Question about raising boys and porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Question about raising boys and porn
4
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 4:50pm

Weird question for y’all… I was reading another Catholic message board and the topic of porn came up, which made me think about all of this.

My question is that we have 2 boys. DH seems to think that there is no problem with porn and that when our boys become teenagers I believe he will supply them with porn, behind my back. I have a HUGE problem with porn (even more so with strip clubs) and I don’t want to condone it. I figure at that point it is up to the boys to decide whether or not they will sin…but how do you raise them so that they don’t. I mean I expect that they probably will, but what do you do to let them know that you think it is not the right thing to do.

My dad (yes, I talk with my dad about this, I don’t have a mom so he serves both purposes) says that men do know that porn is wrong but it’s really hard for them to give up.

TIA

Kylie
Mom to Pamela, Seth & Toby

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 7:37pm

My thoughts on porn: Besides the ovbious degrading factor to those who produce it and to those who view it. And the obvious sin factors.

We also have a son. And I have brothers, the last two at home, who are currently 16 and 14 years old.

Sex education is foremost and over looked in our over sexed society. Our children already know their private parts by name, not slang. Saying vagina and penis makes people squirm and has traditionally been off limits. Why? When other topics, I would consider heinous are perfectly ok to discuss.

Anyway, every person should know exactly what their sex organs look like, know every detail about how they function and the known pleasures and trouble each create. Kids also must know about the opposite sex in the same detail. If there are no questions, then there is no curriosity either...and we all know curriosity kills the cat.

An good collge edition anatnomy book is a fantastic resourse...and of course don't leave out the CCC, papal essays and the Bible. A heaping dose of moral fiber never hurts.

I think it is very wrong to leave kids with questions and leave kids groping around with guilt. Human sexuality is a science, it should be taught as so. And if people want to graple with porn after that then...it's up to them. They will know it's wrong and will eventually confess.

As for as supplying underaged kids with porn, it's illegal.

Fortunatly, we both have young children and we don't have to worry about it right away but it is something you will have to work out with dh before the time comes for the "Birds and the Bee" talk. It's our fathers duty to raise their sons with respect for the female form. Women should be made to feel cherished and loved, not oogled. (Have you taken a gander at teen clothing these days, being oogled has risen to a fashion statement---how very sad.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 11:40am

There *is* a problem with porn. It degrades women. It reduces sex to a purely physical act. It objectifies men and women. And for some, it gets in the way of healthy relationships.

In my opinion, we wouldn't be having this discussion before internet and video made pornography so readily available. When men had to go to sleazy businesses to get porn (outside of Playboy, I suppose) I think fewer men viewed it and everyone knew it was wrong. Now that it accosts us on our computers, there seems to be a change, and we hear, "It's not bad," "All men use it," or even "It's natural." These are just excuses.

Porn is not inevitable. Perhaps many boys are curious enough to take a peek --but it ends there. And many may never take that peek. Unfortunately, it seems more and more men are making pornography part of their lifestyle, but I don't think that means we should throw in the towel and accept it.

I'm not clear on why your husband would feel he needs to supply your sons with pornography. If they want it, it isn't hard to find -- but this isn't one of those sentimental father/son moments, in my book. His job is to be a role model, not a buddy.

Good luck with this. You certainly aren't alone in wrestling with this issue.

Polly

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 3:23pm

The major issue here is R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Not just men having respect for women, which can translate into a patronizing or idealized view of womanhood, but every person having respect for him/herself and everyone else. A child learns respect for himself by how his parents treat him and each other. If your sons are brought up to believe that they are valuable people, not because of something they have done or earned, but because they *are*, and that everyone else is equally valuable, then it's a pretty easy step to point out that porn is degrading to everyone involved because it reduces them to objects rather than authentic humans.

Our 7th grade CCD kids attended a meeting with their parents during this past month about human sexuality, given by a representative from a group called Love for Life. What was emphasized was not "don't have sex," but why God gave us sex and what happens when you form bonds through sex with people who are not the ones you want to marry. The presenter - who was terrific - also touched on the subject of porn by asking, "Who said, 'The problem with pornography is not what it shows, but what it *doesn't* show?'" The answer is Pope John Paul II. (Amazingly, one kid knew that!)

Seems to me that the people who are involved in the porn industry are people with a narrow view of what constitutes true freedom. True freedom is, of course, not about doing whatever you feel like (and does anyone really think those people want to have sex all the time?!), but about setting boundaries because you respect yourself. I think if a child is brought up to understand that about himself or herself, it's a short step to realizing that the same applies to everyone else. In other words, the best approach to heading off an inordinate interest in sex and porn is to build their positive understanding of what makes a person authentically human, to the point where they have an intuitive dislike of things that degrade the authentic, God-given humanity of another person.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 1:36pm

Kylie,


I agree with what everyone else said in that pornography:



  • degrades women (and men, for that matter)

  • puts an emphasis on

 

 

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