Marry for sex? ( Read full post please )

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Marry for sex? ( Read full post please )
4
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:11am

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 8:43am
never thought about it that way....

Renee


Wife to Scott


Mom to: Madeleine, James, Abigail, Theresa & John


www.reneesuz.blogspot.com

Renee


Wife to Scott


Mom to: Madeleine, James,

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 10:05am

People marry for different reasons. Sex might be one of them, but the "main" reason, as you mentioned? - "her main motivation is the promise of sex" - that's a pretty poor reason.

Marital intimacy is one of the benefits of marriage, and thank the good Lord that He made it an emotional bonding experience as well as something that feels good physically! But a *marriage* - something that you are committed to when you are 25 and life is all about you and your spouse, as well as when you are 35 and have kids who are demanding and clingy, when you are 50 and exhausted from managing the schedules of kids in junior high, high school, and college, when you are 65 and struggling to retire and dealing with the ups and downs of your young adult kids, and when you're 85 and your health or that of your spouse is tenuous. You marry because you believe the person you love now, while you're young, is the person who will change with you and meet all those challenges with you.

There are plenty of times in many (maybe most?) marriages where sex is about the least important thing in the relationship. "Platonic roommates" is a poor phrase to use for a couple - just to give an example - who have 4 kids that they are raising together, who occupy much of their time, give them a shared goal in life, and create great joy in their home. I don't think people who share so much more than physical intimacy would consider themselves "platonic roommates."

Again, not to diminish the beauty of sexual intimacy, or its importance as the "glue" for some couples, but as a reason to marry, I'd personally consider it a poor one.

I might also mention here that I have a sister who refused to have sex before marriage, and therefore rushed into marriage twice because she was so blinded by her physical desire for her fiance. I strongly suspect that had her ardor been given a chance to cool, she would have realized what incredibly bad choices she had made, rather than marrying them so she could have sex with them.

Just my opinion.

Kelly

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 11:06am

Intimacy is what came to mind to me at first too and while that does include sex, sex certainly isn't the only form of intimacy.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 10:09pm

Just my opinion, but I feel that the sex in a marriage should be the physical EXPRESSION of the marriage, not the reason FOR the marriage. I've been married 16+ years, and still do enjoy a very intimate relationship with my husband on MANY levels (not just the sex!!), and from my experience, sex is one of the physical ways you mutually choose to love the other person in their deepest essence.

As Kelly stated, marrying for sex is not going to carry you through the trials and tribulations, the joys and the sorrows, the challenges and the maturation that life brings. In my opinion, it is not a reason to marry in itself. Marriage, in the true Catholic sense, is a means to sanctification by loving God through one's spouse. It's a challenge at times. It is not an easy road. And just sex is not going to get a person there.

Now if this person was so deeply in love with their fiance that the love was the reason that sex was so desired, that would be different. Then love is the reason, and not sex.




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