. He did it, even though it was very awkward for him. I got a text saying that I owed him but he didn't complain or mock the ceremony, which I appreciated.

Good luck!
Chris

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Registered: 06-11-2007
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 12:19am
I married a Southern Baptist. It has taken a long time for him to stop saying unkind things and be quiet. He has seen how I've progressed in recent years and how my faith has guided me, and how my relationships with those in my parish have had such wonderful impact in our lives. I agree with the previous poster, that you should find a time outside the heat of frustration and ask him what his objections are, and what he doesn't understand. Write them down, then get the answers for him. It's something you may have to ask your priest about, and do some research on it so that you can effectively answer him. You may want to address one issue at a time as you reach the answers to the questions. That way he doesn't get overwhelmed with information overload, and he can digest the answers one at a time.
In the meantime, you can start answering by saying something like "This sacrament is a rite of passage in a Catholic's spiritual journey. It is tied to a child reaching an age of reason, and moving beyond baby and little kid things. There are others later, and they too are tied to additional growth and maturity."
~Trish

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
--old Irish blessing

Irish siggy courtesy beaches59

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~Trish

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your
Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 6:05am
I think it's great you agreed on the catholic school direction for your kids but I would cut him a little slack about the First Communion/Reconciliation thing.

 

 

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 1:12pm

My DH was raised nominally Catholic until he was 10 and his family stopped going to church. I would describe him as a "practicing non-Catholic and an agnostic." Meaning, he comes to church with me and the kids, and everyone at church thinks he's Catholic, but he doesn't believe what I believe. He doesn't receive communion or participate in mass other than kneeling, sitting, and standing, but God bless him, he does support me far more than he ever thought he would have to.

We were able to get married in a Catholic church, because he'd received his first communion and first reconciliation, and he agreed I could raise the kids Catholic. Neither of us, however, realized what that actually meant. I think we both thought that meant I'd take the kids to church on Sundays. Neither of us really thought about CCD or what it means to raise kids in a Catholic home. I had a vague idea that I wanted to raise my kids to be more informed Catholics than I was as a kid, since I was brought up in the "because I said so" method of religious ed. ;) I didn't realize this was going to lead me down a path of life-long conversion, beginning about 13 years ago.

Now my DH lives in a house where there are religious objects in every room, we say grace before dinner (he doesn't participate but he is respectful), Sunday morning CCD has been part of our lives for 11 years, our 16yo goes to Catholic school, and our lives are much more Catholic than he ever dreamed. Overall, I think he believes this is a good thing. We have certain ground rules: I don't ask him to convert or go to RCIA or consider being confirmed, and he never says anything disrespectful of my beliefs. This took time and conversation.

Your husband may be thinking that "raising my kids Catholic" is more than he bargained for, and he may be uncomfortable with it. I agree that you need to talk with him, as openly and honestly as possible, about your and his beliefs. Even if he doesn't share them, he should respect them and support them. In turn, of course, you need to do the same for him. If he is resisting the idea of raising his own kids Catholic, you need to understand why (maybe he doesn't even understand why himself). If this becomes a big hurdle that you two can't get past, or it's building resentment and communications start to falter, perhaps a marriage counselor can help you work through it in a few sessions.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 1:46pm

My brother married a non-Catholic. I was happy she was

Renee


Wife to Scott


Mom to: Madeleine, James,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 3:23pm

Mame,


I'm not married to a non-Catholic, but I may have some insight. You say he doesn't understand why you're making such a big fuss. That's probably true. If he doesn't know much about Catholicism, he probably doesn't understand the sacraments and the big role they play in our faith lives. In particular, he probably doesn't understand that the Eucharist is central to all that makes us Catholic -- that it is the true presence of Christ and

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Wed, 04-08-2009 - 12:44am

Hi Mame,


I am Catholic and married to a Catholic but I grew up in a home with a Catholic mom and a non-Catholic dad.