Morality question

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Morality question
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 4:09pm
Is it okay to marry someone and then wait for about 20 years before marrying them in the Catholic church? Around where I live many practicing Catholics marry and have kids then wait for 10-20 years before having the formal sacramental vow exchange. Presumably to make sure the marriage is going to actually work out before the committment to GOD is made. Is this moral? What does the Catholic church teach on this?

I have 3 kids and with the 60% divorce rate, it is possible one of them will go through a divorce. I would hate for them to be involved in a religion which wouldn't release them from their former spouse to move on in life. It is one of the reasons I am not sure I want to convert and let my DH raised the kids in the Catholic faith. I have a lot of questions about these aspects of the religion and would appreciate any experience, opinion, or insight anyone wants to share.


Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 7:59pm

Is your Question about the difference between common law and cannon (sp? The Sacrament in our Catholic Church?) law?



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 8:02pm
Is this moral?


What does the Catholic church teach on this?

That is a serious mortal sin, intentionally done, with full knowledge.

Those who are doing this should be told by their pastors that they should not approach Holy Communion and that each time they intentionally do they commit an additional mortal sin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:49pm
Oh eek. Doing what everyone else is doing because it looks smart, and not because you're looking at the faith of the matter, won't get you very far on a spiritual level. If any of these Catholic folks want to remarry in the Church before their ex dies, the prior civil marriages will need to be at least reviewed by the local Tribunal, if not annulled. They aren't saving anyone the complications.

The Church doesn't have religious prenuptial agreements (or whatever the folks of convenience are attempting. It can't. It champions the fullness of life, which can have spendor and complication and messy years of married life where spouses learn and grow and mature in years with each other. It also recognizes that some marriages are toxic, (think domestic violence) and the sacrament of marriage is preserved by the annulment process. The Church is much larger than its complicated annulment process, which, based on your other question, you know about. Your children would be exposed to SO much more than this one note of concern for you. At least you know what is pushing your buttons. Is it possible that you are concerned about your own marriage? (A reflective question for you, it's not really for me to know, you sound a little pressured, though I hope you and your husband are communicating well and positively through this time)

Think on this as well. Your children may decide to become Catholic as adults, even if you do not. They may do that as you did, by falling in love with a good person who happens to be Catholic.

One, two, or three of them may choose religious life. (OK, I know, you probably want grandchildren, but after a certain point, it will be their choice for single, married or religious life)

Your children may marry happily once for life, and remain married, and the divorce rate may go up or down dramatically, and they ALL will be part of the 40% of the marriages that make it.

Also consider that the annulment process can fill a void where divorce may forces the petitioner to review what went wrong in the relationship. It can be a very healing process. One reason why the divorce rate is so high is because people make the same mistakes in relationships over and over again. It's painful to look at failure. The Church requires that a Catholic person look into why the relationship became so awful that it couldn't continue. Many people are all too willing to place too much blame on the other person and remarry too quickly without addressing their own issues. Remarriages have a much higher failure rate than first marriages. I'm just adding some food for thought while you're kicking the tires on the annulment process. This process is underfunded ($450 - total - is the charge in our archdiocese for a full blown annulment, and it is frequently waived when a petitioner cannot afford it), understaffed, and consequently takes a lot of time. Personally, I think the Catholic Church puts some stamina in marriage and is a good influence to counteract the I-can-always-get-a-divorce mentality that I've seen elsewhere (treating a spouse as if they are disposable?). I prefer being honorable with my spouse and preserving the bond.

I've been rambling. I also took a poke at your other question.

Blessings and bread,